the tea is cold
my head is filled with mold
unfold stories that remain unsold
how can I be so bold
one might ask
I'll leave you with this
if I die tomorrow
I might never get the chance
to sing my song
instead of humming along
for so long I was just floating along
filling the void
devoid of all joy
I had to toy
with the idea
that my head remained unclear
tunnel vision
review mirror
not that I cling to all I hold dear
fear has its grip around my neck
I admit, it's hard to forget
a feeling that never left
a battle that still rages on
and on and on and on
repetitive thoughts loud as beating drums
but lacking the passion
contemplating cashin' in
cause I don't know where to begin
I once lived in sin
I still do
but because of you I made myself new
or so I thought I did
in the sense that I no longer do what isn't best
morally
for those supporting me
ironically
the only thing that holds me back is me
when I think back to being a kid
never could I have imagined this
a prisoner of war
and what for
there is so much more
I found a reason to stay and fight
I just wish I could fight for myself
I wish I could escape myself
self created hell
ah
to be granted a wish
such sweet bliss
or so it would seem
I no longer want to dream of dreams
but do
take a chance and pursue
change my perspective
seek something new
all old routes are through
I'm finished yet renewed
on the path to better views
painting the picture with brighter hues
always preaching it starts with you
this time I won't label it true
because what is
is
is
keep an eye out for my accomplishments

I wish could easily make people understand that it’s not them, it’s me. When I don’t reply, it isn’t because I don’t want to talk. I have thoughts that eat me alive. They steal away reality and leave me with nothing but sadness, and that makes it hard to talk, it makes it hard to breathe. Some days all I can manage to do is sit on the couch, because if I make any type of movement I think the world might crash around me.

Said that you had to leave and re-stitch some seams
in trying to fix something that remains unseen
you left me broken
at least I’ve made friends with irony
alone is how I prefer to be

I can finally breathe
because now I see
all along I really had nobody
the truth has set me free
from the burden of caring for those who don’t care about me

The world is a beautiful place
and I want to be beautiful
too
although there is nothing I can do
to change my face
lack of grace
or slow my pace
I know not my place in this world
I am but a girl
and what is one among many
is there meaning?
how am I supposed to find any
well
maybe I can
just not in this person I am
but I see it all around me
in each soul
every body
I meet
all incomplete
pieces of a puzzle
that I'll never fully see
why can't I just let it be
push these questions aside
and live my life
content with being swept along the tide
why can't I look past all the strife
what can I do to stop it
can I rearrange
make a change
people look at you strange
when you see a different picture
this is never what I  pictured
when I was growing up
how can our world be so corrupt?
everyone stuck
in their ways
lost in a daze so they remain the same
in kindergarten
I sat and looked up
as my teacher told me the news
could it be true?
9/11
war on "terror"
they were trying to scare us
just a bunch of cover ups
none of my friends seem to give a ****
maybe I care too much
or not enough
I want to change reality
how can I hold onto my sanity
if I continue to do nothing

Tell me
where do I start
with my hands or with my heart
everything I know has been torn apart
where do I start?

Bigger scars make better stories
But I've buried these words inside my bones
Staring at the same ceiling for far too long
All these places I have rested my head and none of them feel like home
I would trade my sweetest memory
To feel the breeze
Be at ease
Find some inner peace
Sweet release
I have clawed at flaws
Made friends with the stars
It's easier to lock myself in than deal with these scars
Strangers are passing time
Kissing in cars
While I construct another wall
Hide behind bars

Walking along the river, side by side
She asked, “Have you forgotten how to sing?”
To which
She heard no reply

Our planet isn't dying
It's being killed

And I will remain unfulfilled
Until I pick up the pieces and help
Rebuild

**** it
I'll go home
Soon as I’m ******
What’s another night on my own?

Let these wandering feet take me wherever they may go
No peace at home
Or within my bones
I never pick up the phone
But I wait all night
Hoping to get these words right
Like someone else just might
Ask me what I have to say
And just like every other day
The chance slips away
They say
It’s never been the problem
But how we face it
And let's face it
There’s no changing this
Starting to think I’m better off wasted
So I don’t have to face this
Take a bottle to the face
No chaser
I swear to you
This isn't her
She’s just a little unsure
Feeling impure
And increasingly insecure
About nothing in particular
Have you noticed how she avoids the mirror?
Is that any way to live life
A prisoner of your own fear?
Distancing yourself from all you hold dear
Just in case the end is near
This much is clear
You’ll never escape strife if you can’t put down the knife
You’ll never know love if you can’t rise above
Forgive yourself for the things you can’t control
Or it will start to take its toll
Like poison to the soul
You’ll never feel whole
Until someone passes you the bowl
And you start to tumble down the rabbit hole
With no control over where you’ll go
Time moves slow
Thoughts flow to and fro
Comes and goes
Highs and lows
Either way
I know
I’ll end up in bed
Alone
******
Listening to these headphones
Humming along to a melody that no one knows