I am a Matryoshka doll.
I carry many different versions
of myself around,
each making appearances
now and then.
I don’t even realize when I transform
until I begin to avoid things
to protect whichever stage I’m in.
Right now I am big, good at deflecting and
putting on a smile with
my mascara.
The small one that’s weaker;
scared
is
deep inside.
Safe.

you don't exist when
my eyes are open
you don't exist when
my blood's not poisoned
when my soul's at peace
when my gut is full
and when I'm in company

So you exist most of the time
dear muse

things can be different
from different point of views.
the same sceneries can be dull
or they can be filled with hues.

the flickering flame can burn
or the flame can be warm.
the water can quench thirst
or the water can bring storm.

we don't have to think alike,
we don't have to be the same.
for some people my words could mean
and for some they could be lame.

Sometimes I wish I was born as a boy
my late-night strolls wouldn't be seen as coy.
Sometimes I wish I was born as a boy
at least I wouldn't be reduced to a mere toy.

Sometimes I wish wasn't born as a female
my life story would have been a tellable tale.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't born as a female
my journey wouldn't have been filled with storms and hail.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't born at all
coz there nothing I hate more than being a life-size doll.