So paralyzed by my own self hatred
I can't even feel the bugs crawling across my skin
I want them to eat me alive so I become one with the earth,
Because I don't belong here as a person

I heard the train, and I ran.
Desperate to make it to the tracks before it passed.
Is there a way to pass this as an accident?
I'm desperate to die as the positive, loving person people think I am.
And die to make up for the mistakes I've made and people I've hurt.
Here I am, I hear it near.
I'm gripped by fear that someone will figure out it was self inflicted.
It passes and I break.
So ashamed of who I am, with the knowledge that only I can change it.
And I gave up on myself years ago.
Never really gave it 100%
I regret it now, as I carry myself back to the world.
A cloud over my head.
I will smile as people greet me and compliment me.
But I am a tortured devil that one day, won't be scared of being viewed as a coward, and I will run into the train with a heart finally full of happiness.

I learned to live loosely, lovingly and loudly. Loving every loose moment of every loud life living around me.
Leaving light lingering on grounds and sky like leaves leaving in the fall I left before life decided to leave me.
I left to look for a love to lean on for life, and for myself to loan a moment to live for.
To listen, to long for, just long enough to look like a sky-lit sunbeam.
The loquacious levity of the life lasting around me lived lividly, keeping its eyes open, looking for lucidity.

The people attend funerals.
They visit the mausoleums.
They frequently go there
With flowers in their strong hands.

Who hears the cry of the beleagured?
Who wipe tears from the soft cheeks?
Who look into the broken lives?
Who prepare the path for walking?

There has been a routine,
A habit with black gowns since long.
Who will erase the word War
From the walls of their minds?

We are the might.
We must take arms against injustice.
We must ride courage and bravery
And **** the devils of thoughts.

They think they see through the prison that they call home
I see them all around me
Their Eyes with tinted seals
A one way mirror.
Unescapable, improbable, impossible.
How they think they can live
In this cage
Nothing but an observer
Of a wild illusion
Life is what holds them
Rooted to a false reality.
But true freedom will never begin
Until someone sets them free.