your hands
tediously twist
and pull
the rubix cube
not to impress
others
with your
speed of completion
but for your own
satisfaction
it will sit on your side table
for years
the mountain
you will never climb

before
your older brother
gave it to you
he rearranged
the stickers
an impossible puzzle
his prank
forgotten by him
amongst hundreds of others

your arms
scrub painstakingly
to wash away the
dark stain
on your
kitchen floor
which never fails
to catch your gaze

it has become
your routine
to spend an hour
every Sunday
cleaning
the persistent spot

curse it's existence
imagine life
without it
even though
it has become
a safety net for you
the only thing
you can count on
being there for you
when you arrive home

still,
your efforts
never cease

you will never discover
it was a fault
of the painters
a careless flaw
ignored
as they completed
the top coat

it does not matter
how much I try
to heal this
loneliness
or how many
different ways
I try to fill my
emptiness-
it is a bottomless
hole

swallows
everything thrown in
the hunger
is never satisfied
I do not think
it will ever
be full
do not think
I am able to feel whole

but
that doesn't stop me
from trying

body and mind
without soul
I search for her

no trail of breadcrumbs
for me to follow
to find her hiding place

no reply
when I call "marco!"
just empty silence

left me cold
like
being broken up with
by having
your calls and messages ignored
cut off from their life
with no reason or answer
as to
"why?"

I search for her
in my writing
in my hobbies
I know our interests
are the same, at least
I have comfort
in that

hoping
she'll show up
on my doorstep
with a smile and a hug
explaining
she just went
on an unexpected trip
but that
she always planned
on coming back to me

to us

how do I live
without her
I am nothing
without her

calling her phone
to no avail
answering machine
turned off
if I could
leave a message after the tone
I would say:

dear soul,
without you
my life is autumn
and I am the
dead leaf
that has fallen
from the tree of you
the breeze carries me
but I have no home
I will be crushed
by a single step
swept up and
incenerated
when I become
a bother

please come home
please give me
a call
let me know
what I did
what I can
do
to be with you again

until then
I'll be looking for you
around every
street corner
I walk in the
daytime
and in every
shadow
the moon casts
upon my bedroom
while I am
lying awake
wondering
how to do this
without you

I need your attention
when you look away
I go somewhere else
somewhere lifeless and sad
so just keep your eyes
feasted on me
and i'll appear to be
whatever
you want me to seem to be.