Up the steep steps
as you reach the age old fort,
you breathless behold
the green valley down below
and that magnificent mound of rock
by the name Robinson Hill.

In the sweet silence of birds' chirping,
the winds reek of rifles and gun smoke
and you hear not the rustling leaves
but bullets echoing all over the valley
one more down, another down
as they held the fort till fell breathless
passing into tombs and memorials
you read to pause for a breath
up above the green valley
where the grasses grew over the blood.

I hear her heart haunting these halls.
Roaming throughout, she echoes moans of mediocrity.
Portraits painted over, but I still seem to see her smile seep through.
Wails like whispers in my ears;

“I don’t think this is working, I’m seeing someone else.”

Daggers digging down to drive out these demons.
A rush of red comes to the surface; drowns out the quiet.
Scar these halls with scarlet.
Blare out her broken beat.

Fear consumes,
but mind alludes
To you -- statuesque repose,
my heart swells in happiness.

What constitutes as fear?
An unpleasant feeling.
Our body tells us to react:

Chest tightens in expectation,
resist the urge to jump out of my skin.
Not wanting to resist the urge to jump onto yours...
be close to you in your warmth,
the sweet serenading cadences of your voice,
tracing, outlining, making me vocalize,
like a full harmonizing choir.



You are worthy, so worth it.
Unconventional, not intentional...
finding you, compassionate soul.
You make me brave, undismayed --
swayed by your gentle tenderness.

Fear consumes,
but what is fear when your mere presence brings me peace.
Chest loosens in tranquility, our heartbeats synchronized.
Once wary, now calm.

Fear is flat,
you taught me that.
An unobserved, irrational self-created entity.

Fervently fearless with you.

My mind: inundated,
infiltrated with booming thoughts and desires.
Multiplying in one huge devastating explosion.

One after another.
Feeling your desire from a higher
energy that is pulsating through my veins,
making its way into my very being.

I crave you intensely,
immensely, mind numbingly so.
But the weeds begin to sprout,
My garden of anxiety and doubt.

I know you have your own garden to tend.

I can feel you too,
Inside of me, my mind that is.
Eyeing your beautiful,
arbitrary haphazard thoughts.
Stream of consciousness.

Connecting the dots
to tell the conclusion, there's been no
Illusion. Of my mind. Only assumption.

Not to have any confusion,
with how I feel for you
and what I think about.

Now back to assumption.
It's an evil thing.

Have the gumption
To do something about it.

All thoughts were not made equal.

Placing the bandaid
on top of the next.
Placating my irrational thoughts,
but all so fleeting.

I'm happy. Then...
the wounds peak through,
I know these outside influences
whether drugs or relationships won't hold up
in the ultimate goal -
the real happiness quantifier.

That happiness
Beautiful soulful careless laughter
Give me that happiness.
Sing and dance,
but not at the expense of my lungs and kidneys.

Talk about something you know
For you.
Intrinsically fascinating,
Not fabricating lies based on ideas
for Others to like you.

Stop pleasing others for their expense.
Please yourself through ridding
Yourself of dense
Self pitying thoughts and
Push-over tendencies
Rejection fearing
and Stop baring these heavy suicidal thoughts.

Learn
To appreciate your worth,
You have a gift of
Kindness, intelligence, mindfulness.
I love myself
Or at least I'm learning to
and the healthy way.
By myself.
And I won't ask your opinion, is that okay?
Yeah I'm still learning.