Nothing I say comes out right,
I cant love without a fight.
No one ever knows my name,
When I pray for sun it rains.

Im so sick of wasting time,
When nothings moving in my mind.
Inspirations cant be found,
I get up and I fall back down,
But
I'm alive

Every lover breaks my heart,
And I know it from the start.
Still I end up being a mess,
Everytime I second guess.
All my friends just run away,
When Im having a bad day.

Id rather stay in bed
But
I know theres a reason*  
*Im alive

I write a thousands stupid words because I don't know what else to do,
and I write them sitting here, pretending I'm not thinking about you.
Pretending I'm not thinking about your eyes that I totally don't miss,
nor thinking about how good it was, that last so desperate kiss.
Nor all those times we spent just laughing in your room,
because I refuse to sink back into depression's cold dark tomb.

Our conversations are tepid.
Perfunctory, they run in circles,
hamsters on wheels, wasting time.
I don’t care how your day was.
Undress while we mention some
senseless detail about the weather,
buttons still done and silk pulled
over your head to save seconds,  
so we can lose them between us
and pretend it never happened in
the morning.

I only kiss you when I’m tired of being
alone.


**V. K.

I can't find myself in the usual hiding places