I'm lonliest when my skin touches the bed
I want company most when the pillow cradles my head
I'm most desperate when the lights are low
And the space behind my eyes is blank as snow.

I want to talk more often at night
When all my contacts are asleep till daylight.
I'm impressionable, supple, at the sight of the moon
When all I do wait for the next day's noon.

I want touch more often before dawn
A lover to lay with, to sing disgusting love songs.
I'm more unstable before the sun shines
And I roll in bed to find nothing, expecting one of my kind.

I'm obsessive when the dark of night falls
And I nurture my obsessions as I wait for a call.
I'm irrational, illogical, when the sun's down
I turn my body to the wall and wait for any sound.

I'm at my worst, here in bed, tonight
With no one to hold, to clutch and call mine
I'm broken, shattered, in the moonlight
While the rest of Earth mutters their 'goodnight's

Spasmodically chaotic
Flies the embryonic tonic
Through the veins and to the brain
Heart and soul are now defiled
Complicating, hating
Imitating, devastating
Dying stars so full of scars
Schizophrenia’s inner child

Ash to ash and dust to dust
Sanity begins to rust
Bleeding laughter
From beneath the mourner’s veil
Carried on into the dawn
Imprinted on the demon spawn
Unresting and ingesting
The dismembered and impaled

The bones of the alone
Rattle on in monotone
Resurrecting and collecting
Tortured ghosts of minds depraved
Humanity receding
Feeding on the need for bleeding
Leaving mental catacombs
Eternally engraved

I am for you
But I’m against what you do
As long as you get what you want
You don’t care who you use
I am for you
But I’m against what you say
You’ll tell any twisted lie
If it gets you your way
I am for you
But I’m against your philosophy
“If you’re not for me,
Then you’re against me,”
I am for you
But you’re against me
You use the help I offer
To get what you don’t need

You tell us you’re tryin’ to change
Just another way you lie and steal
You’re pushin’ everyone away
All you care about is how you feel
I won’t help you destroy yourself
You can do that so well on your own
Only you can help yourself
The choice is yours, and it is yours alone

I am for you
You know I am your friend
But I refuse to watch you fall
Over and over again
I am for you
But you have got to try
You will never have respect
When all you do is lie
I am for you
But I will not pretend
If you’re not gonna help yourself
Then this is where we end
I am for you
But I refuse to be
Just another pawn
Who helped you fall disgracefully

You tell us you’re tryin’ to change
Just another way you lie and steal
You’re pushin’ everyone away
All you care about is how you feel
I won’t help you destroy yourself
You can do that so well on your own
Only you can help yourself
The choice is yours, and it is yours alone

My face covered


with the glowing sun above the sky.

Spark a whisper in the dark
There’s so much left to say
All these things we've tried to hide
Have given us away
All our spoken glances
Leaving smiles upon our hearts
But every drop of silence
Swiftly tears our world apart

Broken hearts now beat
In perfect rhythm, out of touch
Yet we keep retreating
Gaining nothing, losing much
Maybe our dark demons
Are but angels in disguise
Desperately screaming out
The truths that never die

I want you to reach out and touch me
With much more than just your mind
For all that you've exposed me to
Has touched me for some time
I want to reach out and hold you
With much more than just my heart
For you've long been held captive
By the hearts that won’t impart

I want you to lay here beside me
As your smile lays on my heart
For laying here without you
Only tears my world apart
Let’s fight this darkness together
And silence the voices that scream
Let’s see if we have found the love
We've only shared in dreams

I broke.
I broke and you saw me
And I asked you
Because I was afraid
Because I was chaotic
Because you were the only one who had ever seen
I asked you
"What if I'm not meant to be human?"
And you said
"Oh you are
You are."
You told me
You thought I was wonderful
And then you
Proved that
You didn't
And that is why
It hurt.

Your silence

Your silence wraps me like a worn blanket,
thin and frayed, providing no warmth,
no protection from the cold that invades
my every pore as I sit here
shivering with fear, questioning every shadow
moving outside of the window,
lurking, as if sneering
at this emptiness drenching my soul
with worry and doubt

"The quiet so that I might hear my own heart beat if it weren't broken"  

Lost inside these four walls,
stained and patterned of vacuous dreams,
folding within the plaster nightmares
My eyes wet, red and stoic,
nervously seeking any minute reassurance,
even the faintest of whispers
that you are somehow with me
as I wait, counting dust particles
in the muted sunlight
cowering in this corner
with only your silence…echoing in my mind

I move like a ****
I move like a *****
No, I move like a woman
And that's definition enough.

I walk like a man
I carry myself proudly
No, I walk like a human
And that's definition enough.

I speak like I'm white
I behave oddly to the colour of my skin
No, I act with intelligence
And that's adjective enough.

Strip me of your petty labels
I'll not be held down, I'll refuse their grip
Because I am simply me
And that's definition
And that's adjective
And that's enough.