478 · Mar 27
27th
Lilli Blakk Mar 27

It hurts
The soft hands
Fingered. Snorted. Kissed.
The mouldy bread on the floor of her car
“Just breathe”

And let me know when you are back.
I’m back!

Oh, hey!
I wanted to go outside but

Frustration,
You should’ve come.
One shoe
One sock
Put it in the other room so I can’t see
“I think it should be there”

I don’t.
I know and I don’t.
Just a dress rehearsal
With his voice - not the body.
Just another rehearsal with him
The Math of Time.

It’s a blue-ish, purple-ish thing.

Fuck
I hate today
I know.

And I don’t.

"Sorry, I changed my mind"
337 · Mar 19
J, The Experiment
Lilli Blakk Mar 19

The cat flap.
Dirty dishes.
Petrol hands.
The taste of tongue.
“I want you to see me drunk”
Lamplight.
Gagged.
Her favourite colour was yellow.
You sound like rain.
I can tell when you are looking at me.
December.
High trees.
The bird mouth.
Advertise me: I pretend to pretend.

I don't dream.
Pretend.
On a scale of 0 to now -
Kisses.
“Where are you?”
I'll hold you.
The sound of rain does not feel cold.
Bone.
A fire extinguisher under water.
Probably, nobody does.
Arms.
“I hope so”
Blue universes
Blue heads
“Ok”

No, you're not.
Blankets and he is asleep.

I forgot what you wanted me to know.
“Ok”

Where they hide the grizzly bears.
Blindfolded.
As close as I can get.
I would understand you better.
I know, I wouldn't be here if I liked it

“Ok”
Go
Go
Go
“Go”

"I'm not interested in control"
#j
286 · Mar 18
Bone
Lilli Blakk Mar 18

My head on a bony shoulder
All joints and points and edges,
I'm only half interested in the way this feels
The mind is even fresher, I can smell what you're thinking
It smells like meat
Like boy, like fire, like chimney, like dirty music, censorship, like man.

Still, as I look up at you
I can only taste the trampoline my heart bounces on
Babe, what is flying when you are a child?
They tell me falling is even worse.
These days, I wear my running shoes when I stand in love
Did you know that, bony shoulder boy?

I suppose you'd never ask.
Too busy paving highways in your mind, silly boy
I've made my way through gravel, still embedded in each hand - see?
A brain with pathways and sidewalks is too glamorous for me
See your arms gloved in tar
See the sweat of knowledge piling pillars
Who can touch you without something sticking?
Tongue to the trampoline type friction
Who can understand you, boy? Highways crossing over like veins
You are all the trains I'm running late for.
I wish I could ask you where you would go
if I was going there with you.

You've made it clear you love travelers
And I've made it clear I love bony shoulders and boys in flames
We are neither of all these things.
Like we are of water but not of rain
I've got my running shoes on, and you've got your mechanics outstretched.
Look down at me again, like you did when I asked you if this was okay.

"What is my body?
Bone"
#j
151 · May 6
Just Noise
Lilli Blakk May 6

"Want/need/feel/blah"

But our bodies makes noises when we are not around
Are mistranslated
       misunderstood
       misused
       mistreated
Crack of the arctic knuckles crack

-The whip on the horse to make it go faster
-The egg on the bowl to keep your hands clean
-The dawn that splices through skinny windows crack

Blue
I have noticed our Shadows
How they snap on the sidewalk
Like high-heeled claps and click

Went my back when I stretched
And I remember when this first started
And I asked if I could lean on your shoulder sweet spot
And I did for a while
And resting next to your throat was noisy
And we don't do that anymore
And I don't do that anymore

And
There you go, that familiar sound
(that same old sigh, that ticklish taunt, that numb noise - croaky crack)
You would think "Anymore"
Is a blah word
Because that is what my feet said

Blue
You are not around anymore
Our bodies aren't on speaking terms.

(that same old sigh, that ticklish taunt, that numb noise - croaky crack)
136 · Jun 19
Untitled
Lilli Blakk Jun 19

Expectation
Behind your back

Look up at my sculptor hands
These safety blizzards
Concrete vien
The glass train track

Don't look at me, Hunger
You are an empty stomach
Skin contrasts sky
Goodbye contrasts stay
And I think it's easy
When I hurt you

My grin leaves you with nothing

Romantic crucifixion

Sunday Is God's Day
Lilli Blakk Apr 21

I want to create
I want to create
But I don't need to
Not right now

I want to create
Blue
Just cause it smells like you
Just because that's what we agreed you were

I want to create
And I've sat in our conversations
Green
Purple
Like I sat in her mouth

I wanna create like that
My fingers (talons) toying with her tongue
I'm telling her to talk
I want the sensation of talking
T T T T Talking, Telling
Mechanics of T T T T Telling
My fingers (roots)
I wanna create like that

And now
Blue
I think of my fat fingers (snakes) inside of you
I want to create
I want to create you
Green
Purple
I'm telling you to talk - right now

I know what to do.

I felt like I needed to write a new poem, so I started writing.
But this poem became about something very old, I don't think I've created anything new here.
114 · Mar 24
What Is Mine And For Me
Lilli Blakk Mar 24

The quiet teeth
Naked breath
Your thigh-high pretend
And make up okay
OK

Rooms and cars
Driveways and homes
Highways and phones
"You've never gone this fast"
You and your undressed sigh

Goodbyes are said while the windows are down
Wind your helmets down
And don't feel bad -
I gave them to you for You

I have
Missed
This

Fucking 2am
Incorrect again
"I'm not coming to you for brakes"
I forget
Speed is safe -
When it's sharp and wet
Your bare feet trust
We have only ever been going in circles

"Why are you here then?"
I can't sleep.

"You haven't seen the way I get sometimes"
"Show me"
#j
96 · Apr 4
C, The Far Away
Lilli Blakk Apr 4

Now, everything seems slow,
Dancing out of time - type slow.
You stopped replying.

"My email inbox is always open to you"
I know, and I thank you
#c
Lilli Blakk Jul 5

Find me.
Callouses bubble born of survival
Barefooted, bare-backed branding
It's psycho-tribal.

It's in the bible.
Something on makeshift witchcraft
An (in)impatient scripture draft
Find me.

All of us, answers for anatomy.
Grey slate, tabula. And. scar tissue tough
Illness or just ill-wish is brainstem spinal
Callouses bubble born of survival.  

Instinctive. Normal.
What we learned when the books were burned  
Cave paintings made in the padded cage
Barefooted bare backed branding.

Now, make it gentle.
Through looking glass, exhausted paragraphs
Be blind to the bodies and dance
It's psycho-tribal.

They never were very nice to us back then
90 · May 29
2
Lilli Blakk May 29
2

BLOW
But the second time it comes undone
Redundancy and cardboard boxes under the Christmas tree
Fucking the professor - "Fun fact: by the time you turn 20, half of your taste buds have
Died"
Holly has tried to die while keeping her memory intact
She won't want to forget this
Fuck the twine, slip knots slip
-Not in the good way-
Her father said he loved her not in the good way
The bongos are too loud for this place and they aren't instruments
Skin wrapped over emptiness
His Catholic echo
Georgia watches him flap up to the podium,

TAKE A PICTURE OF MY GOSPEL GUT
I HAVE DIGESTED MY DESIRE
Desire: verb, derived from the root word 'virgin'
We have several walls between us, baby
Tell me all your passwords.

Tabs under the tongue, Joey can't taste her iris and how she constricts
Hurting is a good sign, sin, sigh
You will never know how to get inside.

Bird-shit on your shoulder waiting at the alter, Holly is late and the clock is expanding inside of her throat
Deep, suicidal
Clean your clothes, wipe off your cellular corpses flaking like funeral snow
Joey, baby, tell her you cannot taste her entrances
Tell her she does not remind you of ash and acid
Tell her you have not been licking your lips ever since she gave birth to you

The middle child and you have never believed in God.

"Sine"

I once titled this poem A Response Or Reply
Lilli Blakk May 25

I can't wait for you to see me like this.
Me like this.
Wait to see.
I can't wait for you to see like this.
Wait to see me.
Wait for you to see.
- I can't like this.
I can't see.  
I can't see like this.

I can't wait for you.

C
Lilli Blakk Jun 17

But I lied.                            They don't.
Her hands are very small,
So small as to grasp a thousand
TINY WORLDS

While mine are too big,
So big as to grow myself into this singular lonely
DEMANDING one

TOGETHER
Sometimes my fingers slip through and
The too-fast-cars
Chasing the politics
Swaddling the wet rashed babies
Birthed from the awkward sex
The tongue-tied trying
Fall into CONSTRUCTION gaps

We didn't plan our fingerprints.
But what a stupid thing to say.

I was little when I used big words

— The End —