I feel exposed.
my insides are crumpling up like a stricken peace of paper
it feels like something rotten is crawling from my bones to the skin.
is it my ego deflating, my confidence derailing?
No, it's just one of my depressive moods coming up to say hello
it wants to chat and is unwilling to go
like an unwelcome guest
a nuisance!
obscuring my attentions view
It's begging for notice
Does it have something useful to say?
Maybe I should listen
to the thought that cut so deep
I don’t know.
It could be just another random swing
but i think its more than that
Its my brain telling me i need to think
to do something different
to alter my ways
i need to continue evolving
changing and morphing
adapting the pattern
to fit what is needed.
...
think too much, think too deep
but i want to keep this flame -
to hurt me till i'm heeling
The old me has to die
a new one has to emerge
Birth is a painful process
as we both should already know.

From a single molecule,
One microscopic molecule,
ONE TINY PEACE OF REPLICATING MATTER,
Life as we know it has emerged with all its beauty.
Humans - You, Me and every single living being on this earth,
Has risen from one molecule

Can you imagine?
Your life, Your particular traits
The way you get slightly embarrassed after taking a compliment
The way you feel after an argument
Your fingers, your muscles, your eyes, and your brain -
Everything has been generated from one single molecule
It determines your looks, it determines all of your abilities
(we must not forget the environment,
which shapes the molecule into what it becomes,
but it's not the theme for this poem.
So let us move on)
It determines the feelings you are capable of having.
It controls your body and the actions you generate.

Think about it! No SERIOUSLY think about it!

How is that possible???
Your whole life is governed by that single molecule.
You are nothing but It's host, Its robot
Whose sole purpose is to get It into the next generation
The molecule doesn't even care about you that much.
It makes you die so that you don't compromise Its further proliferation
After a while, you are just an outdated machine, a liability to newer copies
You have to die so that new combinations can see what works.
****...
I didn't see it as deeply before
I should call myself Mr. Molecule
a biological robot living to further my genes existence.
It feels so empty, though
But this is the truth
I feel used.
Used by the very thing that gave me life
The very thing that is me
That gave me the ability to have consciousness,
To think and to observe
To look and to see
To write these words
To understand and to manipulate
That gave me the potential for everything I can do
It is the origin for everything that we have ever experienced.
It’s about time that everyone finally came to realize.

I am the universe
coming to life
asking WHY?
Waking up from an amnesiacs dream
memory wiped clean from any preexisting scheme
wandering around, cluelessly and awkwardly
growing wiser and older
with each passing moment...
each thought
each calculation
with each generation
I grow older
I grow wiser
Yet still... I ask the same question.

The form I am currently in
Is just one point of reflection
it is not the beginning
nor is it the end
It is part of the Grand process
Of you and of me
including everything there ever is to be.

Who am I?

I am the universe
And you are my product
You are a part of me
I am the entirety of you
There is no separation - no boundaries,
for everything grows from the same seed

But why am I here?
What is the meaning of this?
(the questions remain)
I cannot answer
For I haven't gotten so far
We have to wait...
For the calculation to be done
It won't happen in your life
And it won't happen within your mind...
That thing is beautiful - a piece of art
but it is also too limited
for the answers to come.

So for the time being
You have to be humble
Accept the ignorance
But still stay nimble
You cannot give up
For I really do need you
If you do not comply
There might not be a sequel.

God doesn’t care
Is what you need to understand
He set the world in motion
Not hoping for your petty devotion
So don't get this false notion
That he loves you as a person
We follow the same rules as other life
We are ants on a higher level of complexity

If you die in a car crash
If you get cancer
If your daughter jumps in front of a train
If your children burn in hell
He does not care.

Or at least he certainly does not cry about it
Its how he made the world
So what can he say about it?
I'm sorry?
I didn't mean to?
That's not the right answer.
He knew what he was doing
And now we eat his pudding

(Creating laws for selection
And effective strategies for a positive outcome
Suffering is one of them -
The reason it hurts is why it ******* works!)

We are meaningless pieces of functional matter
Wandering the world
Hoping to find love and peace
Just so that we could **** and raise children with ease.

So
Where is this all going?
Making it way too confusing.
Is there meaning to the Anthropocene
Or is it just another random biological flourish
Like the 99.9% of species that so helplessly perished

No one knows
We will have to wait and see
Until then I think its best
To try and enjoy the scene
Just how God intended it to be
Let's just hope he doesn't make it too obscene...

An ape with a faith.
Quite hard to articulate
Sinning means losing in the long run
or not so distant future.
I don't want to sin
I want to get into Heaven -
Or the Next Stage of natural selection
We can call them both ways, for they are the same.
...
Am I good enough for you, Evolution?
Do you love me
Am I in your image
Am I going in the right direction
Am I closing in on perfection

Or am I too distorted
Too dumb and misguided
Growing further and further away from the branch
The branch that gets to keep growing

The branch that leads to heaven
Is where I want to be
But it’s not like we get to choose
So who is there to blame?

Amor Fati!
Sayed Nietzsche and wiped the tears from his face.
did he know the gravity of this insight with heavy clarity?
The grandiose, wishful celebration of life with the acceptance of faith
is but a mask that's too light to stand in the way of the actuality of reality,
We don't choose our faith, we can just accept it and try to love it
But can you truly love something that is staring you in the eye while pulling the trigger of oblivion?
I doubt it.

If you are lucky,
the face of faith is a loving, caring young women
with the future in her eyes,
giving you slight signs about how great it will be when tomorrow comes.

But back to the executor,
what about Him, huh?
How can you take the Ultimate Dismissal with pride and love??
How can you see the mechanics of evolution,
the generation of many different individuals,
with a wide distribution of traits.
Of which just a few golden combinations
are well suited for the specific moment
Understanding, that the rest of the beings,
who have feelings (especially those of suffering)
Will prove themselves unworthy to enter the Gates of the next stage of selection?
I don’t know.

But I do hope you are the one who will enter
I do hope I will too
But my hope is of no effect
We will just see what life shows to be correct
Until then let’s not spoil the moment and save the regret