Aug 21 · 118
Tie my shoes ana
Miss Ana Aug 21
I was going to **** myself today, but my boyfriend called and he wanted to talk till we fell asleep

I was going to **** myself the next day, but I told my mom I'd come visit and I did

Then the next day came and I was going to **** myself but I went to church and they told me it was a sin

That Monday came around and I was going to **** myself, but the boy I nanny said "tie my shoes ana" and we made a plan to teach him how to tie his own shoes

I was going to **** myself after he learned to tie his shoes, but then he needed help with reading, and then maths

I was going to **** myself today, but I just realized the excuses I make are the reasons I don't.
if you are struggling with excuses or reasons please call 1-800-273-8255
Jun 11 · 1.2k
oh yeah, me neither.
Miss Ana Jun 11
does the inside of your head
ever feel like a radio
thats constantly changing
stations
with lots of
static
and all the stations are
bad thoughts
that are strung together in
a sort of continuous narrative
of constantly escalating
fear
and
compounding dread?
intrusive thoughts
Oct 2017 · 318
Sad things
Miss Ana Oct 2017
"Don't tell me sad things"
He says
I guess I'll just hold it inside.

Your selfish words have made me self sustainable.

I do not need you. I pick you. You should feel so lucky.

"I need you" he says. And that's just great. No pressure.

I do not need him. And that makes him sad but its the truth.

"I don't want to lie to you" he says.

Well that's fine. But it is easier that way. Just tell me what I want.

I just want things my to be my way. What's wrong with that?

"Don't tell me sad things"

I guess I'll just hold it inside.
Maybe I am trying to talk to you about things that make me sad. Maybe it is not all about you.
Oct 2017 · 97
Pills and People
Miss Ana Oct 2017
Well alright then,
Its not so easy
Finding these words
On a page that doesn't really exist.
Trying to explain..
What? I have no idea.

Well alright then,
I am sorry you don't understand
Is it so hard just to hear me?
Dying for someone to pretend and nod.
"You worry a lot"
Who ******* cares.

Well alright then,
I'll try to make it better
Pills and people
Its all the same really
Why can't I be like this?
Is being like this illegal?

Well alright then,
If it bothers you don't talk
To me or anyone you don't want to
We don't need to be friends
You don't get my humor?
I don't get your judgment

Well alright then,
We are all alright
We are all right
Just how we are
You don't need to stop judging
So let me keep worrying
You wouldn't tell someone to lose weight, so why tell someone to gain some?
You wouldn't tell someone to be less happy, so why tell them to be happier?
Jul 2017 · 116
What am doing?
Miss Ana Jul 2017
But when we sit down and think about it
I'm really not sure
I have no idea in fact
I can't tell you why
No one else seems to know
And there aren't any distinct feelings about it
Its just there
My life that is
Jul 2017 · 32
Suicide
Miss Ana Jul 2017
And I comes in waves
Crashes on my skin
Rips my ear drums
Aches my sides
Salt in my eyes

The Fear
The Pain
Why is it here?
Where did this come from?

You should be gone.
Jul 2017 · 103
It was Hot and I was Angry
Miss Ana Jul 2017
It was the kind of heat that was so hot and sticky, you could taste the  air.

In Texas that means it tastes of *******, both kinds.

Its the kind of heat that makes you feel trapped in a room even when you are outside.

It was the kind of  heat that limits your ability to speak.

So wet and full.

It was a heat that made all kinds of clothing acceptable.

It was the kind of heat that made everyone equal.

No matter what, we all felt the heat.

It was the kind of heat that made you want to stand still.

It was the kind of heat that made people share water, then fight over shade.

It was the kind of heat that made someone understand the monologues at the beginning of old westerns, and indie movies about the south.

It was so **** hot.
It gets so hot here, people get angry because of the heat. One year there was a problem with people shooting others while driving. Explanation? It was hot, and they were angry.
Jul 2017 · 108
perpetual sameness
Miss Ana Jul 2017
And in the end it is all the same
men are the same
women are the same
you are the exact same...
its boring
but its true
life in its stillness will never be gratifying
yet perpetual motion isn't that great either
so dramatic...
Jun 2017 · 159
I want to fix it too.
Miss Ana Jun 2017
1: "I'm sad."
2: "Well,why?"
1: "I'm not sure."
2: "Can I help?"
1: "You can listen."
2: "How do I fix it?"
1: "You can't."

2: "I'm sad."
1: " Well, why?"
2: "I can't fix it."
1: Can I help?"
2: "You can listen."
1: " I think I can fix it."
2:  "You can?"

1: "I'm fine.
"I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe"
Sometimes it is better to listen, than to act.
May 2017 · 368
To My Daughter
Miss Ana May 2017
I hope you never see the things I've seen
And I hope you never do what I've done
I hope you never felt what I felt
And I hope you never fall like I have
I hope you never see someone get hurt
And I hope no one ever hurts you
I hope you don't get scared
And if you do, you come to me
I hope that if you comply with any of these requests
And you aren't truly happy
I hope you break each one
And find what all they can bring.
" My mamma said there will be days like this, there will be days like this my mamma said"
Miss Ana May 2017
oh ***
didn't you see?
she traded smiles for stares.
didn't you hear?
she traded laughing for heavy sighs and a wounded expression
didn't you smell?
she traded sweaty sports for 3 showers a day.
didn't you feel?
she traded hugs for nervous jumps and apologetic giggles.
didn't you taste?
her lips, they said no.
she traded everything to get back what was stolen.
when I was in high school a girl I knew (not well) was ***** at a party. no one said anything, she never admitted to it, and when asked she said it was consensual, but she changed. i hardly talked to her, but i think about lauren almost everyday. its been 5 years.
Apr 2017 · 182
I'm sorry
Miss Ana Apr 2017
everyday
I reflect on what I
could have said
could have done
could have used
and everyday  
I realize that I will never stop learning
and I will never get it right
but the beautiful thing about that is
its ok.
Yelling at people in public and other things I regret.
Mar 2017 · 132
Drunk
Miss Ana Mar 2017
sleepy
sad
and sticky hands
oh yeah
smelling of burning
hot
warm
heady air in the
moonlight
dark night
heavy body
falling
catching
dizzy
happy
smart
******
aware of the fact that I must ***
stumbling down
giggle at the less serious
and sneers at the men
following
tripping
more and
sometimes water if someone is helping out
hugging
*******
goodnight
good night.
Good nights in a feeling
Feb 2017 · 157
But why are you still here?
Miss Ana Feb 2017
and in the dark
he felt me
and i felt him
it was breathtaking
he held me
i floated away
he kissed me and i was gone

i was drunk but sober in his eyes
i had fallen into his arms-steady
oh, there was a smell
of bad choices left behind
he touched me and i crumbled
he loved me and I cried

I said too much and he gave it little notice
i came so quickly and left even faster
i tried to scare him but further he crawled
i told him the truth and he turned them into fiction
i gave him my hand and he asked me to marry him
Jan 2017 · 338
Oceans of my day
Miss Ana Jan 2017
I take it in waves
the heart-pounding
the ear-ringing
calorie-counting
run-tracking
grade-tracking

I take it in waves
Am I social enough?
watch too much tv?
not enough?
care too much?
care too little?
pray enough?
drink enough?
have enough ***?
too much ***?
with the right people enough?
are these the wrong people?

I take it in waves
no one cares
no one notices
dont make this my issue
dont make this anyone else's issue
do I have a thing?
do I need a thing?
will I be a good teacher?
will I be a good mother?

I take it in waves
Die
it will be easy
just cut your wrists
you know where to get the pills
the drugs
the needles
drive off a bridge
jump off a bridge
they are well adjusted people
they wont miss you
they dont need you
you dont need you

I take it in waves  
I deserve this
I need this
happy is a good feeling
you are strong
you are smart
you are right
people do like you
*** loves you
he loves you
they love you
they need you
you need you
dont give up
dont cop out
dont die
live
The constant noise sounds something like this.
Miss Ana Jan 2017
The city is here


And now you are on my mind


A cutting smile


Short soft wavy hair


Sweet edged mouth turned up corners


Hard and beautiful


Soft and sweet his way always


Kind, not high-handed


Smart and sweet with strength to move


No other man please
For all the lack of love poems about men out there
Jan 2017 · 127
The Time Being
Miss Ana Jan 2017
And on the days I can actually breath in without a sharp pain in my mind
I know that the reason I can is you
And I know that you might go away
But for the time being I love you
And that is enough for me
I miss him dearly
Dec 2016 · 215
My Sister.
Miss Ana Dec 2016
beautiful sin
rusting whole
salty quench  
hasty grace
giving lies
classic birth
clearly symbolic
largely narrow  
friendly fire
wicked cool
stoopid smart
**** baby
classy *****

and other things that make more sense when you meet her
Dec 2016 · 144
You Don't Konw
Miss Ana Dec 2016
The world knows
He's mine
By the way the scars
Jag down his body

But what they don't know
Is that I didn't put them there
He took them for me
He saved me from myself

The pain I give
He does not think
It in vain
The scars remind him
Of me
And how we got here
Because he loves me
Dec 2016 · 232
fresh eyes
Miss Ana Dec 2016
And she never realized it
because she didnt think to look
but when she saw you
oh my she realized the whole world set in your hands
Dec 2016 · 363
oh but his eyes
Miss Ana Dec 2016
the rapid fire
of electric
pragmatic
wonderful
heavy
breath

on my
neck
ears
lips

hands
gripping
groping
teasing

hips
pushing
thrusting
grinding

chest
pressing
holding
panting

lips
*******
biting
kissing

oh but his eyes  
they
were
fixed
on me
the
whole
time.
apparently I'm an old soul, but I think this is young love.
Dec 2016 · 209
I'm Trying So Hard.
Miss Ana Dec 2016
There's magic
Between discomfort and perfection
That moment you have faked it
Perfect charismatic facade
Chatter
Feeling
Smiles
Questions
Jokes
Oh, the constant conversation
Parties
Church
School
Work
Family
Pretending in its purest from
There is a formula for people
And I have found it
Charming it's called
**** it feels
And beautiful they say
I'm dying
I want to be alone
Don't touch me
Hugs feel like bad compliments in the dark
And talking for hours makes my face hurt
Oh, people
Why do we do this?
Social beings
Barely being social
That's my game
There's my Magic
It's a lie
Dec 2016 · 141
Triangle
Miss Ana Dec 2016
Oh boy we were friends
whispers and secrets
laughs and sobs

And then there was he
like a leaf in our paths (ants)
disruption

Oh boy were they friends
to the end and then
he wanted what Jessie had (Jessie's girl)

And then there was we
and he and we did not agree
friends to the end? never again.

Oh boy we all drifted
but Jessie found me again
we became better friends

And then there was us
and I like us
I might even love us
"Jessie was a friend, oh he was a good friend of mine, but lately somethings changed. Jessie's got himself a girl and I want to make her mine."
Dec 2016 · 118
Drugs
Miss Ana Dec 2016
Drugs
its what he said
its what he did

Drugs
he made him
light
fun
free
caring

Drugs
he loved me
when he was on drugs
he kissed me
held me
laughed with me

Drugs
I should have known

Drugs
he does them sometimes
and then
everyday

Drugs
They make him happy
smarter
faster
stronger

Drugs
its getting bad

Drugs
He has a problem

Drugs
Everyday
all day

Drugs
on his lips
hands
mind

Drugs
I dont do drugs


But I am addicted to him
Dec 2016 · 124
The Best and The Worst
Miss Ana Dec 2016
If there is
ONE
thing I have learned
it is this
people have a good reason
for being how and who they are
and
the Best
and
the Worst
have no reason at all.
some people make the best
some make the worst

— The End —