We stopped talking
I can remember the last text you sent me
The five word text took you too long to write
I don't know when the war had started, peace quickly drained
I swore, you yelled, neither of us really understood what we were saying
At least I hope, my brain is still mixed with fear and grief
I said some really stupid ****
We were just so similar I saw the parts I hated about me in you
I collected dust in my mind, it coated the casket like a sheet
That was our difference, the main thing that set us apart
I hid my insecurities behind lies, burying them until I could forget
You fed them whatever happiness you had left
You were afraid if they left you wouldn't be you anymore
You tried so hard to fight them without killing them
but
They killed you in the end
A tightly wound rope could do what you never could
The thoughts were gone but so were you
I still have that text
Those same words that we told each other time and time again
After every argument
"I'm sorry, I love you"

I keep mixing it all up
Living and being alive, I don't see the difference
They are just two different states of the same thing
Ice is still water and water can still boil
It can turn to steam and be forgotten
Yesterday was once today but unless there is a tragedy it is forgotten
Merged with all the other stories rumbling in your head
Is that what it's like to be alive
To feel like everyday is a new chance
Or is living to be stuck in the past
Not moving on but not forgetting those left behind
What am I supposed to do
Because if being alive is to live only for oneself
I'd rather be dead