Love is graceful this time
It left me marks and bruises
Not from anger but from
Fighting too hard
And from breathing too fast
To get to you and to finally rest
With my face buried in your hands.

I'm feeling under the weather lately
And my body starts to groan
Not like how it ****** under yours
But my cough is starting to sound like your name.

Always on replay
Never reaching the chorus
And I'm gulping down medicines
Instead of your mouth during those cold nights.

And here I am again
Pondering yet knowing why
I always remember you when things go gray
Slowly, slowly breathe and slowly slowly forget.

God bless my soul
When I reach for you
A fruit with the snake
Hissing and enticing me
To take a bite
Taste the sin

It's a lie lived until~
Because you can never lie quietly
Lie keeps on burning
Knocking it's exit
But you, yours
It was like wind
Always there, always cold
How did you live with it
Without breaking a sweat?
How did you live with it
knowing I might shed a tear?

I hope infinity doesn't exist
Because at this rate, I might just be
The lousy continuation of me.
Who needs another sentence
That might never end
When you can end it with a period
And bow gracefully?

But you see, I am a foolish person
Very foolish to stand again
When I can already navigate the mud
With my eyes closed and uncaring heart.
It is indeed a faint world
Faintier than the people with glassy eyes
But with muscles that can store memories and strength.

Here's to the sound of the fan
When everyone's asleep except for my anxiety
And his best friend, obsession.
To the empty glass, old tapes and a cat figurine
I'm nearing my end, so please watch as I go to sleep.

I once flew in the same air
As the one you're swimming.

It always feels like
It's never quite done.

Lying has become my bad habit
A small lie gnawing and growing
Until I can lie without a blink
On how I don't care anymore.

Actually, it's quite helpful
Now moving on is a step away
But then, I'm afraid it'll take its toll on me
Nothing comes for free, this I know.

Maybe if a tornado will come
And destroy all the things I wrecked myself.
And also wipe my memories
Of hands clenched around knives
And a rage so undeniable that it became invisible
To the human eye but there are tremors
Still left and suffered under the blinds.

But I'm not sorry for loving you.

I need a new brand of poetry
Because my love letters
Are starting to sound like a broken tape
Or a slap dash suicide note.

You are the soul behind my every "you"
The silences in between my giggles
The last face I remember before I drift off
I always have a space for you.

But walk your way and create your own murals
Serve your hands and your minds
Breathe all kinds of air, be the eagle that you are
But there's just no putting it gently, I'll always always be here.

Waiting for your feathers to land
Waiting for you to rest your heart
Waiting for your presence to be close to mine
I'll always always be here.

But whether we come to our senses
And admit this
We are wired to want something eternal
If you think that something which will fade in a day or two
Is enough for you then fool, that's what you are.

And it's okay to be a fool. We are all.
It just means that you need education
And practice
And God.

You understand death while you still have life
But not the other way around;

'Twas the end to all days
The moon will cast its light tonight
Tomorrow laughter will resound
Of joys and mocking sadness
But the care has been cast to wind
Upon the abandonment of life
You'd know there's no honor in silence.

Lewis' words are for the uncertain,
Unconvinced and prideful
Indeed, there is no middle ground
To the fight and life
No middle ground left
For your shaking feet
Alas, grovel or crawl
But no middle ground left.

Give me my daily dose of pessimism and grief
To keep me in my guardrail
And into the light
Suffocate me but give me enough warm
To keep my soul burning and craving
And into the light
I shall meet you.

But I just don't call my pain, 'ache'.
I call it like how I call my lover
During midnight when everything is so close
Yet so distant and warm.

I'm wearing you
Right next to my watch
Which stopped ticking months ago.

I understand why sometimes
We feel that someone somewhere owes us happiness
Because we didn't ask to be here.
I didn't ask to be here.

A clenched fist through the sheet
A perverted creaking of the bed
A shudder and a gasp
A stain mixing with sweat.

No pillow talk for now darling
Even midnight is dozing off
But if you shall insist
We can make the first stanza our encore.

Oh love! From you I've learned to love
And to hate so intensely
That it scares me
To breathe. To take in another part of you.

But I also understand. But so fiercely, my love for you.
Oh love, I understand. That no matter how
Perfectly red the rose looks
It can never wish for it's thorns to wither away.

Sometimes
Even my emptiness feels empty

If only you're brave enough
To touch me where it hurts the most
Or too hold me when I flinched
Or when I clenched instead of to uncurl.

I guess we're still too young
Too feel the urgency
Of holding on until it bruises
Too young to feel the cold.

Darling, for now let's just be
A breath away
We're still cowards under the rain
Don't worry, we'll learn after this.

"I knew you never loved me", I said.
He said, "But I would always remember you."

When  I was a tot
Poetry meant rhymes
A voluntary measuring of words
To get A's
But now that my heart has experienced fault
And sorrow
Poetry came to mean
As an entrance
To leave the nagging burden
A healing
To lessen the sobs
But not to **** it.

A desperate confirmation
That this evil is not innate.

And tonight I am not gonna turn off the trickling of the faucet.
I am going to let its sound drive me to sleep.
I am going to ignore the carelessness of my act.
Just for this night, the faucet will cry for me.
Or maybe with me.

In unconsciousness, we find unexpected peace.
And anxiety while we still have it.

There has to be a difference
In order to call another 'being' another.

You don't need to convince me
To believe you
Just make me cry, laugh, think
I think that's one way of living your world.

No symphony is more beautiful than you
Even the green grass outside
Wishes for a wisp of your sunshine
Even Auriga wants you to be her Capella.

But little do you know
That I'll pause my life song
If you'll think my way
Or even take a little sigh.

How far would you go
To save a life hardly your own
Not your own beating
And certainly not your dance

Would you take a leap
A beating or two
A slap in the face
Or take a stand?

And I'm gonna tell you darling
You gotta do all those things
To save yourself
Yes, your life.

Feeling pain is never optional
Like water or tea?
Or juice or coffee?
No. It's shoved down
Down your throat.
Fast and hard.
But the funny thing is
You're thankful afterwards.

Maybe we need another kind of people
The one who can tolerate other soul
The one who can see differently
Yes,  the one who can love differently.

But if you can live with enough
Then why do you need much?

Are a little left over from yesterday.
But not spoiled.

What did you think
When I crossed your sight?
How did you feel?
For me, it was just another wave
Of mountains that I couldn't climb.

But I feel like there's something in me
That's too sunny to be hidden
In my usually depressed personality
And I'd like it to burst

Like happiness
And warm hugs
And kisses and smiles
So bear and be with me.

No. We don't stop until we create bruises
On places that should be sacred and holy.

Despair is my afternoon tea
And sometimes, my lamp in the evening
But if it's this easily explained
Then I wouldn't be this troubled.

My sights can only reach my eyelids
So there's no use climbing up that mountain
When the top is as dull as the plains
And the birds there are as silent as the lamb.

But of course I can hear far beyond that.
It is said that above all those twigs
And cherry flavored paper
There's a hymn that never fades out.

There are a number of things
I want you to know
Or better yet understand
Like how my heart reaches for yours

And only be welcomed by an empty hand
And it's okay. I can deal with the emptiness.
Just not with the coldness
Not from your hand, that is, but from your gaze.

She's that message you stare for too long
Or dismissed as non-existent
That cigarette you consider as the danger
Or sniffed like your life line.
She simply is that
A bringer of smile
Or on bad days, your demon.

I wanted to be a friend who cares
But if abusive and arrogant
Then cautiously and most probably
Not "a lot" anymore

It's useless meddling with things
You can't comprehend
Eternity. Forever. Afterlife.
Just stop it. All we have is uncertainty.
Maybe today is enough. Just today.

Death is not something we experience.
Death is one of some things that ends all experience.
Now, I'm not saying that only death can make you feel numb and distant
What I'm merely saying is that death is more definite.

Two kinds of everything in this city
The one we forget and the one we can't.