Despite my best efforts
I seem to look for her in crowded rooms
I want her to see what I've achieved
I crave knowing she is impressed by me
My eyes are traitorous and always look for her
The only problem with all of these facts
Are the pronouns.

Do not approach me
for the use of my body;
I am more than that.

sharp blades
cut thin ice
I am wrapped in a cocoon
showered in unconditional light

pitch black, led by street lights
I'm interlacing my soul
across the rink of memories
deathly blades below my childish toes

make one false move
and I drown
between the cracking waters
as my mother is pulling me out
blanketing warmth distances me
from the paralysing thought of the world

I think of you
when the water begins
its fall
from the sky.
Of how you flooded
my eyes,
made sure my willing heart
swelled with your words.
I let you take what you wanted,
maybe what you needed
even
and gave you more,
but not enough for you
who wanted less than nothing.

here can lay the power
if you are receptive,
to let you see the world
from a new perspective

it can be the filling
or icing on the cake,
send you off to peaceful sleep
or keep you wide awake

it can liberate your thoughts
from a recess dark and deep,
make a poor man rich
or help a mute to speak

by your side all the time
like a faithful friend
it can stay with you
to the very end

Your mother is a mess.
She drinks until she can't speak
and smokes until she can't breathe.

She leaves voicemails on your phone that she won't remember the next day.
She slurs, "I love you."
"Why won't you call me?"
"I'm doing better now."

I remember it all.
How insecure you are with name-calling.
I slip and say something I regret,
you lash out like a hurt animal.
You were emotionally abused growing up.

So was I.
I am a mess.

I fall too easily.
It's hard not to when you are indecisive.

I don't have a favorite color
Or a favorite flower
Or a favorite number.

I love them all
I love too easily
And I change my mind too much

You're my favorite color right now,
My favorite flower,
My favorite number,
My favorite indecision.

Don't worry, it will change soon.