Mum, please, I need you to listen.
I'm not trying to make something out of nothing,
I'm just fighting with my mind and I feel lonely.
Mum, please, I do not mean to be a burden
But I'm locked inside my own thoughts
And I can no longer escape,
For you see my depression is controlling me.
Some days it is like a tiny fly
The next it swallows me into its icy shadow.
These days mum are the days I long to die.
You say it's selfish and cowardly to want to die
But please, it's not so much that I want to die,
It's just I don't want to live.
Mum, these days I am held prisoner inside my own bed.
You say I'm just being typically lazy
But I'm not trying to be.
I'm just afraid that if I get up I will drown within everything I long to forget.
Mum, please... Just listen to me.
You say I should get out more, see my friends
So I try like I know I should want to
But I wish for them to cancel these plans
For my anxiety torments my mind
And claws at my chest.
You ask where anxiety... another problem came from?
Yes mum, anxiety teaming up with depression
Increasing my many fears that haunt manipulate my life.
They come along as if to a party
Mum I am that party
Only this a party I do not want to attend.
At the end of the day I am tired of fighting with myself
And once more depression beckons me to my bed
Cradling my spent body until I once again feel numb.
Mum, please this is not to do with you.
You ask me why I'm too busy to stop and enjoy life
But I am never truly busy
I just mean I'm trying to keep distracted
Because I am lonely and feel isolated.
You say you cannot see where this has came from
Well, mum, neither do I!
You always say be more mire positive
Oh how I have tried but am always reminded of things I want to forget.
You've said light a candle to eliminate the dark
But I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm afraid of living!
Maybe this is part of the problem.
Mum, please I'm begging you to listen
I'm so scared that I cannot find my way back out.
You say you don't know what else to do.
Neither do I.
I'm lost and I cannot come back.
Mum, please, I just want you to be there when I need you!

The heat singes my fingers as the strength leaves my legs
The sweetness hits my nose as I blow worry out of my mouth
I think it's hesitation but it's peace that slows down my hand
Peace is the mini smoke stack that churns stress and life to a smiling cough
I'm not clear but I'd rather be blind then look in my minds eye
I like the discord, the order has grown to heavy to handle

i still smoke out of your bowl
i like to pretend i can taste you on it
even though i've cleaned it twice
all the time i get lit
to make my mind feel nice
cuz thoughts of you echo
throughout my whole body
i feel you in my blood stream
it makes me wanna scream
but your magic bowl fixes all

wow
guess i'm relying on you still
gotta get my fill
you've made me so ill
brain cells killed
i don't want to feel.

I wish I could drink my pain away(alcohol)
I wish I could inhale the happiness by smoking this plant (marijuana)
I wish I had a bottle of pills to **** all my pain(painkillers)
I wish I could let you rock my world till it's insane(Amazing *** ~)
I wish I knew who to blame
I keep wishing for the same thing
I thought if I wished and hoped hard enough the pain could just go away(I tried I tried to make it go away)
But honestly everyone should be wishing for a reason for me to stay

Hes the one who keeps my mind up all night,  in snow rain wind and sunshine he's the one by my side.

I can't call him mine but he's the one by my side.

He's the one I stay alive for, he's the one by my side, I can be open about anything with him.

I can't call him mine but he's the one by my side.

He makes me feel special even though I am not, He's the one by my side, he loves me but only as a friend

I can't call him mine but he's the one by my side.

I have writer's block.

Only a few people will understand this.

It feels like your brain was boxed and the words tried to flow out
But it just couldn't.
The words are jumbled so that you can't find the right things to say.
Having writer's block is the worst

You want to write something
But you just can't

You want to write something amazing
But you're trapped.

This is the worst feeling in the world.

I have writer's block.
And I just can't break the block.