I want to create
I want to create
But I don't need to
Not right now

I want to create
Blue
Just cause it smells like you
Just because that's what we agreed you were

I want to create
And I've sat in our conversations
Green
Purple
Like I sat in her mouth

I wanna create like that
My fingers (talons) toying with her tongue
I'm telling her to talk
I want the sensation of talking
T T T T Talking, Telling
Mechanics of T T T T Telling
My fingers (roots)
I wanna create like that

And now
Blue
I think of my fat fingers (snakes) inside of you
I want to create
I want to create you
Green
Purple
I'm telling you to talk - right now

I know what to do.

I felt like I needed to write a new poem, so I started writing.
But this poem became about something very old, I don't think I've created anything new here.
Lilli Blakk Apr 4

Now, everything seems slow,
Dancing out of time - type slow.
You stopped replying.

"My email inbox is always open to you"
I know, and I thank you
#c
Lilli Blakk Mar 27

It hurts
The soft hands
Fingered. Snorted. Kissed.
The mouldy bread on the floor of her car
“Just breathe”

And let me know when you are back.
I’m back!

Oh, hey!
I wanted to go outside but

Frustration,
You should’ve come.
One shoe
One sock
Put it in the other room so I can’t see
“I think it should be there”

I don’t.
I know and I don’t.
Just a dress rehearsal
With his voice - not the body.
Just another rehearsal with him
The Math of Time.

It’s a blue-ish, purple-ish thing.

Fuck
I hate today
I know.

And I don’t.

"Sorry, I changed my mind"
Lilli Blakk Mar 24

The quiet teeth
Naked breath
Your thigh-high pretend
And make up okay
OK

Rooms and cars
Driveways and homes
Highways and phones
"You've never gone this fast"
You and your undressed sigh.

Goodbyes are said while the windows are down
Wind your helmets down
And don't feel bad -
I gave them to you for You

I have
Missed
This

Fucking 2am
Incorrect again
"I'm not coming to you for brakes"
I forget
Speed is safe -
When it's sharp and wet.
Your bare feet trust
We have only ever been going in circles.

"Why are you here then?"
I can't sleep.

"You haven't seen the way I get sometimes"
"Show me"
#j
Lilli Blakk Mar 19

The cat flap.
Dirty dishes.
Petrol hands.
The taste of tongue.
“I want you to see me drunk”
Lamplight.
Gagged.
Her favourite colour was yellow.
You sound like rain.
I can tell when you are looking at me.
December.
High trees.
The bird mouth.
Advertise me: I pretend to pretend.

I don't dream.
Pretend.
On a scale of 0 to now -
Kisses.
“Where are you?”
I'll hold you.
The sound of rain does not feel cold.
Bone.
A fire extinguisher under water.
Probably, nobody does.
Arms.
“I hope so”
Blue universes
Blue heads
“Ok”

No, you're not.
Blankets and he is asleep.

I forgot what you wanted me to know.
“Ok”

Where they hide the grizzly bears.
Blindfolded.
As close as I can get.
I would understand you better.
I know, I wouldn't be here if I liked it

“Ok”
Go
Go
Go
“Go”

"I'm not interested in control"
#j
Lilli Blakk Mar 18

My head on a bony shoulder
All joints and points and edges,
I'm only half interested in the way this feels
The mind is even fresher, I can smell what you're thinking
It smells like meat
Like boy, like fire, like chimney, like dirty music, censorship, like man.

Still, as I look up at you
I can only taste the trampoline my heart bounces on
Babe, what is flying when you are a child?
They tell me falling is even worse.
These days, I wear my running shoes when I stand in love
Did you know that, bony shoulder boy?

I suppose you'd never ask.
Too busy paving highways in your mind, silly boy
I've made my way through gravel, still embedded in each hand - see?
A brain with pathways and sidewalks is too glamorous for me
See your arms gloved in tar
See the sweat of knowledge piling pillars
Who can touch you without something sticking?
Tongue to the trampoline type friction
Who can understand you, boy? Highways crossing over like veins
You are all the trains I'm running late for.
I wish I could ask you where you would go
if I was going there with you.

You've made it clear you love travelers
And I've made it clear I love bony shoulders and boys in flames
We are neither of all these things.
Like we are of water but not of rain
I've got my running shoes on, and you've got your mechanics outstretched.
Look down at me again, like you did when I asked you if this was okay.

"What is my body?
Bone"
#j

— The End —

 
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