i'm shivering
as i wait for you
the cold is unkind
to the strangers like me
i look at my watch
to remind myself of the time
you were late
but i can wait
the freezing breeze was
unforgiving
it bore right through me
as i wait for you
passersby would look at me
sometimes they'd greet me
or ask me why i'm standing
outside here in the cold
i just replied with a smile
or sometimes i would say
" i'm waiting for someone "
knowing that you'll come soon right?
of course you will
i'm shivering
but much more erratic
still waited for you
i looked at my watch again
it says 9:00 pm
when you said you would come at noon
the night grew darker
as the other little shops
starting to close
i'm still standing here
outside in the cold
it's cold
the weather
the let down
it all feels the same
i'm shivering
but you never came

I write like an alcoholic
drinking the last drop of ink
from my pen
I asked a stranger
to lend me
some cash
for a pen
a stack of paper
to start writing again
I walk like Im drunk on words
drinking two thirds
of my shot for one second
do you reckon?
I'll be able to pay for this?
or will it cost me my life instead?
I can't stop drinking
honestly, I can't stop thinking
these words
I consider my thoughts
when I'm sober
filling up the blanks
of a memory
I try to subdue
I'll give thanks to the
bartender
whose drinks makes me
want more
hopefully I can render
some explanation
for my jumbled up words
written on a napkin
it so happens that
I found something to rhyme
to finish this line

I write like an alcoholic
maybe tomorrow's painful hangover
may be the reason not to write again

there's this pattern
that I keep on going circles at
for everything I gained
I lost something in return
but I guess
I just never understand
which losses were worth losing
and which gains were worth acquiring

tell me
what went wrong
was it because
i wasn't that strong
or it was that
i forgot to write you love songs
or maybe
i waited for you far too long
in between your words
you pronounced "him" differently
i wondered if there was a difference
between him and me
that so much
your eyes turn to him
and never me