you were the first-

the first kiss,
silky lips one with each other,
skin to skin,
bone to bone,
my fingers caressing the prized jewel
that is your body,
hands gliding along your waist,
sliding down every curvature and crevice
god gave you.

you were
the first 'i love you',
hair whipping in the wind,
heart beating a mile a minute,
your eyes interlaced w my soul,
gracing my own.

and though it is unholy
to crave the sun
when I am only a star,
I won't repent my sins,
for you are the reason
planets twirl
and I exist.

-i want you to be the last.

{i remember}

She comes to presence
in a great wave of grief
that has no bottom.

{water cannot swim}

Feeling the unbearable
weight of womanhood
tearing me open,
revealing my own sorrows.

{a channel of life}*

To be a gate of love and blood,
the flesh of desire,
bearer of all burdens,

was so traumatic I was reborn
in the body of a man.

my reflection, anatomical inaccuracy reads something like:

fairy dust in a silt layer, bones all shattered at the press of her fingers, and for months I molded a sandcastle around the soft

sinking, drinking ichor from a cocktail glass and dragging nails across my discomfort -

did you see that girl taking a tempest inside herself, to warp her sinew, spreading from this side of the universe to other?

in the lamplight I bit a secret onto the ridge of her spine; *sometimes I sleep near fires hoping my insides become glass