I left as soon as you entered
You would not care for what I had to say
Leaving was the best option
Sometimes it doesn't matter if you listen
Maybe I don't want to talk
If we could just sit
Still, motionless
Drifting further

I saw you leave
I had no clue why
It was probably my fault
No words needed to be spoken
Your silence cuts me much worse
Those scars you bare
the ones I form
losing you

I don't think you'll miss me
You are so independent
Strength is your middle name
Being smart was never a fear
You are clearly a better person than I
I wish I could hate you
I find it hard to even argue
why I left

You think of me as a saint
I am still collecting my purpose
Formulating words and thoughts are hard
Time and distance are your choice
Why you choose something so barbaric
when it comes time to talk again
will we see each other face to face
What possibility

Good bye
I'm not so sorry about this
I wish things were better
easier to say the least
The best shots were given
and the worst ones taken
I'll see you again
and leave just the same

Good bye for now
I'm don't feel bad
things just didn't workout
If things could change
I hope they do soon
You were a good friend
If I see you again
I'll say hi

the words
that are
never meant
in my
lonely life

a drunkard's best friend
in times of
loneliness
insanity
desperation

but doesn't really
cure any of these
um
feelings

gives you
courage
confidence
to do what your heart
wants when sober
yet kills you
by the minute

2:35 am
i am past the point of sleep deprivation.
all i want is you.
tears well up in my eyes then get absorbed like the oceanic tide.
i wonder how you feel.
some say “he doesn't care”
other say “he wouldn't wan to see you cry”.
what is the truth?
only you can tell me, but since that’s the case, i guess i'll never know.

2:39 am
music plays.
a subtle breeze blows past my window and i don't hear a thing.
i'm finally alone with my thoughts-
something i didn't want.
these aren't even my thoughts anymore since it's just images of the past. flashbacks of us… no words, no noise, just shattered remains of us
scooting through my mind in the early hours.

"TELL ME YOU LOVE ME BABY"

2:44 am
sometimes i can feel your lips on mine,
that's what keeps me awake at night.
the hope that i will be able to experience that again.
our last kiss wasn't an experience, though.
our lips touched but there was no spark.
well in my eyes there was-
but by that time,
yours was long gone.

"SHE COULD BE YOURS FOREVER BUT, BABY, TONIGHT YOU'RE MINE"

2:48 am
i remember the first day we met,
over eight months ago.
my feelings are the exact same- conflicted, puzzled, anxious, lustful.
nothing in particular makes me want you.
its the combination of everything.
every glimpse of who you are and what shaped you to be you
is spectacular.

"JUST LET ME KNOW WUS GOOD"

2:52 am**
a tear shimmies down my cheek onto my neck.
your lips were on my neck not too long ago.
the tickle of the tear is nothing compared to
the rough chin hair and aggressive bites
my neck had received before.
even if my neck didn't like the treatment,
i was fine with it.
i was fine with you.

i realized you didn’t care for me at 1:21 pm on a tuesday afternoon.
i realized that i couldn't change it at 1:22.
by the time 1:24 rolled around, i was in shambles,
completely distraught,
and spiraling into the comfort of the darkness
i called my friend once upon a time.
this darkness has a cunning smile and sharp eyes
that make me feel at home.
the darkness is like being welcomed into your home by the smell of freshly baked cookies
but then quickly noticing that the smell you're smelling isn't cookies,
it's your kitchen up in flames-
there just happened to be cookies in the oven.