"why would you want to marry me, anyhow?"
"so i can kiss you anytime i want."

it's you. it's always been you.

i sleep constantly
i'm usually so tired
i am right now, but

i know if i sleep
i will dream of losing you
and please forgive me

but i don't want to
wake up crying again and
feeling my world end

just look at me now
someone afraid of sleeping
something i once loved

i don't want to ache
and wake up crying your name
because i need rest

i would rather die
than to keep dreaming of that
it hurts way too much

so i stay up and
try to remind myself that
you are here to stay

~ june 15, 2018 ~
the truth... i think so deeply about everything in life, but all that ever comes out of my mouth is something less than.

i woke up crying
i had a dream i lost you
my heart was racing

i thought it was real
woke up to my world ending
i thought i would die

reminding myself
we are okay; we are fine
you are here to stay

in guitar class
holding a guitar in my hands
but my fingers aren't moving
they're not working
i'm trying to play
but i can't
every time i breathe in
a cloud of sadness gets pulled in
and my lungs ache
tears are falling
i can't see the notes
my vision is blurry
why can't i move?

every time i see you or think about you or talk to you, i smile and i can't seem to stop. and i often find myself smiling for no reason, just as i'm doing day to day things. and that reason is you. you make me happy. you light up my life. i don't want to ever lose you.