my swollen soul
my secret
soaked in heavy darkness
i am alone.
i drain the sea of all its life and dark waters swirl through me
but secretly
secretly.

here i hold the dark blue heart of fire
the melancholy hue that takes light
from light and swallows the bellows of a smothered lonely heart.

but even in the sadness
and the madness of sweet solitude
music holds me and rocks me-
and notes flow through sorrow
like it is nothing-
songs swell too
and the world is true
(it takes me back.)
so choirs sing my soul to ease
and i can sit on hands and knees
while billowing chords cry love like
suns still shining
when the world bows away
this world will have me
i can stay.

there are treasures for you but you cannot hold them.  not with your hands stretched this wide because you can know love but it will flow through you.  love can do that.  flowers will wilt and their leaves will dry like they've never known water but the truth is they have.  and i have known you.  and i love you but we will falter.  and i love you but we will rise again.

i am malleable.
i could be a succinct calamity
with small macabre alcoves
full of the furies from my heart

do not open them-
i am pandora.
still, without them
i am impenetrable.

i can be a composition.
a lullaby, or some sweet aria
with a gargantuan finish.
or, just silence - a statue
in shy circumstance.

i have an obnoxious heart
that just can't handle love
with any dignity:
i am every figurative phoenix
and i will see light again.

i am malleable.
but for the love of god
do not hurt me.

there was a time
when i thought the sun
was a myth
hidden in words
like demeter and persephone
there is fog here
and the night comes too quickly
and you are wrapped in
sadness.

tears fall out of my eyes
like anvils

sometimes only gravity keeps us here.

and i am only here to tell you
when the fog lifts

the light will be where you left it.

one of my problems is that i am in love with falling in love.
my friends will tell you that.
and they will sigh because they are always the ones who hear me howl.

baby
the world holds you
with complete delight-
time rocks you in reverence
and seconds and hours are prayers for you.

the world is new and
yours.
it sings and sighs in solar keys
and mountains hills and trees
are temples
with life for living.
you are the most beautiful melody
each note a psalm
and your heart one great balm
that soothes us.

honey you are pure life
your eyes pools of
deep genuflection
you find love for everything

and darling you love so truthfully.

hold your head high boy, because we've been here before.  we have been to this place where sadness holds us and tears us apart.  but we're quiet now.  i have love but we can't look at it.  silence is our home.  it keeps our hearts at bay and let's us keep walking through life like we never were.  and my how we've grown.
hold your head high boy, because we've been here before.
tell me the reason why
time
has this hold on us
tell me why the clock
talks like a devil.
it's okay
i get it.
so let us hold our hearts apart
and never wonder
but my

how we've grown.

the world and love and you

the world is not meant for me
beauty might be everywhere
and stars might fall and trees might
reach to the sky that might be blue
that might have sun
and light,
and glory

but light burns
and stars fall anyways
and glory is for
heroes
and i am out of love and out of
life
and the world is not meant for me.

Hard to say why new
matters to
me,
(who is someone
new forgets)

hard to say
when I will learn
about forgetting

but I still know how to grow.