isolation
deprivation
lost sense of self

bored and lonely
stressed and depressed
shell of my former self

asocial
introverted
no drive for life

faking elated
going through the motions
lost in this world, so cold

hate myself
hate others
i can't do this anymore

craving attention
fearful of being seen
God surely looks ashamedly onto me

wishing I was dead
praying for death
this ****** poem needs to end

The smell of a cheap, sweet cigar mixed with the subtle staleness of his day-old Axe

The familiar comfort of being around him met with this unexplainable underlying fear

Unpredictably exciting,
Repetitively terrifying

My intuition, long ignored;
My heart, dreaming, unable to bear the reality of this ongoing nightmare

Pleading with him not to leave,
Just a few more minutes, please

The sternness of his voice,
My cue to silence

“goodb-“ cut off as he closes the passenger door, angrily at my “never-ending defiance”

He walks away, but then looks back;
nothing more to it than that

Stomachaches and fever dreams,
Memories that never flee

Years may pass,
But the heartache stays

It’s always those we wish to forget the most who never seem to fade away

Uptight,
Never quite right

Blame the “timing”
Despite countless years “trying”

Futile and undermining;
You’re forever chasing whatever it is you find most mesmerizing.

You’re done now with the tantalizing;
I’ve surpassed my prime,
Disposable-
You’re onto the next.

The latest shiny thing -
The “cool girl” trope;
Some pretty face for you to spit on,
Never for her to provoke.

Frail inside,
Your pitiful mind…

So the next one, just like the last:
A temporary home for you to impose your wrath.
Suffering eternally inside, running from your past;
Continually searching for something that will never be within your grasp.

absent from my life,
but dancing forever in my mind.

preserved perfectly:
idealized and beautified,
immortal, god-like.

wanting to let go,
yet holding on too tight.

memories, exaggerated:
they haunt me,
notoriously unreliable.

close my eyes;
take me back in time…
before I was bloodied by his arrow.

Life moves on
Love is poison
And the world doesn’t give a **** about your broken heart

Keep me around for the rainy days;
When all the others go away,
But you want to stay outside to play

In the midst of the storm, I join you, every time
Gray skies and muddy puddles

We jump in the mud and laugh, Like children,
Oblivious to the mess we’re making,
Unable to see past..

Sometimes I let myself forget…
I just pretend
Close my eyes so I don’t have to watch the sun rise.

Begging you to stay,
But it’s useless
You always leave me the same lonely way

Grab you and trap you so you can’t leave
Drag me into the mud,
Yet you always slip from my reach

With the brightness of the sky,
I know it’s my time

My prime, surpassed;
So I wait until the next storm
For you to come back

Behind these bars,
Isolated and dark

Mundane, dull, and gray
You took all of the color away

Your last goodbye,
Words still echoing inside

Dispose of me when I’ve surpassed my prime,
Expired, as has our cyclic high

Filler no more;
sole utility I served

Lying on the concrete,
Hardened and cold

Descended to this desolate place-
Chasing the mirage you portray

But it’s all just fine,
Everything’s okay,
I’m numb to climate of this bitter terrain

I’ve been here before,
Same sentence; same crime
Same demon every ******* time

A broken heart is a prison,
Life sentence till death

Liberation, a joke;
salvation, my only hope