do you know
what's harder than
crying?

when people think
you're fine
because your eyes
don't look puffy
nor are they bloodshot.

do you know
what's harder than
losing sleep?

when people think
you sleep peacefully,
dreaming behind your closed eyelids.

do you know
what's harder than
living?

when people think
you've moved on,
looking for a new life.

the hardest thing of all, though,
is when i have to go through them all,
but without you.

Oh King of
mixed signals,
could you once,
be clear?
Your red light,
green light,
yellow light
are all on
at once.
Causing traffic
on the interstate of
my mind.
Backed up for hours,
your red light,
green light,
yellow light
are all on
at once.
Stay.
Go.
Slow.
Oh King of
mixed signals,
make up
your mind.

I waited in a long line to see an empty shell of a person I once knew

and when I got to the front and felt her hand, cold and hard
like my heart in that moment,

I knew I was dead, too.

Dad,Daddy,Father
those words don't break my heart;
they destory it,
crushing it into a million peices
456 days ago,
I would've smiled at those words thinking of great memories;
now, I think of death
where is my Dad now?
is my Daddy somewhere beautiful?
is my Father laughing with other angels?
why isn't he with me?
why isn't he laughing with me?
I ask people these questions
they reply with "It was his time, it will get better."
they lied
it doesn't get better, you just learn to live with it
It's been 457 days or 658,876 minutes
and I still find myself counting back to when I was with him
Dad,Daddy,Father
your little girl is down here wishing she was with you
hoping that wherever you are in heaven,
you're wishing you were with her too.