Leather bound,
lavish and
rough.
Turned through
stiff pages
with nothing on them
but dust
and curse words,

When I finished reading
cover to cover,
I thought I might
rip open it's spine
and destroy the whole thing
so that no one else
would have to.

That *******
first edition
****** *******
closed book
swallowed me whole.

i set it all ablaze
and watched as the orange flames danced
it's embers brushing against my skin
the flames curled around the room
******* every last drop of air
i collapsed to the ground
and struggled to breath
but i welcomed the pain
the burning of my lungs
the heat of the blaze
it was then i realized
while watching
my surroundings slowly succumb to the fire
how beautiful
death could truly be

I wish I could write something beautiful,
But the only words I can manage
Are ‘drowning’ and ‘suffocating’,
And we all know there’s no beauty in death.

My body is a fresh canvas just waiting to be filled,
But I have filled it in the wrong way --
Ruining it with cuts, scratches, and burns;
Nothing beautiful or something to be shown off.

In my drawer is a piece of paper,
But I have never written on it.
I am waiting for the day my courage is high,
And I finally need it to write my suicide note.

The life I live isn’t a bad one,
But my past still haunts me.
No amount of faith will diminish the feelings --
The sadness, guilt, anger.

I’ve lived on a roller coaster ride,
But everything comes to an end.
This one will crash and burn
And never be heard of again.

This poem isn’t meant to be beautiful,
But it is supposed to make you think.
Tonight might be the night
I remove the blank paper from the drawer.

I choke on my words before I let them out,
To a point beyond recognition.
All I can manage is a simple, “I love you”,
But I wish I could say more:

That your eyes remind me of home,
Of a place where everything works out,
Where fairytales come true.
They remind me of “Ever After”.

That I find peace in your smile,
A certain warmth and familiarity;
Comfort that I can’t find within myself,
And it calms me.

That your very essence is refreshing.
You are innocent, pure, unbroken;
Strong, confident;
Everything I wish I was.

That loving you is the easiest thing I’ve done.
Loving you comes naturally,
Like I was made for you;
Like we would meet in any lifetime.

That seeing you hurt breaks my heart.
Hearing you spout negatives
And ways you could be better
Literally shatters me.

That you are the strongest person I know.
You have risen above every struggle
With a stride I have never before seen.
It would take something big to knock that out.

Once you get me talking, I can’t stop.
Nothing I say seems substantial enough.
You are my reason for holding on,
And I hope one day I can repay you.