this group reminds me of you and only you.
i usually listen to it in the wee hours of the night
when my heart break is so predominant, your voice rings in my ears.
i use the music to drown you out
but instead of washing my senses clean,
it enhances your presence in my head.
i talked to you for the first time in a while today and it was alright.
then when i didn't receive your message,
you had invited me to hang out.
I’m out of town and i miss you and i want you.
even if you don’t give a **** about me,
that's okay.
as long as you pretend to love me, that's enough.
that's awful but that's how it is.
i only want you,
in any form that you present yourself to me.

What happened to us not judging one another and being open and able to share anything at any time?
just tell me...
when?
when?
when?
Tell me how long until one of us sees the light?
or am i just stuck in the dark?
When will I be enough for you?
All I needed was love and appreciation.
I needed to know that everything I did to keep you in my arms
was enough
because you were all that mattered to me.
What happened to us texting each other all night long
and sharing deep dark secrets at 3 in the morning?
What happened to us sneaking around with one another
so our parents didn't catch us in the act?
When will I matter to you as much as you matter to me?
When will I be enough?
When did I become to weak to keep you?
please
Bring me towards the light.
Just let me know.

We're not speaking.
You've got a girlfriend,
my heart is broken.
I've cried myself to sleep...
I'll continue to hide in the shadows until
it is my time.
I have unfollowed you,
so I don't hurt everyday
when I see you two together.
"Alanna, just go out and enjoy the weather."
But sadly, it's hard to feel the breeze when
my skin is numb.
I'm frozen,
shattered,
raw.
I may be dumb,
but that's why I stay.
Loving you just feels right
and wrong.
All I am sure about is how you make me feel and
for me,
that's all that matters...

Count the times you cut my heart.
You watched me bleed,
I sparked a port.
Your words caress my face.
Remember when we were just friends?
Rondevous and danger,
what a mix.
Pour me up a little drink,
let me smoke this spliff.
When it was just me and you,
our minds could coexist.
Now that there is like three or four,
I always feel so sick.
Let me love the way you are,
the way you wanna be.
Can I just take care of you?
Let's travel from nation to nation and see what we see.
Hold me inside your world
and let me kiss your neck.
We'll all live happily,
if you just let me in.

When you said such insightful things,
things that make me think and stop and be,
you have me hooked.
When we can stay up until 5 in the morning
and talk about the universe
and aliens and death,
as well as weather patterns and ways we can uncorrupt our nation,
and not be bored,
and not have one second of unfilled silence,
that's the day
I will fall in love.
Argue with my theories and be honest and accept when I tell the truth and know when it's all a bluff.
I don't need to be married to my best friend,
but I need to marry someone that loves me for me.
Someone who can expand my miniscule mind.
Someone who can accept that I am, in fact, insane.
Say things so profound, I have to rethink all that I have thought before.
And when I don't understand or believe in what you do,
explain
or don't,
but be okay with the difference of opinions and theories we will have.
We are not all the same and
despite all the disputes and opinions that may create barriers between us,
we love each other and
we will even through disagreements and rants and assumptions.
I promise to always be willing
to hear out things I may not like
and some things may be false.
There may be personality flaws,
but you will have your way.
I'll see more than your brown,
seemingly soulless, eyes,
because your soul is so stunning.
I have no choice but to see who you really are during our glimpses throughout the day.
When you fall asleep on the couch,
while watching documentaries,
I won't make you come to bed.
I'll bring you a blanket,
or better yet,
I'll cuddle up on the couch next to you.
I can't promise that there won't be a dull moment,
because they do happen,
but I can promise to sing in the kitchen while making dinner and I can promise to dance really badly while I get dressed in the morning,
and I definitely promise I will always play music loud enough the neighbors will hear.
I can't promise that everyday will be I will be the best, but
I can say that sometimes I will be the bigger person
and apologize when I was clearly right.
I vow to love you forever,
even after tragedies and fights and hard times.
And all that I ask, in return is that
you do the same for me.

hold me tight for one last night.
tell me everything will be alright.
when you said, "I love you,"
it wasn't to me- like i had hoped.
It was to her.
My heart was broken and shattered and it hurt me to breathe for a while and it still hurts sometimes but my breathing has gotten better and
you are not mine.
when you come near, i wheeze and huff and puff and sigh.
You have hurt my heart,
i'll just get high
and burn these thoughts away.
when you make me sad and grey,
i fiend for something to make me sane.
illegal things fill my craving
but they'll never bring me a happy ending.
i will cry myself to death.

I know you're hurting, sweetie, and it's breaking my heart. I keep seeing all these horrible things in my sleep and it's scaring me.
I want to tell you so much, but I'm afraid I'll hurt you again - and I cannot do that.

I wanted to **** myself, and I don't know how I'll tell anyone that, let alone my best friend. I prayed for the end; I knew how I was going to do it: and then an angel showed up.

There are moments when it feels like it's better, but sometimes, they hurt the most, because they are so fleeting.
I don't know if it'll ever get better, darling, but sleep tight, you hear?
Sleep...

Don't you go worrying about me, I'll be fine. It's probably just a phase. I'll be fine in a few weeks, or a month, or a year.
Chin up, darling, you're doing great.