Abigail.
I'll tell you once more.
You're amazing.
Just like you told me but I resisted hearing it once more.
I'll tell you something.
Don't be like me.
I'm too oblivious and obvious.
And I can't say no to you.
And yet.
I still have yet to reach you completely.

She screams.
In her slumber. That just so happens to not be peaceful.
She yells.
In a corner. Where she just so happens to live.

She has seen too much.
With her already burning red, bloodshot eyes.
She will not blink.
She will not miss what happened.
She shall never forget.

Because she saw it with her once beautiful, but now abused and pained eyes.
She saw it happen right in front of her face.
Ten years ago.
She was five.
She hasn't blinked since that moment.
She's been too scared about what might happen.
If it's frightening just like that day.
She screams but stares deep into the souls of other people.
Her eyes that haven't blinked since that day.


Her eyes are cold and rusty.
Now in dirt.
Hidden in the meadow, right across the street.
What happened to her family has finely reached her.

She's left dead,cold, and lonely looking at the the deep,blue, never ending, once loving and peaceful, crying sky.

A journey
I fell upon.
When I was born.
I continued to live up until I was eleven
I had to stop for a little bit
Pause the clock from tick and tocking and think
Think of something.
Not emotions or self esteem
But my life all together.
I realized instead of just letting my life tumble away
Or let it slip through my fingers
I need to catch it.
Hold it and tell myself
to find my reason why I continued.
And so in order to actually find my life,
I made a promise

This certain journey took away my tears and carried the burden off my shoulders

I started the journey once I made that promise, and I can never let that promise shatter in my hands.
This promise saved my life
This is the promise:

I promise that I will find certain little girls out there, girls that are being tortured, mentally,physically or emotionally and save them from cutting their line. They have a life to live and I AM NOT! going to let them stop. After all we all have a reason. We just haven't took note to it yet.



Most people question it,
They think it's simple, it's not.

I am going to help every person in need of help no doubt
I'm a simplistic person but when it comes to pain I absolutely cannot take it!
Even if it's the worst person on the planet I shall help, but only to heal their hearts.

Also, if I die helping somebody it will not be a problem, because I died at fate.
I tried my best and never gave up
I raised my head way up high and shouted to the world
"I'm going to live!"
And you should live too.

A strange
Upon my characteristic life.
Lying to my face, he was.
Didn't know the name or the curtsy he bowed.
But he said he had to go to work everyday,
No. He was cheating upon the whole town.
Nobody knew until he came to the truth.
And nobody ever came to a truce.
What a strange change upon the young life.
A change,
I recall
Upon her poor heart.

I never feel like anyone in my blood family

ever listens..

I've thought of running away from time to time..

But if I did...Where would I go?

How would I survive?

I don't want to wait until I am eighteen years of age

to move from this place they call home..

But what I call the dungeon...

I want to be free like a bird..

With a world coming to it's war-filled and natural disaster ends,

It's the only thing I can do..

I can contemplate that everyone thinks I'm giving up on everything..

Waiting until my not tragic, but proud end that starts a new line..

Life and Death sort of remind me of Neurons..

The dendrites receive the message...

From there it goes through the axons and axon terminals...

There really isn't an end..

Because the end has already ended...

This is aggravation..

Living craziness...

With no deadly end..

No poison to make us leave this world..





This aggravation..

I can't control...

Maybe everyone is right..

Maybe I am running away..

Maybe I am giving up.

But what am I giving up on?

What am I running away from?

Am I running to something?

All these questions..

Remain unanswered..

While I sit in solemn silence...

To purify this..

Aggravation.

Don't tell me through texts,

Don't tell me in letters,

I want to hear your voice tell me

Through wind,light,sky, and stars.

A gift belongs to a dream..

Not me.

Has anyone ever told you..

That you are are their hero..

Their lover...

Their gift that belongs to a dream?



I won't share you

With the deep, blue sea..

I wanna hear you singing to me through my subconscious mind.

Tell me everything I wanna hear.

Like..

Maybe..

I'm not like anyone else..

I'm not as pretty as I look.

Maybe my personality could use some editing.



I won't share you with any other girl

You will be here in my dreams..

For you were gifted to me...

Through my dreams..

You're a gift that belongs to a dream..

And that dream belongs to..

Me.

Forever.

I am an alien..
I do not alienate people.
For they have already gone through the alienation.
I am an alien.

Tell me your crazy story.
Of how everything you choose,
you don't regret.
Not letting anything get in your way.
Have you ever made a mistake?
Or is it true that all is fair in Love and War?

If I could manage,
with a person,
I would.
But I can't
I like alone,
not sure why
But I have the enrage to be alone all the time
I'm a very social person
But I'm always alone, in my room.

I'm right in between
Her,him, him, her and you.
I'm the meat
He's the tomato
He's the mayonnaise
She's the bread
All waiting see who you taste first.
In this awesome sandwich, that's been prepared for you.

If anything were to happen to them.
I'd die.
Because they are my amazement in interest,
Instead of the world.
If the world died, I'd care.
But I'd already be dead now wouldn't I?

If anything were to happen to the treasures of my ancestry.
I'd cry.
Because I have an amazement of some interest.
But if something were to happen to them.
I'd die.
Because they strike my amazement in interest.

The pain I feel.
Just sitting here thinking..
Is overloading my soul..
It broke my heart...Too many times..
That he said I love you..Then took it away..
The only way...Isn't possible..
Can't tell how I feel..
Anymore..
The crack is too large to carry around..
Anymore..

If you could have anything would it be everything?
No.
If you had everything would you get rid of anything?
Yes.
If you knew anything would you want to learn everything?
Yes.
If you knew everything would you want to forget anything?
Yes.

I don't remember anything
My childhood.
I only have these short flashbacks.
Maybe what I see is a dream,
that can't be.
It has to be true.

My past,
Must have went good.
In a way I'm happy I don't remember it,
that way I can't live in the past except with a running memory.
Running it's laps with it's infinite breath on it's never-ending track.

I live:
Not to make regrets,
so he is not a regret.
He's my savior.
In a certain way.

In a way through my heart,
he left a sorrow,
an undependable sorrow that burdened my shoulders.
It felt like a million pounds on my weak back,
bending and breaking.
But then I took note,
I've probably never been more alive in my life,
why am I standing here crying?
Why am I wasting my time yearning for something I don't need to go back for.
I live- Not to make regrets.
I live- In the present not the past.
My past
Is not my future,
My past is not,
my present.

April,
    Amazingly different,
Thinks I've gone past the stage of insane.(I have)
                Slaps me on the head when I make a funny pun.
Is mentally insane, (She just doesn't know it.)
                                Tells me lots of things.
Think she's a female version of Benjamin Franklin.
                 Addicted to anything froggy.
                               N.

Deadly ash,
Dispensed into your wine.
Are you ready to die?
Because you are tonight.

You awoke me when you closed your eyes.
You play me like a cassette tape.
You turn me off like a boy's saved video game.
I am young, and I am now a baby.
I see the world with light like a shiny new camera lens.

I feel like I'm getting used to this.
Same job for some fifteen odd years.
I keep thinking I might quit, but I probably won't.
We are so slowly aging, seeing things that we can't erase.
I am slowly dulling, like a rusty knife, waiting to crumble at your feet.

I can't wait until you start believing.
Tell him how you feel and start seeing better things.
I've got twenty more odd years until my greasy retirement.
Time is slowing down, and this image is getting to the both of us.
I am more bored than before, like a baby with colors but no wall.

We are just about ready to fade, to let the ashes run away.
You've been married for thirty years,
And I've stayed by your side since you saw your first light.
I've got wrinkles and scars, and you've got this last breath.
I think it is about time that I tell you, that I am a tired dream.

I just want the world,
to be beautiful.
I just want friends
to be family.
I just want family to
be friends.
I just want you to
love me.
I just want you to
trust me.

Do you even
love me at all?
Do you even
trust me at all?

Would you tell me
if you loved me, beautiful world?
Would you tell me
if you trusted me, beautiful world?

I see the gray glint in the sunlight.
What was that?
I turn around and I see your fingernails,
In black nail polish.
Excuse me, Sir?
The stranger turns around.
Yes?
Where did you buy that beautiful black nail polish?
It's not store bought. I made it.
Shocked,
Can you give me the recipe?
No, only I can make it.
Why?
Because my soul painted it.
And then you walked away.
And never came back for me to see those lovely nails,
Painted in your soul's black nail polish.

A black rose,
You set upon her coffin..
Her pinned-black coffin..
That quotes..
"You broke me I'll break you too.."
Nobody found out who quoted the quote...
But you broke her...And she broke you..
But you broke her more than she thought,
So you broke her heart,
And made her fall..
And so now you set this black rose,
Upon her naked chest..

A flower in bloom
Starts the new night.
Not the day.

An explosion goes boom,
But it blooms in the sky.
Not in the ground.

Apart from everything.
The air rains from the sky.
With thunder bolts hitting hard.
Turning into total destruction.
Let us come together for this broken sky.

A Burning light
Upon a canvas
In the air
On the thick, convulsive, papyrus sheet
Paint your words
With the brush
In your hand
So rough and tan
The Burning light
Upon a canvas

My emotions have been

either calm or wild as can be.

I need to learn to control them,

Before I end up hurting somebody

Once again




There is no doubt

I feel like a bother to everyone else

WIll I ever get the feeling of love

That I have never once tasted?

Will the gates to my soul ever let me through?

When I be myself?

I want to meet Melody.




My emotions lately have been

Either calm or wild as can be.

Can you tell me how to control them?

No.

I don't know what happened..

You've got me confused..

You got rid of my love for you..

So now are you happy?

You got rid of my happiness..

So are you really happy?

Are you ready to feel my anger and hatred that's ready for you?

I'm sorry I won't let go.

I won't let you go.

I can't get rid of the love.

I can't get rid of the hatred..

For now..

You're just an aquantience..

Something that's hanging by a thread.

I know how to control.

I know how to choose.

I won't come after you.

But now can you see..

I've changed.

I hope you will have

Changed by the next time I see you too.





This anger..

This sadness..

This confusion..

This frustration..

These bottled up emotions are supposed to be eating me from the inside to the out.

But..

Well..

I've changed..

I won't be manipulated.

I've got things I need to live to solve.

I've got things that are important to me.

I've got things that I care about that the likes of you just wouldn't understand.

Because you're a person who hurt me.

You hurt me the most.

I think..

I know who you are now.

You're the other side of me.

My one weakness.

The other half.

My missing piece.



Wait...



You didn't hurt me the most.

I don't think I know who you are.

I know who you are.

You are my weakness of weaknesses.

You aren't my other half.

You aren't my missing piece.

I'll crush you to pieces and use you as crust for a pie I've got stow away.

I'll crush you smitherenes so you'll never reverbeat inside me again.

Because ..

I'm living for the things I've done.

For the sins I cannot repent..

For the sins I can't bring myself to forget..And to regret.

For the things I've said.

And for the things I've thought.

And for the things I care about the most.

....



.....

...

Honestly..

Haven't you noticed by now?...

I've changed.

We all know music started..

Well,

Since the cavemen were banging on raw meat and rocks

dancing to the tune they made,

And must I say,

It was a classic tune.

And classic tunes happen all the time,

Classical music,

Is by far my favorite kind.

Mozart, Chopin, Bach, Beethoven....

I could name more.



Rock and Roll,

Elvis Presley, Jack Brenston and The Delta Cat, Bill Haley, Chuck Berry..

"You ain't nothing but hound dog, cryin' all the time.."



There are different kinds of classical music

Just like Beethoven was deaf,

Elvis, the KING of rock and roll, not creator.

Even cavemen can bang on a drum and make a sound.

Music is made from sounds,

But to deliver it,

That's another piece of sheet music..

You want to live,
In a collage.
You want to die,
In a painting.
You want to cry,
In a photograph.
You want to smile,
In a song.
You want to laugh,
In a smile.

You want to live,
In a collage.

Love is amazing,
No doubt.
Just be careful,
It willget you hurt if you're not.
So be careful.
Conspicous love is uncomprehendable.
Don't tell me it's not true,
I have proof.

I know indeed,

I'm defiantly crazy.

No doubt about it,

I am insane.

Not just my personality I choose to show,

But just my insides as well.

I stutter so easily to my brain.

Nearly impossible to accept I truly know what it means,

To use my knowledge.

My words just come,

I'm truly crazy.

No meaning to the longest word,

It never existed.

The longest word defined is ran,

I'm truly not really a genius.

Just a girl,

Going to school,

Learning her rights,

Learning who is dating who.

Though I could barely give a crap.



I'm just a girl,

A crazy girl.



I'm just a girl,

An insane girl.



I pick pansies from the flower bed.

Give them to you,

To accept the fact,

I'm scientifically proven.

To be,

Just a girl,

A CRAZY girl.

CRAZY.

I hope I don't turn you to dust,
I hope that this crush won't break your heart.
I hope this break won't crush your lungs,
So you can still hold a some what steady breath.
Please tell me if I tell you I'm leaving,
That this little crush won't turn to love,
And I wind up crush and breaking your heart,
I hope I don't turn you to dust.
Because my crush for you
Has now become insane
More.
Tell me how
I fix this,
When I leave,
I'll cry and cry again,
Just to be in your arms
Once again.
I hope this crush doesn't turn to love,
So I don't crush and break your heart.
Please tell me
...
That this...
Isn't..
Serious
Just
Yet.
Please...

I went through the trouble of putting you two guys together,
And now you guys are screaming at me.
What the heck did I do deserve the screaming?!
You guys are insane!
I thought you loved each other!
Stop screaming at me!
CURSED LOVE!!!!

She
points her
toes in the shoe
until the crease scars.
She won't fall until the script
says to do so.
Breathe.
Pause.
Now
Fall.

The
doll models
the Pas De Quatre
buried within act two.
Toes fall and up and jump
and flow.

She
recites the
moves in a secret
Diary of Dance:Swan Lake.
Breathe.
Pause.
Now
Fall.
Breathe.
Get up.
Smile.
Bow.
Now
cry.

You know the meter at the carnival?
When the guy hits the pad with the hammer and the weight makes the bell ring?
Imagine a bell one hundred times higher than that...
Imagine the meter as a meter that measures a person's difference..

The beginning of the show,
Is the end of a fall..
Make it meet your difference..

The crack in a wall..
Is the seal on an envelope.
Open up wide.

The light on a shadow..
Makes the shade..
Show your light..

You know the meter at the carnival?
When the guy hits the pad with the hammer and the weight makes the bell ring?
Imagine a bell one hundred times higher than that...
Imagine the meter as a meter that measures a person's difference..

Hollow beating filling the silence.
Flutter of a butterfly's wings.
Is all I hear.
I turn around
In all my dreaming;
he's here.
To get me done with.
To ruin my life.
To destroy my life.
I'm dreaming.
Probably not the most violent of them all.
He sees me.
I look and he's got a tear dripping from his chin only to dissolve into his cotton shirt.
I look unworried.
Because I'm dreaming.

All the sudden
It switched total different perspectives.
I'm him.
The body limp in a chair.
It's me.
The face of a girl I never knew.
I never knew truly.
I know this is the happiest of dreams when he doesn't put a finger on me.
One of my dreams.
I didn't end with silent death.

Her beauty strikes the mirrors so hard in surprise,

They break.

But every time she enters a room with a mirror or a reflective surface,

She fades,

And her face is left echoing on the mirror.

Men have tried tricking her into 'adult pleasure'

She refused.



Her voice as smooth and crystal clear as diamond raven beak.

Her figure as narrow as an arrow.

Her hair.

Whispers in the wind.

But her face.

Echos

Everywhere

She

Goes.

The feelings around me.
My empathic workings.
Screws tightening when he walks by me.
He's angry.
The world
Is nothing but a ball filled with anger and sorrow.
My fellow empaths.
Are here to help.
And none of you know it.
What a weird place this is.
It's dark and scary room.
Is nothing but a scream.
Will it get me through to my next lifetime?
So I can be one of the empaths working the healings and feelings,
Of my fellow friends.
I'm an Empath.
And nobody...
Knows..

I've learned to settle down,

I've learned to pin pain like a gown,

And when you've tackled the line,

I'm in the end of time,

Because you sit there on the chair,

While I spend my life climbing up endless stairs.


When you turn back around,

I'm laying on the ground,

I look like I'm dead,

When I really just need a bed.

I kick and punch like a little tyke,

And that's when you press dislike.

You're not going away.
Nor are you flying away.
You are also not driving away.
Walking away.
running away.
Nor are you falling into the dark and empty shadows of the night.
You're not leaving.
You're not just going to disappear.
And you're not going to reappear.
But you're going to fade away.
As the clock ticks you think you still have awhile.
But humans aren't like cats that have 9 lives.
Humans have 1 life.
Humans spend on alcohol.
On drugs.
On words.
On contracts.
And even on other humans they don't love.
They spend on just random unrealizable things.
But the way I choose to spend mine is up to me.
I choose.
To be free like a bird.
And to watch me hit a twenty story high window and fall, fall down.
Until I hit the ground.
I want to watch my clock tick and tick away.
As the seconds fly on by.
Minute by minute.
Hour by hour.
Day by day.

I'm here to watch your life too.
Just don't be like me.
And be so lazy to get up in the morning.
Don't be like me.
And do something more entertaining with your life.
I'm here to watch my beak and body crack and shatter and not leave a piece behind for you to pick up.
I'm here. Like you. For a short time.  Watch your clock wisely. And don't spend it thinking what you're going to do.  Spend it on doing something.

If February is the month of love.
Well ***** it.
I've been so messed up all month I've started thinking crazy and
frightful thoughts.
I'm so ******* up I feel the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter
every possible second,
the milliseconds, trilliseconds, billiseconds.
I want help,
Help from someone who understands and knows how to rid this strong wrath from my body.
Someone who has felt it before.
If February is the month of love,
Then how come there's people dying?
The cursed love we pump through our veins,
Is that it?
It's like this every February!
RID ME OF MY POURING TEARS!!
IT'S SO PAINFUL..
AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY!!!
FIND ME AGAIN!!
FIND ME AGAIN AND RID ME OF MY WORRIES...!!!
PLEASE!!!
NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE TO ASK!!
BUT I CAN'T HELP MYSELF RIGHT NOW!!
IT'S FEBRUARY AGAIN!!!
AND
I'M FIGHTING A FURY!
AN UNBEATABLE ANGER!
I WANT IT GONE!
IT'S WINNING THE BATTLE!
THE MENTAL AND HEART KILLING WAR WITHIN ME!!
RID ME OF THIS FEBRUARY!!!!


I'm fighting a battle,
And it's winning.
It's February....
The month of cursed love....

To blame someone;
know their story.
To that of treachery;
is a deadly sin.

Do you blame someone?
Once upon a star.
Do you blame her?
Shooting silver lights.
Is there a reason?
On the dark and rainy night.
Can you blame her?
To test my strength.
Could you blame her?
And my weaknesses.
Will you blame her?
My kindness fled over.
Why? Because of your puny power you call courage and sensitivity?
Cover my eyes.
Why? Why do you choose to lay your guilty life onto her?
Because she's the one who made me who I am. But thinks me with such base thoughts.
Do you wish?
Do I wish what? That my flailing end will come to reach me at any moment? That her dark hole of controversy will pull my into a story? Do I have someone to blame? To tell my individual story? To read it's painless points? to rate my conversations?  To make my day when everything is wrong?
No. I never wish upon a star. The first falling cherry blossom of the season.The hare shaped cloud of the year.

To blame someone else;
know their story.
And to that of treachery;
is a harmful sin.

Roses may bloom
Daisies will die in Winter
Cherry Blossoms may not come true
Irises will open wide
Let me see the flower petals falling

Lift off
Into the complete light of happiness.
Forget what happened;
What I said.
Lift off you little butterfly.
Flutter your wings, like you never have before.
Flutter your wings and fly away.
To the northern sky, where there's everything you need.
To the southern deserts and land on a cactus.
Just promise, when you flutter your wings like that;
That you will come back to see me.