Every time I found a piece of me
You lost a piece of you

and he was like a drug to her
the more she took
the more she got addicted

Stop, I can't do this any more.
I'm walking away, I'm closing the door.
Now, before it gets more out of hand,
Please, try to understand.
I shouldn't know the feel of your kiss.
While she waits for you in ignorant bliss.
I've made up my mind, that's how it should be....
you don't belong to me.

I can no longer stand the guilt that's inside.
I want a love that I don't have to hide.
One day I hope I can love again.
Though my heart is breaking, our love has to end.
I've made the decision, you don't have to agree....
You don't belong to me.

Let's end the charade.
Our dance is over, let's take off our disguise.
You knew from the beginning,
it should come as no surprise.
Don't say she'll never know, in my mind there is no doubt.
No one is that smart, and luck always runs out.
It doesn't matter what you say, the truth is plain to see.
I'll hear no more excuses....you don't belong to me.

We are supposed to be at the hospital. The rest of my family is already there. My wife is yelling up the stairs. What am I doing. What's going on. We have to leave.

But I can't leave. I'm listening to a song. Searching it. I may have already heard it some thousands of times in my life. But this time is different. I'm listening for something. Something I think I’ve heard in it before. Only, at this moment it's kind of a life and death thing.

Forty miles away my sister lies in a Philadelphia hospital bed. Unconscious. Around her several machines sustain her life. My six other sisters and three brothers shuffle around and breathe the rest of the oxygen out of the room.  Right now, they're waiting for me to arrive so that we can end her life together. But I can't do it. I can't get up. I can't even make my legs move. I look down at my feet. My shoes. How do I put them on? At forty-one I'm so ashamed at all that I do not know.

Sitting here, frozen. Looking for answers from a Led Zeppelin song. It's just a reminder of how worthless I've become. Though, the truth is that I've never been good at anything. And this is my dilemma. How do I learn to become the man my family needs me to be, while somehow keeping the important parts of my world the same...as in not losing my sister.

For me, right now, only one thing is true; as long as I sit here, my sister is alive. As soon as I go there, *she dies.

maybe home isn't where the four walls are at
or where your family lives in

maybe it's somewhere you once stayed when the downpour was so hard
and you need to stop by for a while,
nowhere to be found
yet you unconsciously found a comfort instead

but little you did know
that it is geographically located
within you
in your chilling bones
and burning heart.

For now,
it's been waiting for you
to come home...

To the man who never loved me back
I have died over and over
On this canvas to paint you
I commit suicide for you
Every time I create an artwork
So that I could live
But still you cannot love me back

Sometimes I wish
To be emotionally and artistically barren
So I cannot therefore create
I cannot therefore write
I’ll just lay by your side
Dead
Maybe by then you’ll love me back

Your eyes tell me the words you cannot utter
The words you cannot whisper
These are the prayers I cannot answer

I know I am physically and mentally impaired
There are things that I can never give you
But I will never apologize
I will never say sorry to you
Instead,
I will offer you the things that she cannot give you,
The experiences only I can tell you
The pictures only my eyes can show you:
My time
My art
My death
I plead:
Will you now love me back?


I love you more than you love yourself.
I love you so much I forgot how to love myself.
I love you more than I loved myself.
Now, nobody loves me
Not even me
Why can’t you love me back?

Tell me honestly
Am I really hard to love?
Am I asking for too much?
How many more deaths do I have to take?
Tell me.
How can you love me back?

I have died a thousand times
Waiting for you to answer me
I have risen from the dead a thousand times
Still you are still
Still you remain silent
You cannot answer me back
But why can’t you?
Why can’t you love me back?

I am dying again
I thought I am already dead
And you are beyond death
Even if I die a thousand times again
I can never reach your death
For you are dead and blind
You are dead and deaf.
You are not lifeless
But you are dead
I am dead
But I am full of life


I think I’m alive because I love you
But loving you makes me feel dead
You’re the only one I live for
Yet you ****** me over and over again
You always rip me in half
You always break my heart.
You always ****** me
But the sun will always rise
From then I’ll be set free

You always break my heart
But not the soul inside of me
The caterpillar is born to be
A humble butterfly and free

You always break my heart
You always incinerate me
But I always rise like the phoenix
From the ashes I’m set free

You always break my heart
I am a willing martyr.
I am a *******,
You are my sadist.
I love you so much
I don’t care facing death
Again and again
Because you are the reaper of my soul
And I trust you
You take my life away with you
In exchange for the answer I am longing for
But you betray me
Still you cannot love me back

I am now hopeless
Now I am dead and lifeless.
You have lost my soul in space
Where it is impossible to find
For there are millions of souls lost in space: the stars
Crying as they twinkle
Waiting for the same answer
I’m waiting for:
When will you love me back?

Now I am emotionally and artistically barren.
I cannot create anything now
I am turning red and yellow
I am smiling
I am laughing through the pain
Happiness is immobilizing me
Writing this line kills me yet still
I write
For you
Can you now love me back?

I have died a thousand times to live.
You have taught me that
Death is rebirth
You said being dark blue is
Being beautiful
In deep sadness I can **** myself
And from the void I’ll be born again
I followed you
I became dark blue
But still
You never loved me back.

I am tired of being your toy
I am tired of being your doormat
I am tired of pleading
I am tired of being a fool
I thought I was tired of being alone
That’s why I needed your love
But now
All I want is to be alone
Because you’ll never love me back

I am tired of waiting for an answer
I am tired of waiting for your love
I am tired of dying over and over for you
I am tired of asking
Why can’t you love me back?


Now, I am waking up from the dead
Facing the reality:
I loved you,
So much
But you never loved me back.
I still love you so much
But still you cannot love me back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
I murdered myself to be someone you wanted to love
But still you made me feel like I am so hard to love.

I have died a thousand times living for you.
You murdered me to be someone who I am not
And now, I don’t know who I am anymore.

I have died a thousand times living for you.
I am not scared to die again
For I have seen death a million times
But if I will die again
It will be for my own sake
It will be for me
And not for you

I thought I would die without you
But without you,
I felt so much alive
I am better off without you
I would rather be alone forever
And die again and again alone
Than to be with you eternally

I am now tired of wanting you to love me back
I just want my lives back.
You are my death
Yet you are the elixir that revives me
You ****** me over and over again
And you bring me back to life again and again
But now why can’t you give me my life back?

I am tired of loving you now.
I am tired of dying
I am tired of living.
Forget my love for you
I just want my life back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
Now I don’t want to die loving you
Because I know you will not love me back

I have died a thousand times living for you.
Now I just want to live again.
I just want my life back.
Give me my life back.

-from the girl you never saw inside me.

(1,079 words)

I never understood what people meant when they said you could get lost in someone, but I swear
When you looked at me with those kaleidoscope eyes of yours, containing every colour with tunnel vision straight into the faultlines in my soul
I could scarcely remember my own name
And in that moment between breaths
Looking at each other with the quiet suspense
Of a lethal, lingering kiss
I don't think I would've wanted to

I throw angry words around like punches,
Like fiery lightning in crunches of dry cereal and no milk,
I am my own lightning,
I am the icy fire of a dragons hot breath,
I do not fight with fists,
Only narratives and figuratives,
I hesitate when it gets personal,
Oh so personal that my very own words that I conjure up from my wizards hat choke me for days on end without a single reprimand,
Oh how bitter this butter does taste upon my poetic pancake,
When will I get the recipe right and not left,
Left without a decision but to drink orange juice hope so sour yet so sweet,
What comes after hell I ask you?
Certainly not heaven or life of any pleasurable kind,
No, not that pleasurable kind you with your pervy mind,
I see you thinking such things of me as you read my poetry,
What a mad woman this must be,
To utter such words that mean nothing to me,
I am certain I must be hated and disliked by many of whom I adore and cherish,
Oh how I wish this feeling would just perish,
Perish like a mess in the presence of someone with a severe case of ocd,
A case of 12 or 24 either way you get what I mean,
I am such an irritating figure with a sad face of rash doings and thoughts,
Hark,
Hark my words I say for I birth them from my heart's womb.
An anonymous girl ©