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The pain of an eternally bleeding heart
leads to wisdom
This intense emotion I feel,
In my dark, sacred space I try to conceal...
Wrecks through my mind at night,
Like some strange infectious blight...

I try to make sense of this pain,
To grasp at something, anything that is sane...
But thoughts just whizz by like a train,
Like an everlasting pinball hitting chains and panes...

No one will ever be able to interpret this complexity,
Not even Google, that ghostly reality that we depend on....
Maybe I've drowned to much in its toxicity,
To realise the joys of my own reality....

But try as I may,
Joy seems to just be another word...
For bliss, happiness or just plain gay,
And all that is far away, emotions not felt in my world...
The Mind spoke to the Soul one day.
"Over all the others, why did we choose this Body? It isn't the easiest, I must say."

The Soul shrugged and replied, "Well, you always liked a challenge at the end of the day."

The Mind snapped back " No, YOU liked the challenge. I just agreed with the one you liked, say what you may."

"NO, it was YOU who did the picking...."

And as they both bickered, the Body did all in its power to betray the rationality of the Mind and the purity of the Soul.
Slipping away from memory,
Of oneself and of others'
If you don't exist in anyone's reality,
Do you actually exist?

I have tasted oblivion,
Enough, enough I say!
That I may be always a tiny speck of at least your imagination,
Every night I pray.
Yesterday I threw myself into danger,
Knowing full well what it would cost;
I cannot say what I felt was pain, disappointment or anger,
But mostly I felt lost.

But yesterday had to happen,
For tomorrow to be different...

Different? Or better?

But yesterday had passed,
And now I stand looking out at tomorrow;
Alas, I didn't think I'd make it thus far,
Guilty in the joy I allowed myself, cause I only felt comfort in sorrow.

The backstage pain is now in the past,
And I can imagine the applause ahead;
But here I stand, the solo cast,
In a production that was (is) meant to be great.

Here I stand...

What happens when there's too  much?
Too much for your mind to handle?
It's all a mess up there,
Everything running faster than they should...

And you, yes you...
Trying to grip the handholds of the slick walls...
Of the well that is your mind...
Of your very consciousness.

Falling, drowning in your overpowering,
Abstractness of your own human mind....

I'll tell you what happens....

This feeling in my chest,
This swelling up,
Needing to breathe more,
Exhaling in staccatoes,
Like the very air I need to digest.

This sweet torture in my head,
This building up,
Of thoughts and memories,
Of wants and needs,
Of sweet touches on bed...

This hollowing of my stomach,
This everlasting hunger,
To drown in caresses and kisses,
This feeling of having known this,
Was not by any form of luck........

Make it go away,
By giving me more,
May I not hunger,
May I not think,
May I not breathe in difficulty,
For nothing is an overdose,
When you're here with me.
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