All I hear from the outside are muffled sounds. There are cars honking and people chatting but I am too focused with the idea of you being here, of you making sounds while you play with your cat. So, let me rephrase that. I hear everything that’s happening outside but I choose to hear you in my mind.

Everything is foggy but I am not anywhere near dizzy. Everything is foggy. I can’t remember the place where I come from before all these. Everything is crumpled into a piece of paper where I let my heart bled before you happened to me. Everything seems to be scary with the loud people and beeps of vehicles. I won’t ever take on risking my life for anything except here, in this place where you and I exist. Maybe from now on I will be.

This place must be big to fit the furniture and stuff you have but with you and I inside it just seems to shrink into a size of a doll house. It couldn’t contain what we feel that I can hear your heart beating from a meter. I will just try my best to pretend I am not staring at you with my peripheral vision. I will pretend that I can’t see you gazing at me with those mellow-painted eyes. I will pretend that you can’t hear my heart beating all for you. If I surrender, and I submit, we could both get into trouble.

Don’t laugh. I know we both can see everything from here. The curtains are closed but we have eyes to see beyond. That’s how we found each other’s arms. That’s how we ended up here. I repeat. Don’t laugh for the curtains may be closed but we both know we have audiences waiting for us to end this show.

For now, you may laugh. We both may laugh with sugar on our tongues and words as our cape. I have just one last request of you. May you never get tired of seeing my light that you’ll choose to open the curtains and I promise you. I’ll never dim this light to give to another except you.

lost souls
and broken bones
couldn't go
without your toes

lost hearts
fragments apart
couldn't beat still
with you across

lost mind
and surreal dreams
crawling back
to where you are

i chose you
when you let go
and i held tighter
to how we were

you touched my palm with your fingertips
brushing your fingerprints along the lines of my future
making sure you would be there

you held out your hand to hold mine
but you held me with the tips of your fingers
and i wonder how you do it

because i couldnt even grasp for somebody's fingers
without using my palms
and i wonder how you do it

then i saw you held her hand with your palms touching
making sure your futures were aligned
brushing lines parallel to each other

i learned that we were perpendicular
meant to meet and meant to go separate ways
we were both lines

and she was your space

what's important
don't get to be written
they remain
inside the hands and veins
locked up tightly
flowing through the body

what's not
get to be recorded
like the numbers and days
of how this started and ended
with unnecessary details
from one generation to the next

notice how i didn't write your name?

the air was dry
as the land under these soles
and my hair was dry
as my head under this soul

the wind blew
drifting apart
turning into different directions
and i felt you everywhere

you were on my neck
calculating every line
that had formed
for i had looked down most of the time
and you told me to look up from that moment on

then i felt you on my face
tracing every pores that were open
closing them just like my eyes
for you made them cry while letting them dry

and i breathed you in
going through my lungs
knowing the blood that once picked you up
to put you in my heart

and there was stillness
no movement was made
ive kept you in my heart
and ive not breathed since then

as you blew across my face
through my soul and out my name
we were standing still
as the air from that day
you took off and did not stay

ive not breathed since then

How would you describe to your child
the difference of papers and pages
That one is used for numbers
and one is for letters

Give her a book instead

Let her open these pages, these papers
Let her discover that they are similar
and different in both ways

You use the other one for your eyes
and the other one for your hands

Let her feel every page
Let her see every paper
But let her see every page
and feel every paper

Let her wonder with curiosity
that she'd like to get more books
just to know their similarities and differences
Let these be her defenses
from boys who walk up to her

Let her know there are similarities and differences
to a boy and a man

That you use one for your eyes
and one for your hands
how you look for a boy
and touch a man
How you get swerved by his looks
and how you get moved by his actions
How one uses you for his own eyes
just to look at everyday
for display
for everybody to see that he got this kind of girl
with the sun in her eyes and moon in her mouth

And how one not uses you
but walks with you
and treats you like you're no ordinary girl
cause you're a woman
with flowers in her hair that grow overnight
and roads on her feet that take you everywhere

Remember these things

And let her feel every man
and see every boy
but let her see every man
and feel every boy

Remember all these things
there are similarities and differences

How one gives you numbers
to spend on material things
but never makes you happy

And how one gives you letters
combined to form words
He'll give them out to you
handed out with gift wrap on it

And how these numbers
provide needs for your body
and how these letters
give out needs for your soul

Remember these things

Like how I'm writing this out
with pages and papers
but this wouldn't have been done
without the pen above
and hands that wrote
these numbers of letters

So, honey
you may not need pages or papers
but you'll need a tongue and a soul
to speak this out to your child
who's still confused of how
pages and papers
come with similarities and differences
and soon she'll grow up
and know that even you, yourself
don't know how it came to be like this

So, you'll pick up a book
you'll feel its pages and papers
you'll see its papers and pages

with a pen in your hand

I was the dry land in need of your drops. The dark clouds above had my faith that sooner you'd be in my reach. As I felt the heavy blows of the wind, whispering to my ear that you'd be with me at that moment, I saw you fell from above.

I thought it was something you and I only knew of. It was something only the land and rain could understand. You were nothing but raindrops nourishing the dry land until you've poured hard devastating it. Then, you left without a word.

The sun rose then I remembered, nothing ever quite really touches.