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magic amplifies in my loneliness a single flaw.

a bird, a high window.  sound of a brain cell.

hunger and its unremarkable kitchen.

as a doctor I hammered the baby’s knee.

bio, and the undisclosed location of god’s recovery.

harm is harm’s audience.
This is where I go to think,
The isle of banished dreams,
A place long forgotten,
But bursting at the seams,
I come here to think,
I come here to wade,
In the waters of regret,
In here I feel at peace
But no not just yet...
I come here to banish all those pointless goals,
To let go of al those broken dreams,
This place is always locked from me,
But sadness is the key
This place,
This place, is always open unto me...

This place, I come to lose myself in fears,
In anxieties, in dilemmas, all those wasted years,
I come to think, and let my tears build the sea,
This place,
This place, is the true definition of me...

I come here to wonder,
To sit in the sand,
To wonder if I'll ever leave again,
I stare up at the clear night sky,
I wonder and ask "Father can I leave?"
Can I leave this place of sorrow,
where my tears build the sea?
Can I leave this place of tragedy,
where my doubts grew the trees?
Can I leave this place where my questions
and dreams are the sand
and litter this beach?  
Father can I come home?...

I sit here in the dawn of night,
Sitting, questioning, is it ever worth the fight?
I sit here and ponder,
and let the ghosts of my broken dreams
come to my aid,
I feel fractured, hollow, unmade,
I let the voices swirl around me and scream
in my face,
"YOU COULD HAVE DONE BETTER!!"
They bellow and shriek,
I hear all of them,
I take in their council,
I understand their speak,
They speak of my wrongs,
They speak of my failures
I've given them reason,
I'm the reason they're here...

I come here to wallow in my pain,
To wash off all hope,
To be clean once again,
I come here to question to ponder to search,
To want to be better so I walk and I think,
Think along the waters edge,
Along this beach of broken dreams and
fears,
I hope I don't sink,
I want to be better,
I want to be great,
These dreams, these morals, they have yet
to break
I cling to them dearly,
As I tear out my heart, and feed it to the sea,
I want it to drown there,
But it always returns,
It always comes back,
My heart is half the reason I'm here,
It takes you by the hand,
and whispers in your ear,
And you follow it without fail,
Through storm, through fire, with no hope of
prevail,  
I follow it too,
I follow it in and out of this place every time,
She controls it, "Your heart is mine",
She knows it very well,
It's the reason I'm here, this place
This hell...

I walk deeper, and deeper into this place,
To  find where I've hid it,
I must find that place,
It's new every time, but yet, somehow the same,
This thing holds my future, it is my fate,
When I find it I can leave this place,
I can't find it here, not here, nor there,
It's inside me and I must find it but where,
where WHERE?!
It's not a key, but it is of sorts,
It's more of a conclusion, an answer, to why
I'm here,
I feel it close,
Im almost here...

I'm almost here, it's very close, it's very near,
I've thought, and thought, for what feels like years,
I want to come back stronger than before,
I've done it before, and I'll do it once more
These voices I've unleashed that storm inside my head
and help me think,
They help me, they've shown me the way ,
The way back up,
From down here below,
Im leaving now to return soon,
But for now I'm gone,
Until the next blue moon...

Comment some tags as I cant really think of any.
Also title suggestions as this one is dear to me and mine doesn't seem to sit right.
On a bitter cold but clear, and dark December night
I rose my eyes into the stars, they offered soothing light
Not even was I hopeful, to witness mornings bright
But I saw you in the clouds of dawn, and it took away my sight
What was there, was it just a dream across my mind
Was I in a twi-light sleep, within the realm of time
Perhaps some sort of vision sent from God, with grace divine
Though none of these describe your face there, witnessed, so sublime

I sat transfixed, and watched you, as you slowly smiled at me
I felt that you could feel the pain, alone has come to be
Without you here I find my essence changed to some degree
The love within your eyes is something I did not foresee
Within the early morning mist, I dreamed that you were there
No others eyes could look through me, no other could compare
Then as the changing clouds appeared I saw us standing where,
In gentle warm embrace I ran my fingers through your hair

You must please understand that I have not the hope of years
Required to repair my heart, to dry a million tears
But here within the clouds of dawn, my sadness disappears
As you and I stand heart to heart, and nothing interferes
Except perhaps the rising sun that brightens sky, and day
Or winds of sorrow that may blow the morning fog away
Not to see the clouds again, and witness their display
To leave me here alone once more, much to my dismay

And live within the bitter cold of lost, and past regret
Just another Winter night of wine, and cigarette
Nothing in the starlight, save the haunting silhouette
Of one who’s love is lost to me, though I cannot forget
To dream of you once and again, in skies of pink chiffon
The only thing I wish these weary eyes to look upon
If only lonesome heart agrees to patiently hold on
I’ll see you smile at me again,
within the clouds of dawn...

Dean Evans
4-26-14
 Jan 2015 Miranda Renea
Chloé
I don't know what I am doing
I tell you I cannot speak
can you hear me?

The wind,
the wind forces a pressure
to the back of my head
can you feel me now?

We moved too quickly
you hold something over me
something that I am unable to move
you refuse to help me
pushing me away, backwards
back into an even stronger clutch

Suffocating, I now understand
where we are now
the idealistic destination for all lovers
and finally, I give in

There is no escape
you close my eyes
and I start to fall
deeper and deeper
into your nest

You have won
I wanted so much
to write some
ranting
angry
poem

Then I remembered:
those were the
ones you
liked
best
I wrote a poem once
To a boy whole stole my heart
And he stole my work
But at least I know he liked it
 Jan 2015 Miranda Renea
Johanne
will you still
love me

when i choose
the comfort
of blades

instead of your arms?
 Jan 2015 Miranda Renea
Cristina
even the small breeze of negativity in the air
has an effect of slowing down some normal things
                why is writing poetry?
to move the fingers that crave to write the words,
first on papers and later - hopefully - on every soul
about the power of quiet, of love, of kiss, we see and feel,
and at the end of the day, the last thoughts that sing inside
are from a man that I've heard him say:
                If you forget that you have to die
                *you forget that you have to live.
I don't know what title to put...
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