make a promise on this paper, give it to someone you want to make the promise to and they'll give it back when you keep it. This promise has to be kept.
It's a little business card size card
and on the bottom all it says is because I said I would
I want to promise you the world, because I said I would
but that "can't be kept"
I want to promise I'll stop cutting
but can I keep that promise?
I want to promise I'll be happier
but *can I keep that promise?
I want to promise to be more motivated
to be a better daughter, to be a better, more motivated student,
to be better.
But my question is, can I?!
Can I be happier?
Can I stop cutting?
Can I start being motivated?
Can I stop being tired, so perpetually tired?
Can I Change?
because I said I would
people break promises all the time
people say they would all the time and it doesn't change the fact
they don't
so I left the card blank
blank like my future
my future that is so undecided and distant yet so very close
My future, that is up to me to decide
because I said I would
I say, I will try
trying is all I can do

I try so hard to keep this happy mask on
So that no one feels bad about how I feel
Do you not understand how tiring that is?
When I say "I'm tired"
please know, I'm not just physically tired
I'm tired of everything
I'm tired mentally
physically
spiritually
perpetually tired
a never ending tired that makes me want to sleep forever
but saying stuff like that makes you uncomfortable
it makes everyone uncomfortable, so I don't talk about it anymore
I keep it all bottled up, deep inside my soul
eventually I'll explode, I won't be able to handle the pressure
and like a volcano after having all that hot air and pressure building up
I'll explode, and I don't know how much damage I'll cause
So for now, My mask will stay on
and for now I'll be "happy"
and for now my problems don't matter
for now, I'll hide how I feel, behind my nice and shiny mask

This is why I was scared
This is why I cut it short
I didn't want to get attached
I didn't want to let you in
I didn't want to love you
So I didn't believe it
Slowly, you got under my skin
inside my head
and took over my heart
it was so gradual, I never noticed it
so, me being scared, I cut this short
thinking, I'll save myself from heartbreak
I hoped I hadn't gotten too attached and that I could keep carrying on
but
I realized too late
you were already inside my heart
you made yourself a home there
and refuse to leave
and now, I'm here, filled with regret
regret that I didn't keep you with me
regret that I didn't see it sooner
regret that I cut you loose way too soon
I wasn't ready
I wasn't ready
I didn't want to love you, but I do
I didn't want to miss you, but I do
and now you left
you don't want to go through another breakup
So we'll have to learn to live without each other
but honey, I'm breaking
my heart is breaking
So what do I do?
I don't want to get over you
I don't want you to get over me
but we can never have what we want
so I'm sorry I complicated things
I'll leave
you already left
but I need to leave too
I need to move on
don't worry about me, I'll be fine
*have a nice life

If I could leave
If I could escape without anyone caring
Baby, I'm sorry, but I would
If I could leave, escape into a world filled,
filled with adventure, love, mystery
I'd leave in a heartbeat
I don't like this world of ours
filled with boredom, sadness, pain
So I read
and I read and I read and I read
hoping to escape, just for a while
but its not enough
I want adventure
I want love and mystery
So I'm sorry, but I'm planning my escape.

I'm running
running on empty
I spent last night, awake
couldn't sleep, couldn't feel
can't seem to feel these days, anyways
I'm running
running on empty
can't seem to eat
not that hungry it seems
food repels me nowadays
I'm running
running on empty
can't seem to concentrate
can't seem to stay awake
can't seem to feel
I keep on running
almost at 2 miles
just keep running
focus
i'm fine
I'm always fine
Not hungry
not feeling
just running

Life is like a picture, taken with a film camera
You take the picture, but you don't see how it looks right away
You worry that the picture would be blurry
or worry that it won't work out the way you want it to
You develop the film, turn those negatives into beautiful pictures.
and if you mess up on one photo, you still have 24 or more beautiful pictures for that reel.
Life is like that
You work hard, but you don't see the fruit of your labor right away
you worry about so many things and think about all the things that could go wrong.
Like film, you develop
The negatives can be used to become beautiful wonderful positives in your life.
If you mess up, you have more chances.
Life is full of chances
So life is like a photo
a photo you take on a film camera
and you are the photographer
so take some beautiful pictures.