everyone's at war
with different things,
with each other,
and with themselves

nations are at war
our families, at war
our friends, at war
we are at war

but the hardest
war of them all
is the war between
the mind and the heart.

I fell in love with the mornings
and waking up to breakfasts in bed
drinking coffee only you would know how to make

I fell in love with noon
and the lunches we had together
talking about the latest news over takeout

I fell in love with the afternoons
and the times we spent reading on the couch
eating every word interrupted by coffee stains

I fell in love with the nights
and our stupid little adventures
driving aimlessly and getting lost on the highway

I fell in love with the midnights
and talking to you about anything and everything
watching you stare at my mouth listening to every word

I fell in love with the moments
and everything in between the beginning and the end
wishing I could still spend them with you

I fell in love with the sound of your voice
and the feel of your existence
but I am not in love with you.

I don’t want to be the girl of your dreams. I don’t want you to put me on a pedestal because we all know pedestals crumble and break under pressure. I don’t want you to think of me as someone who’s out of your league. I don’t want to be the girl you secretly admire when you can’t muster enough courage to say it out loud. I don’t want you to think of me as the one who got away when in the first place, you never got a hold of me. I’m not going anywhere and this is going nowhere. I just want to be the girl you think of years from now when your hair is already gray, when your eyes are tired and you’re stirring your morning coffee, thinking that you should’ve poured less creamer in order to resemble my dark brown eyes.