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  Nov 2016 Aspen S
T
The scars will not go away.
They will itch.
Your scars will feel like someone is grinding glass in them.
The numb parts will stay numb.
They hurt to touch.
Shaving will never be the same.
Your fingers won't work properly.
The ones you didn’t take care of get worse. Skin sags.
The scars will not go away.
Deep cuts leak.
First-aid supplies are really expensive.
The scars will not go away.
Kids will ask what happened.
People will stare.
Employers will ask if you’re mentally stable enough to hold a job.
They will get sunburnt, and stand out more.
They define every outfit you choose to wear for the rest of your life.
They are the reason *** with the lights off is the only *** you’ll ever have.
The scars will not go away.
You never get used to seeing them,
But you never forget they are there.
People touch you and you flinch. Don’t touch me there, there, there or there.
You will feel disgusting, disgusting, disgusting for the rest of your life.
The scars do not go away.
They do not go away.
They will not go away.
i've destroyed my body don't do the same thing.
  Nov 2016 Aspen S
AJ
to the self harmer holding the blade, wanting nothing more but for it to kiss flesh, know that you've been days clean and you don't deserve another scar.

to the self harmer digging your nails into your thigh after a fight with your parents, know that this storm will pass.

to the self harmer shaking as you bury countless blades in the dirt, know that you've never been as strong as you are now.

to the self harmer hiding deep under your skin, know that your scars are nothing more than a reminder that you're still alive.

to the self harmer rocking the realest smile you have had in weeks, you made it.
  Nov 2016 Aspen S
miles
hi.
i don't know my name,
i've forgotten her again.
she's a stranger in an alleyway.
she's reaching for me.
and her soft, fragile hands;
with rose fingernails,
wrap around my throat and squeeze.
she's the young girl i used to be.
thick, dark eyelashes and a petite frame.
she wears cherry flavored lip gloss.
her long, blonde hair drowns me.
i cut my way free from the yellow rope.
her locks lay at my feet in chunks.
she wails in despair,
i dig my scissors into her gut,
and she bleeds pepto pink blood.

hi.
i don't know my name,
i've killed her again.
a ghost rises from her corpse.
he's reaching for me.
and his rough, calloused hands;
with scraped knuckles,
strokes my hair and hugs me tight.
he resembles my late father,
dark hair and scruff on his chin.
exhausted, sea-colored eyes.
he washes the blood from my hands.
he wraps the girl in a garbage bag,
douses her in gasoline,
and sets fire to the plastic.

hi.
i don't know my name,
but you can call me miles.
i'm tired of hiding and pretending.
i'm reaching for you,
and my shaking, ***** hands;
with scars and bruises,
i ask you to listen and understand.
i am transgender male.
homemade haircuts,
and thrifted boys' clothes.
i will never be a son to my mother,
and my house will never be a home.
but you all are my family,
and your support will keep me warm.
  Nov 2016 Aspen S
Summer
Take adderall and coffee until i am happy enough to forget
shakey hands
velvet crewnecks
i want to feel hollow.
addrerall, coffee broken dreams
i want to lay down and dissolve into everything,
taking more until i like me
i want everyone to like me.
i see you in the forgotten places,
and my hands shake more-
i miss you and i want to forget,
but now I’m just focused
i wonder how it’d be if you were here,
i want to know if my hands would shake less.
i want to run around the room until i find you,
your hands don’t shake and yr eyes are red
i like pills, they make you feel dead
you tell me to take xanax but my dealer says they’re overrated-
we’re getting
faded faded faded
your face blurs in with the motions.
but i still see you there.
you’re beautiful
even in between the ugly spaces
i reach out to touch you,
limbs shaking and i tell you i love you
eyes wide- drink more coffee, i don’t feel you anywhere
i still see you
i still see you.
but i can’t feel-
can’t feel-
can’t feel.
you make me number than i have ever felt.
more beautiful more poetic more-
and i miss you
and you’re suddenly fading in with everyone else and i can’t even see you anymore
but your voice is a whisper in my ear
i love you-
i ******* love you.
and your voice will forever haunt me.
you are the most beautiful girl in the world
and i am fleeting
i don’t want to touch anybody else
or shake for anybody else
or write poems about anybody else
faded into everything and blend in with the spaces…
i look for you everywhere.
and pills can’t fix it anymore.
i love you
i miss you
i shake for you.
i am toxic
i am cold
but when i think of you…
it fades.
i wonder if you see me when you trip,
am i dripping into your hands?
i am faded away from you too i think
all you see are the ugly parts of me
you’re too beautiful for me or anybody and i think you know it
too beautiful for me to even see or fathom anymore-
i still write love poems for you.
leave them in random spaces where i think i see a part of you
they tore down the old table i used to write you love poems on.
i love you
i love you
I’m sorry-
I’m sorry.
i love you still
  Nov 2016 Aspen S
Summer
You taste like static
and your eyes look like hot coals
Let my body fizz
Ease me into your skin
I want to know what dying is
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