if i broke into 100 beautiful pieces
then id have 100 beautiful ways
to do 100 beautiful things
for the 100 beautiful reasons that i love you

its possible that forever
a brighter day can shine
even if its no day for me
ita a day brighter than mine

a brighter day for someone
but i cannot tell you who
because i cannot tell the future
but i can show it to you

Is this when it starts?
or has it already begun?
does it take one more?
or just this one?

One isn't so bad,
its the only one I've ever had,
another shouldn't do any harm,
so there really is no cause for alarm,

Well now that I've had two,
What's one more going to do?

People say don't give in,
it'll **** you in,
It'll tear apart your life limb from limb,


But I feel fine,
I'm completely okay,
I can just quit any day,

I can control myself,
I don't need to quit,
I'm not like the other people
who lose their life to this ****,

But now that I'm already in so deep,
without it I just cant sleep,
I've run out and I need more,
so in the middle of the night I go to the store,
I spend what little money I have left
just so I can get a decent nights rest,
I wake up and I do it again,
Is this how my life will be til the end?

Scrapping for change to buy another pack,
hack at my skin because I just need another,
my brother telling me I need to change,
but I'm deranged by this demon of ash and charcoal,
burning a hole inside of my soul,
and now I meet death in the face of my affliction,
my demon.
my addiction.

I feel the wind rush across my face
And it takes me away
To a once invisible place

A place the world has never seen,
With running mountains
And tall rivers,
Jumping birds
And kind killers,

A place where dreams rarely come true,
And the stars are always falling upon you,
Colors for millions of miles,
Silver trees and plains of golden tiles,

Leaves of birds,
Roses of water,
Feelings of words,
Colder of hotter,

Energy of wind,
Treasure of sky,
Life of earth,
In peace to die,

But no dreams,
No friends,
No family,
Is how this life ends,

And I once again feel the wind rush across my face
In hope of returning to a once familiar place,
But I am not taken back to the home that I now dearly miss,
I have been given a lot here but I have not been given this,

I hated my life before
But now it’s even worse,
This field of gold is my cemetery
And the water of air is my hearse,

Even in a place of dreams
Where dreams don’t exist,
Happiness isn’t what it seems,
Anything is better than this,

I didn’t know what I had
Until it was taken away,
I forgot who I was for a second
And now I’m in a different place than I was earlier today,

But now I know
That family and friends can’t be replaced,
By golden grass
And silver lakes,

Or by trees of silver,
Or tiles of gold,
Or water of air,
Or fear of old,

Not influence of mind,
Nor age of time,
Not the strongest powers,
Nor history’s greatest hours

What a concept a family is,
Who are they and what do they do?
What are their motives?
And how do they involve you?

Is it a game that is meant to attack the soul?
Is it meant to put you to shame until you are dead and old?

is it supposed to feel like there is no light?
Am I supposed to be this deep in the dark?
Is there a certain life threatening mission
On which I must embark?

How much fear am I supposed to have?
Should I stay coiled up on the ground?
Crying and shaking
All around,

The tears won’t stop,
Even with no emotion on my face,
I want to go somewhere else,
A different place,

Death is my desire,
I want it to end in fear, pain, and fire,
This is how I feel,
I can’t make it any more fake or real,

I don’t want any kisses or hugs,
All I keep getting is betrayal,
Sometimes it slides off like rain,
But it always hurts like hail,

This darkness that my mind and heart
Forever share
Is a sentence of death
That ends in darkness and despair

I travel to different places,
see new things, new faces,
new cultures, classes, colors & races,
I made this path with my own two hands
because I decided as a man
that I'm gonna do what I can to travel the land,
because I have a problem,
I cant stand still,
I need to test my strength of will,
I need to fight, conquer & ****
this fear controlling my lonely being,
the darkness that keeps me from seeing
whats right in front of me,
a way to be happy,
a way to smile,
a way to feel at ease for a while,
because for as long as I remember I've been at this by myself,
but now I think I might need someone else
to push me when I slack,
to stand by my side & share the weight on my back,
& I don't know when i'll crack,
because nothing lasts forever,
but maybe if we stay together,
we can make whats left of our time better.

When the wind blows I close my eyes,
i feel the cool air painting my skin,
the same breeze that dances with the trees
and gently waves the grass,
it passes through my hair
like a lover so fair,
so soft, so caring, so kind,
and if only for a moment,
I am in serenity in my mind.

What should I do when I like a girl?
What do I do when this feeling is honest and real?
When I know what I want but not how it’s supposed to feel,

I know what I can give her,
And I don’t have much to give,
But I know that she
Is the only one with whom I want to live,

Then I found that she is taken,
And my heart was pulled out and violently shaken,

Any hope of seeing her again
May still be,
But now it will be only as friends,
And not with me,

And though this is crushing,
A natural sense of protection has formed,
So that if she ever gets hurt,
I’m ready to charge with raging horns,

I’ll fight anything with all my strength and more,
I’ll fight one, two, three, and even four,
And if four don’t get enough I’ll fight thirty-three,
Just as long as she is safe and the pain goes all to me,

I’ll happily die fighting
If I know that she’ll be ok,
There will be a big smile on my face,
And it will be there to stay,

The reason that I go through all this trouble
To prove who I am,
Is because I believe in the truth
Whether I have to do it with soft words or a heart pounding slam

i give my friends advice
advice that i don't even follow myself
i always try to be nice
as im in this living hell

i have an image for my friends
and its the only one i let them see
because the other one is too disappointing
and its always talking to me

it says things like
haha thats a lie!
you don't even know why!
don't you just wanna cry!
why don't you just give up and DIE!

you don't even know what to say
you'll get rejected every single day
your always gonna get pushed away!
you can try but you'll fail anyway!

my lifes future events
and stupid plans
have me sad and alone
thinking of a girl with whom i could still be holding hands
but she doesn't care about me
she can't see the things i see

i can see all that we can be
but she can't
because she's too busy being free
and i had hope that we would get back together
but now its not very likely

does anybody really care about me
when did i become such an easy person to forget
when did my life lose quality
sometime i think giving up is my best bet

sometimes i don't care
sometimes i don't feel like being fair
sometimes i care about who, why or where
sometimes i just want people outta my hair

sometimes i just want to cuss people out
i want to tell them i have it worse without a doubt
i want to sock them in the face
i want to put them in their place

but i never do these things i just let the tension build up in my brain
and then i forget about it all
then later i do it again

im just too weak to do anything about it
but the hate keeps breeding in my mind
and i can't live without it
im wrapped in an unbreakable bind

stop pushing me down
stop holding me to the ground
let me stand on my own two feet
when i get up i hope its the devil i meet
because im gonna get up strong
im gonna get up right
this wont take long

im getting up with a fist in my left hand
and a hammer in my right
im gonna be smashing the devil all day
im gonna be smashing him all night
but i suppose i should be thankful
because the devil gave me hate
something to let loose
somethin with which to devastate

nothing will break my path
i tear down the road with wrath
my dreams can't be shattered
broken, beaten, or battered
everything in my way will be killed
nothing and no one is stronger willed

I live between the darkness and the light
I am no angel of heaven
or demon of the night

i do not **** for pleasure or smiles
i do not save lives for rewards that stretch for miles
i do not hide in secret because of fear or defeat
there are reasons why i run and retreat

to most i am evil
i am the devil within
to most i am the devil himself
i am each and every sin

they are wrong

i cannot be defined
my life cannot be waved off and signed
i cannot be controlled
i am driven be the fury of the warriors of old

there was a time when wars were fought with sword and shield
and such a power that made their enemies yield
lives weren't saved out of simple care
they were saved for the good of everyone everywhere
their hope was always hanging on the tip of a string
but they knew the future can be changed by even the smallest thing
and even though life barely hung by a thread
they lived and fought as long as they weren't dead

As I walk through my dreams,
I witness the world end over and over
before my stricken eyes,
and all I've ever known becomes lost in oblivion
as the earth I love dies,

I cant help crying as all life is dying
and a deep plunge of fear entangles my soul,
here I stand still, dead against my will
and I've lost all total control,

This is what I feel
this is what I see,
such is what it seems,
and so,

As I walk through my dreams,
My ethereal imagination travels the universe,
scaling the vast cosmos of space,
As I approach the edge I peer beyond the ledge
and I see my one true place,

Transcending the fabric of the space time continuum
I pull on the strings of creation and existence
Altering reality as I readily see fit...
This is it.
This is the end.
All roads bend to this one place
at the center of time and space,

Oh! the magnificence!
Oh! the beauty!
Oh! the infinite energy
that flows right through me!

But I must cry,
Because as I open each eye
I see what it all means,
That I was just walking through my dreams.

I remember when I was just a small boy,
Playing with my yellow Tonka toy,

I would pay no attention to all the death in the streets,
I just listened to the comforting sound of my mommas heart beats,

I didn’t care what anyone said to me because I was only a child,
I was always restless, energetic, and wild,

But I was also very sweet, cute, and kind,
The thought of hurting another never came into my mind,

I used to make up the craziest fantasies in my head,
“I always loved hearing your stories” as my mother said,

I would give her two hugs and two kisses every night before I went to bed,
And then she would tuck me in and give me one more kiss on my head,

After she left I would shout goodnight to my sister and my two brothers,
And then I went to sleep with the soothing warmth that was my mothers,

fate put a pen in my hand
and a paper in front of me
fate told me to pour my heart out
so i wrote poetry

fate gave me a tool to record the thoughts of time
and the visions i see
so i recorded it with rhythm and rhyme
and the passion within me

i reflect the light of the sun
from pen to paper
i spread the smell of flowers
to make it even greater

i write the sound in the water
i write the movement in the sky
i write the touch of grass
and the way the birds fly

i write effects and feelings
i write expressions of passion
i write what hope brings
i write my imagination

each word i write
brightens my heart alittle more
each phrase that takes shape
opens up another door

so i give a toast to poetry
my friend
my buddy
the one who sticks by me
the who always helps me

you always have an open hand
you always make me feel happy and free
you always help me stand
when standing isn't easy

let us now raise our drinks together
and dedicte this moment
to poetry
may it live through our hearts
for all of eternity

Sometimes a word
Is all you need
To fall to the floor
And no longer breathe,

The hearts that need help
Are ready to fall with a touch,
So be careful what you say,
At least know that much,

Because the hearts that are falling
Are held together by air,
They keep falling,
Because no one is there,

You need to know,
Or at least realize,
That a simple smile,
Could just be pain in disguise,

Don’t be tricked
By a simple smile
And a “no thanks I’m fine”
All the while
These people are in pain all the time

Just stick it out
There’s no need to scream and shout
Hold a calm and steady voice
Saving a life is always a matter of choice
And when a life is saved
The savior may rejoice

I don't know what to do.

I've been gutted for all i have
and thrown back into the waiting room
to await something
that i hope will come soon.

a chance,
an opportunity,
something with continuity,
and substance and depth
so i can take a deep breath
of fresh beautiful air,
out there, in the wonderful world.

out of the waiting room,
deaths unsettling home,
with all the other people
and all the time alone.


unable to scream or to talk,
or to run or walk,
or to be happy and smile
at least for a while,

i guess that's life,
hardship and strife,
and a few small happy times,
i just wish i knew the reasons or the rhyme.

what is this light that I hold inside my hand,
this heat and softness on my toes inside the sand,
water rises up in a halo around my head,
the sand lifts me up like a comfy little bed,
I'm floating through the forest with a calmness in my mind,
the birds are chirping and they're following behind,
this light in my hand is getting ever brighter,
and this bed of sand is lifting me ever higher,
I enter a giant sphere of clouds floating in the sky,
there is no evil mist or shroud taking vision from my eye,
I take the deepest breath of purity in the air,
and I keep it in my heart with all the other beauty that is there,
the sand suddenly leaves from under me,
the water leaves it's place and creates a sea,
I'm terrified to be falling so furiously fast,
so I close my eyes and dream of things future, present, and past,
I open my eyes and I gently fall on the ground,
lying flat on my back, I get up and look around,
a field of beauty instead of an open sea,
only for a moment I wonder, how could this be?
I wonder why I've landed in such an interesting place as this,
there is something going on here but I don't know what it is,
this place is very strange and it grows stranger ever more,
and the beauty I keep inside my heart is no longer kept in store,
for all the beauty here cannot be held in one space,
because it is all our hearts that make up this special place,
so I hold my heart with this light held in my hand,
and I release it into this place, this beautiful, beautiful land

what did i do
do you think it was me
that turned you away
because i never let you be
when you complained every single day

was i supposed to just shut up
and let you talk
was i just supposed to sit there
listening to your complaining never stop

did you think i'd hide my thoughts
while hearing about every time you got stuck in a rut
did you think i'd stop
every time you added an if and or ****

i didn't give you my advice
just to be a ****
i wouldn't have given it to you
if i didn't know you were gonna get hurt

sometimes i think i should never have tried
i didn't know you'd throw away my every word
i don't know why i never thought you lied
you probably think this is all absurd

but to me its everything!

why can't i ever say what i wanna say
do you think i just dily daly
every single day

do i have feelings
do i mean anything to you
do you just do what you want
do you even think about what the effects do

don't even try to act like you know how i feel
don't even tell me you understand
don't even say that you care
when you pull away everytime i reach out my hand

why don't you just say it
to you i am dead
when you told me you haven't changed
you didn't mean a single word you said

you're no longer the same person
you're no longer the same friend
that friendly kids life has come to an end

My heart is hurting because of the words I keep in pain,
I never knew that keeping them from her would ever be in vain,
I never told her because I didn’t want to break her heart,
But instead I ended up tearing my own heart apart,

I asked her out to a military dance,
And the things I learned about her caught me in a trance,
She was just like me in many ways,
And I was stuck thinking about her for many days,

I spent a lot of time thinking of her
But I never spoke to her again,
Because my family was leaving
And I had to go with them,

I didn’t tell her because it would have broken my life,
And my ultimate failure would have taken new heights,
Even though she might not have felt the same as I,
I did it for her because she made feel like I could fly,

Now I know I shall never again
Be able to call her my dear friend,
And I’m completely breaking myself apart
As this pain suffocates my broken heart

The walls are cracked
They’re stained with water
Don’t try fixing it
Just don’t even bother

The sinks don’t work
The pipes are always leaking
All the beds creak
I don’t even try sleeping

The doors won’t close
The handles won’t stay
The grass won’t grow
It just rots away

Every window is broken
If not shattered
Its always so cold
As if it ever mattered

All the paint is chipping off
All the wood is breaking apart
It reminds me of my wounded body
It reminds me of my broken heart

It reminds me of myself
Of what I’ve come to see
That this broken home
Is a reflection of me

Life is something meant to be lived
Living is just another way to give
Giving ensures kindness will be returned
And kindness is better given not earned

Fear is something not to be afraid of
Being afraid doesn’t leave room for love
Loving means there is no hate
And hating can destroy a beautiful fate

Strength helps to create confidence
Confidence helps to gain common sense
Common sense helps you to know what to do
And knowing what to do creates confidence within you

You are the one who must make a choice
Choosing means that you have an inner voice
Your inner voice is what dictates who you are
And who you are will take you nowhere or somewhere far

If you are afraid to fall then you'll fall because you are afraid
You may believe all you strength has gone but it has always stayed
If you believe in yourself then nothing will stop you at all
And you will be invincible because you choose not to fall

feel your flow,
feel who you are,
feel the light
that connects every star,

create your waves,
your body of emotion,
your passionate love,
your powerful devotion,

lift your spirits,
be as the kind river,
move with its motion,
don't be afraid to sweat or shiver,

breathe the wind,
the calmness of the lake,
the beauty of the forest,
the sweet melody you make,

listen to the water,
listen to the trees,
listen to the earth,
and be the mind that it frees

fall into a dream,
close your eyes,
be quiet and calm,
as you soar the skies,

reach out your hand,
think of who you are,
and when you open your eyes,
you'll be holding onto a star,

you've been stabbed in the back
you've been pierced through the heart
you've always been under attack
you've never had a good start

you've been tossed to the floor
you've beaten on the ground
you've been hurt at your core
you've hurt all around

you've experienced the bad life
you've felt that hate
you've felt that rage
and you know what it can create

you've been insulted because of your height
you've been stereotyped because of your race
people have held you back all of your life
you've lost a lot of chances opportunities
your life has been through some terrible things
things that some people should never have to experience or see

there's only one thing left to do
and nothing left to say
so do it now
it will eventually happen anyway

Cry
like its everyone's business
Cry
like the world wants to know
Cry
like you've got nothing to hide
Cry
like you've got everything to show

just cry

cry out with passion
cry like the rain
just do it
cry out your pain

let the dreadful memories of your past
leave with your tears
and free your mind
of all your greatest struggles and fears

cry because you've got a family
a home
a bed

cry because your no longer homeless
no longer alone
no longer in a shed

cry because your strong
and able to put aside pain
able to conquer your fears
able to start over again

Dad.
I want to tell you how much I love you,
So here is my way to express,
how much I appreciate you,
I will do my best.

I know it may sometimes seem like I forget you're there,
Or like sometimes you are just talking to air,
Or that you haven't influenced my life whatsoever,
But Dad that will never be true, NEVER.

You will never leave my heart,
You will never leave my head,
You will always be a part of me,
Even after You're dead,

You won't leave me alone now,
You've never left me alone before,
It's the reason I'm the man I am today,
So I hope to hear from you even more,

I don't mean to take you for granted,
I don't mean to ignore your calls,
I'm sorry if it seems that way,
That's not what I want at all,

I love you so much dad,
I hope that you're with me forever,
I want you there at my worst,
and I want you there at my better,

I'm one of your children,
and we all love you so much,
I hope one day we can take care of you
Just as you have taken care of us.

I love you dad.        Marky

I'm the kind of guy that likes to lay in the grass
and stare at the sky
no matter what time of day it is,

I let my mind wander to far off places,
I think about the things that are the most beautiful to me,
the starry night sky,
a thunderous rain storm,
the eyes of a woman,

These thoughts loom in my mind for hours upon hours,
thoughts of adventure,
thoughts of love, of passion,
I fashion day dreams & fantasies in my imagination,
and I revel in the aesthetic pleasure
of these realities in my mind.

alone the trees are gray,
leaves falling in silence,
with ease the wind blows them away,
it requires no violence,

the wind carries them like babies in baskets,
it uses its own body instead of open caskets,

they land in the river,
and some on the sides,
but one still remains,
it debates and decides,

what shall i do? it says,
where shall i go?
should i stay here in the air?
or should i join the river flow?

shall i fall upon the side
where i will forever reside?
i simply just can't decide,

i can fly in the air and go anywhere,
i can fall on the side in the easiest place to hide,
i can float in the river like a boat in the winter,
or i can stay here and never ever decide,

speak to me
for i no longer speak
my eyes are restless
my heart is weak

my life is a realm
which stands at the helm
of the worthless dead
whom live inside my head

do not break in
leave me be
to all that my weary
restless eyes see

let all that my heart
cannot hold back
rise from the death
and corruptively attack

and like gods among the wrath of the earth
let their power free
and cause such devastation
that only devastation can be

i really wanna try
i really really do
i just can't face the fact
of disappointing you

i don't know what it is
that makes me just not go
there's always something else
that screws up my entire flow

the face of disappointment
strikes straight through my heart
it takes away my energy
and tears my hope apart

i don't want that again
not for the seventh time
a disappointment for every day of the week
and sadness will be mine

the value of my soul
will fall below zero
and will become unreachable
by any given hero

and darkness will fall upon my diminished sun
then i will remain the disappointing one
and as i lay in this deep and heartless place
i am once again dead upon your disappointed face

how stupid must you be?
to try your luck and walk on me,
when it comes to drinking anger i am always sober,
but if you step on me that time will sure be over,
i will become heavily drunk with rage,
and i will not be stopped by the strongest cage,

i passionately hate this person that you have forced out,
you were confidently in my face when you should have been in doubt,
if you thought that i would do nothing then you were terribly wrong,
now i shall beat you to the ground and drag your body along,
then i'll hold you down and pin your neck with a chair,
and i'll keep pushing down until your almost out of air,

then i will release and give you what is not my right to take,
and i will let you know that i choose not the path of hate,
i'll have you know that i could have killed you on the spot,
but lucky for you it is this evil person i am truly not,
i fought for your life even though you stepped on mine,
but i promise that you may not be so fortunate next time,

a fresh scent always comes from her hair,
and as i catch it i receive a blow to my chest,
it flows through the softness in the air,
such beauty that i can breathe at best,

it hurts my heart that she is oblivious to my love,
so painful to know i may never hold her hand,
and though i know i cannot hold her back,
i cannot bare to see her with another man,

because this man is not right for her,
he is not the man that she deserves,
i want to tell her so very bad,
but i am forced to keep my self in reserves,

it scratches my skin as i try to sleep,
it whispers into my ear every day,
it pulls my hair as i sit and weep,
it drains all my hope and strength away,

and i sit here staring at a picture of her face,
dreaming of the one i long to hold,
and i let go in this strange place,
as all my emotions begin to unfold,

so i must resort to simply dreaming
of one day meeting a girl that's for me,
i don't believe it's possible,
because how could something so perfect really be?

I am running in darkness.
i trip and fall into a pool of water,

As i fall under
hands come up to reach for me,
they're scratching, clawing and grabbing.
pinching, gripping and hacking,

I am drowning, choking and crying for air,
i try to break free but they grab my hair,
i can barely move, my muscles are getting weaker,
they're pulling me deeper, the surface grows bleaker,

Now i know that i am going to die,
water fills my lungs whilst in fear i cry,
and just before i was dead,
my final thoughts raced through my head,

I wish someone knew that i was here,
I wish i hadn't lived in fear,
I wish someone had really known who i was,
I wish i had fallen in love because
I really don't want to die by myself,
all alone with no one else,
I wish i could have a second chance,
but i wont even get a second glance,
If only i was not filled with hate,
I might have had a different fate,
but i spent my life crying and frowning,
so here i am fading... drowning.

what am I to do
with all these feelings I have left
I got them for you
but they never reached their best

our love began
but it didn't last
I tried to forget
but it remains in my past

I sometimes see your face
in windows and open doors
and I am reminded
that I was once yours

and as I sit here
alone with your picture in my hand
I feel you slip away
like fingers through the sand

everyone has shed tears
everyone has bore pain
everyone has had fears
everyone ***** at a certain game

but anyone can jump
anyone can laugh
anyone can smile
because life isnt so bad
so long as you choose
to listen, to learn
to honor, to earn
to love, to gain
to deal with pain
to be strong
to fight your fears
to defeat your demons
and let them fall with your tears

but ultimately

be true to yourself
be the free person of your choice
and help others to be happy and rejoice
and help your self
and others to know
that this is not your last day on earth
but it sure aint the first

my alarm goes off every morning
while I’m still snoozing and snoring,
i go to school and every second is so **** boring,
I’m just getting fatter with all this energy I’m storing,
i hate sitting here in this ******* chair,
all I’m doing here is wasting air,
if i could get out id go anywhere,
but for now i can only sit and stare,
let me out and send me to the moon,
we all know life ends way too soon,
c'mon man it’s almost noon,
i haven’t even gotten in my daily hour of doom,
when I’m done with this **** I’m saying goodbye,
i won’t even bother telling anyone why,
and i won’t waste my time stopping just to cry,
life is too short to worry about when i'll die,
I’m gonna climb mountains and swing on trees,
I’m gonna cross deserts and sail the seven seas,
ill fight monsters, beasts, animals, and bees,
ill defend to the death anything that life frees,
because life isn't meant to be lived behind a desk,
taking away all of life's very best,
with all this pressure lying on your chest,
just drop it, go out, and experience the real test!

in the darkness
a figure lit by an extremely dim light presents itself
with a fading hand
it summons the spirits of my life
faces from my much sorrowed past appear
as every tear falls from my eyes
i feel guilt and shame
a shadow of sadness clutches me
i try to hold onto those i no longer have
but they just slip away like sand in the wind
and all that is left of them are faceless memories

I'm trying to be happy in all the ways that I know how
but in this life of uncertainty its all for naught,
and these caverns in my heart just keep getting deeper,
they keep getting colder and darker
and like beautifully crafted blades
the loneliness is killing me in the softest and slowest ways.

I don't know how to stop the bleeding,
it's taking it's toll and freezing my soul away from the life I want to live,
and nothing I try will give
because I don't have the will to be who I want to be.

So it's ever just me,
falling to the depths of my oblivion sea,
watching the light fade as I sink into the dark,
deep stark silence eases me to the bed,
I close my eyes and retreat into my head
to feel one last happy thought before i'm gone,
but it's all been for naught all along,

And the lonely siren song sings me to forsaken sleep,
ending my agony and pain at the bottom of this ocean deep.

my hearts tower has been struck
my face is crawling with tears
my voice is stuck
frozen be my worst fears

one million tons of weight
coming down at once
leaving me in a state
of disbelief and distrust

people are falling on the ground
and screaming in pain
their falling all around
again and again

smoke in the air
black as night
dust is everywhere
blurry and white

im running away
a rock falls and almost breaks my knee
i hit the floor
then a guy falls next to me
rocks are falling everywhere
and the guy looks at me and says
what a terrible place to be
i'm surprised i'm not dead
i didn't reply
i looked back thinking
i wish i could just die
my heart hurts
my will is shrinking

a gigantic black cloud
is charging my way
its thundering and loud
if only i could blow this one away

people run
but i choose to stay
it may not be a good choice
but i think its better this way

fear is how i fall
and i have fallen
i will soon be dead
but this i do not dread
for it is not fear of death that caused this event
it is the hateful acts of terror that have been sent
they have violently struck the core of my heart
i can't take it, it's tearing me apart
please don't take this from me
i may not die happy
but at least i won't suffer
for what would seem like an eternity

fear is how i fall
and i have fallen

sometimes in my lonesome
i feel a deep regret,
like my life is forfeit
& my failures are set,
as if comfort has gone
from my chest,
along with cheer,
along with rest,

leaving me to the sleepless night,
trying to find any trace of light,
hoping for a reason to love who is me,
when i always feel that loved is what I'll never be,

because every night in my painful dreams,
happiness is in my reach it seems,
but every time i reach for it to seize,
i get cheated, robbed, or beaten to my knees,
and then I'm forced to watch that which i truly desire
go and leave me to drown in the sea or burn in fire,
or I'm left turned silence into stone,
forever to be cold...
forever to be alone.

I woke up to my brain having a deathmatch with my skull,
It shouldn't be possible to be this young and feel this old,
I need a cure before I fall over and die,
and all I can do is ask my self why oh why oh why
did I try to drink the whole world away?
**** me, surely I could have made a better decision yesterday.

I don't know where on earth I've ended up,
there are lots of empty bottles and red solo cups,
where are the clothes I was wearing last night?
The clothes I'm wearing are way too tight,
Where are my keys? Where is my wallet? Where is the door?
**** me, I can't do this **** anymore.

My brain is at war and my flesh and bones are dying,
I'm just going to lay in this hot shower and start crying,
trying to remember what I did the night before,
hoping I have no more regrets in store,
why do I always have to give in to my friends?
**** me, I'm probably going to end up right back here again.

Here I am once again lying in the ***** street,
Waiting for someone I know I may never meet,
Wasting my time with things like hope and belief,
Looking for a savior or a source of relief,
Walking with a shadow with a mind of its own,
Opening scars that have been many times re-sown,

My soul and my heart have left,
I can breathe in and out at best,
Defeat has been imprinted on my ugly face,
And I wear the crown of this dead and gone place,
My home has become the cold wind and the freezing rain,
My best friends have become the cold shoulder and constant pain,

This heart that I have lost has completely become my shame,
And all the while I count my loss I slowly forget my name,
You can speak to me upon the street and there is nothing I would do,
For if we really were to ever meet I would not remember you,
And all these faceless memories crawling in my skin,
Will soon totally consume me from within,
And air will cease to destroy all that I have in this earth,
And life will die and I will no longer let air cast its curse,

have you ever wanted something
something not for your eyes
something of beautiful tears
something of beautiful lies
something that envisions the seas
and encompasses the skies

have you ever wanted something
something you cant touch with your hand
something out of your reach
a vision that will soon come to an end
something that you need
something that has only your heart to mend

have you ever wanted something
something that you would put before your heart
something that symbolizes a new beginning]
something that symbolizes a new start
something that symbolizes a that missing piece
something that symbolizes a that lost part

have you ever wanted something so bad
lying
fighting
breaking the law
hurting
killing
taking no moral manner at all
realizing
seeing
what is your worst flaw
apologizing
crying
feeling bad enough to crawl
recuperating
regathering
standing back up tall
knowing
learning
what is the law
respecting
loving
only one and all
waving
saying
bye to your worst flaw

have you ever wanted something
something that you never reached
something you realized you dont really need
something that you would willingly help
and give air to breathe
but helping yourself
to continue to live and be free

how can you hurt someone so much
and just not care

how can you cause someone so much pain
and later do it again

how can you willingly take such control
how can you willingly live in such a black hole

it makes me feel the worst thing i can feel
helpless
i just cant believe how its so real
i hate this feeling
i hate times like these
i hate not being able to do anything

im gonna go crazy
im gonna break loose
im gonna break everything
break as if i have nothing to loose

i wanna do something
i wanna move
a wanna effect things
effect them how i choose

i hate this terrible feeling
of not feeling good
not feeling
the way that i should

i feel like im in this black space
i cant see anything
i cant reach anything
creating constant hate

their is nothing
solid
nothing to touch
no chair to sit on
not even a floor
nothing to stand on

no windows
no doors
no friends
nothing more
everything less
nothing there
only blackness

i feel like ive been put in this tiny box with no air holes
and each time i take a breath
i just get closer to death

do you realize
can you see
that this is happening to me
just because i think differently
just because i dont look the same
just because i play a different type of game
just because im on a different team
just because i dont understand what you mean
just because i step to hip-hop
just because i head bang to heavy metal rock
just because im addicted to MTV
just because i dont have money
just because i helped my little sister when she fell in the mud
just because i picked up and threw away a cigarette bud

i feel so alone
i need a mom or a dad
i need a friend
someone to be here when im sad

i wish that one day
someone would stop staring and help me
because whenever im helpless
there's always someone there to see

i wish someone would unbolt the box
and give me a breath of fresh air
and then tell me
that the next breath will be waiting right their

i wish someone would show me
that there are more feelings
besides sorrow and pain
more weathers
beside lightning storms and rain
better escapes
besides violence and death
better ways to end your crying
and still draw breaths

most people dont understad
that all it takes
is one person
to ruin a life
all it takes
is the push of the right button
to bring someone down without a fight

but it also only takes one person
to save a life
to unscrew the right bolts
and give some fresh air and light

to give hope
to throw down a rope
and pull someone up out of the dark
and tell them that life doesn't always have to be hard

to show that there are people out their with more feelings than just hate
people that can make you laugh
and smile
and make life worth while

these people are your family and friends
these people can shoo away all your sorrow and pain
these people can make you believe in good people again

Here I sit,
Pondering deep thoughts and ideas about life and the universe.

What is reality?
What is consciousness?
What is our purpose in life? If there is one.
When did it all really begin?
When will it all really end?

Here I sit
with such thoughts weighing on my mind with every day.
I know I can't answer them yet still I try.
Does that make me a philosopher?
Or a fool?

So here I sit,
Engulfed in my mind,
Searching for answers I can't hope to find.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the time.
Probably not, but who really knows?
What else am I to do?
So here I sit.

the thing that connects us to our high school past
is what we remember
whether its the heat of August
or the cold of December

will it be your high school sweethearts kiss
that you will dearly miss
will it be it be all the fun and romance
that had you caught in a sweet trance

i can tell you now that the memories i will have
will be that of the friends i had
and the way they made me laugh so much
so as for memories and good times
these ones will be such

Lie next to me on the bed
and lets stare at the ceiling like it's the night sky,
Hold my hand so I don't feel alone, but don't let me go,
or I just might fall back into my head
and get lost again in my crazy thoughts

I could miserably fall in love with you
I could love your darkness more than mine
I could watch your sun rise and set
Every day until the end of time

We can be hopeless romantics walking through strange places
Watching all the happy and all the sad faces
Living with the angels and demons we love with all our hearts
And accepting life's end when death finally starts