Raindrops falling to parched earth
Bringing now growth flowing forth
Jesters brightly dressed dance to the court
As waiting wine brings on the thought
Past echoes with there canyons wide
Divided thoughts they soon take side
As waiting in lifes open wings
The monkey waits and patiently he sings
Never realizing his time is now past
Never to again bring chaos to the pass
Addictions shadow lingers still
Choices now mine for good or ill
Chained and caged in times gone past
Forgotten memories of the kind that last
Fleeting freedoms visions of warm sunrise
Rebuilding worth from times gone by
Relapse options used too many times
Years stretching ahead to realize
Where we can be some years from now
If we but tap lifes higher power
All things now within our grasp
No longer slaves to our wasted past
Bringing only those good things
Forgiving all those broken dreams

(GE2014) (C) Reserved

I’ve a general practitioner, a psychiatrist and a psychologist
(who’s leaving but I’ll panic about that later)

I’m on 4 different psych meds

Adderall, XR 25mg P.O.
(So I can be motivated, focus and concentrate), Daily

Klonopin, 0.5mg P.O.
(For panic attacks, social anxiety, generalized anxiety), As needed

(Translation:Constantly)

Buspirone, 10mg P.O. (For depression and generalized anxiety),
3 times daily – Useless

Remeron, 15mg P.O. (For depression, anxiety and insomnia),
Daily, at night – Only helps you sleep

Even with all that, I can barely get out of bed in the morning,
coffee’s no help

I can’t really sleep much, waking times a night,
sleeping restlessly if at all

Going to class is a nerve wracking nightmare – as is going out –
but I do it anyways

A panic attack surrounded by people is better than
solitary madness and cabin fever

Like a slave, to a handful of bitter little pills just barely keeping you afloat, unable to hack it alone

While everyone else seemingly can push on through life without them

Falling behind, despite the stupid little pills

Watching as the world goes on around you, spinning sickeningly

While you wish desperately to be normal,
with a million colliding thoughts in your head

I told him that my soul was tired
but he didn't understand
How can you explain to someone that your light is dimming?
That the lightbulb is burning out
and the only way to change it is to sleep
is to sleep
or to rip open your chest
with a scream and a knife
and to pull out the monster within
who's reading his book in your light
your precious light
How do you explain this?
and then explain that you can't
You Can't
because he lives
and you can only sleep

we're partners in crime
(if crimes were adventures)
and we were adventurers
(if adventures were conversations)
and we shared discussions
(if discussions were love songs)
and you made me sing them
(if singing was sharing)
and all of your wisdom words and stories
(if lies were true)
and we actually met
(if i wasn't me)
and you weren't you
(if we weren't friends)
we'd be perfect

The times I spent with you,
Are like times spent in magic portals,
Through which I stepped into,
To remove myself from reality,
Like a cellophane tape from paper...

And I have brought that dream
From the other side of the portal into my reality...

This reality unfortunately,
Cannot merge with the existing reality,
And therefore remains hidden from everyone,
With the exception of those,
Close enough to the bubble I have created,

To either silently notice or to be curious....

then
our granny spoke,
manners are the gate
that opens to the kingdom
where, on the chairs, sit
respect and honour.

then
our granny spoke,
manners are the rainbow
that materialises after
the heavenly grace and bliss
shower on our heads.

so we spoke,
manners are our breath,
our each step on the mat,
on the marble, our bridge
where long-lived fame stands.

All across your body,
lines written in rainbow thread.

A heart is only
so much weight, wait...why?

Would they dust your body
for the remnants?

What they have found,
is it hesitant?

Engorged like a hibiscus pistil,
covered in pollen
dripping with dew.

This is no request, but an order:
Extend your tongue
til it pulls with a bit of pain from behind your lower teeth,
open up,
and
prepare
to
swallow.