it hurt when you tried to leave my life,
but make me stay in yours.
it hurt, when you looked at me,
but bit back the words that were suffocating you,
constricting your throat,
dying to rise to the surface
like an anaconda,
slowly but surely tightening its grip on it’s prey, squeezing the life out a being,
silencing your deepest convictions.
i watched in silence, hoping, praying, for the satisfaction of your words, strung simply by the syllables and sounds of this human constructed language.
but, what hurt even more, was knowing what you had to say,
feeling it,
but STILL,
remaining in silence.
it hurt when i couldn’t be the one to help you, or even more, help you help yourself.
it hurt when your hurt,
hurt me.
when it reflected MY own pain,
when it wounded MY own ego, shattering it once again,
from all the time and effort invested in you.
but this was a different type of hurt.
because you didn’t hurt me. not actually.
I hurt myself.
I hurt myself when i unknowingly stripped my essence of it’s beauty and elegance,
by allowing, yet again,
another fail at “love” to define my being.
I hurt myself when i gave away my power to yet again,
another trial, which ultimately,
does not matter.
so i thank you.
i don’t thank you directly,
but i thank the you from which your actions derive.
i thank the experience, and the feelings in which i felt,
even if they were only negative.
i’ll always be thankful,
because without you,
i wouldn’t have realized that,
i am love.
my sole existence, my very being,
is love.
and at the core, so are you.
because we are one.
and if i am love,
so are you,
and it’s just a matter of time before you realize it too.
-v.la