The blue bike
on the side of the road.
The sky blue bike,
ready to fly.
That's when I asked,
How? Why?
The blue bike crashed,
flying too high.
Now it's abandoned,
waiting there  alone.
Waiting for someone to pick it up,
willing to fly with it again.
So I took the battered blue bike,
and began to fly.

"The flower that blooms in adversity
Is the most rare and beautiful of all."*

I climb to the top
I won't ever stop
I may be a woman
But I don't belong to a man

I am not the same
Or even sane
But I have fought
Because I've been taught

Fight
Never lose sight
Of life
Take the knife
Keep it near
To turn on peers

I've learned to defend
Against those who pretend
To be friends
But stab you in the end

I've fought so much
To die by my own touch.
I will fight my battles
And make the world rattle.

I'll stay true to me
Instead of flee.

I see a pimple
Bright on my face
There are quite a lot
To even trace

They travel down
My neck and back
It really makes
Me feel like crap

There are quite a lot
Of things I hate
Like my short legs
And nose that's not straight

My hands are small
Kinda stubby
I have stretch marks
Around my tummy

Even though I have things I hate
Never would I change

For I love it all
Even my so called 'flaws'

My body is mine
And I'm pretty **** fine

Wind blows through my hair
The grass soft against my feet
Everything seems fair
Even constrained in my seat

I have plenty of food
I'm safe and warm
Even if it's crude
I'm part of the norm

I'm sent to a place
That is padded ceiling to floor
I play with my dress' lace
While I sit there and bore

This is my punishment for speaking
I acted out to Him
The one who's been 'tweaking'
Me since life turned grim

Awful things happen here
But I'm grateful too
That I don't live with fear
The one I once knew
  
This punishment is minor
I've had it a time too many
For asking about her shiner
And counting to twenty

If I continue rebelling
And I do worse
Then spelling
I'll ride off in a hearse

I've been taken to a big crowd
I'm out of that room
That's when it went loud
And I heard a BOOM

That's the day I was found
The day I was me
I heard no other sound
But those of glee

I never understood
What I hadn't been told
And now I think how could
My parents never want to hold

Me

That was the day I was taught a word
One of beauty and glory
A word that I heard
That is its own story

A story so sweet
Saying I didn't need 'em
That I could meet
A world of freedom

Her eyes sparkle
Her cheeks have streaks
From the diamonds she cries

Her tears are more beautiful
So unlike salt water
They shine showing the joy seeping from her soul

She is the epitome of riches
So gorgeous and sad
With her diamond tears

They always mean so much more
For she rarely cries
Her diamonds clinking onto the ground

She is so precious
Far more than the diamonds
That fall from her eyes

I wish I could stop the spilling diamonds
So she could keep that beautiful sparkle
In her soul

sunshine and
high heels
thrumming music
how do you feel?
pulverized hearts and
love smashed to smithereens
a silver bullet
stops the wolverine
but nothing can stop my love
by any means

You're distance
Overwhelmingly hurts my
Under appreciated feelings

Are you blind?
Not quite like I am
Deaf and mute

Is it ever love?

the grey hoodie girl walked on by
to the store.
i don't know why.
a cop car passed for
the smoke stack had fire
pouring with someone screaming "play it again!"
she walked past with burning desire
to be like the wren
flying - Free -
Oh just let her *be

It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows

The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night

Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves

Then I'm left alone

The demons whispering
Become shouts

It leaves me deaf
And blinded

The light stolen
By the hateful thieves

With that light
Leaves
My
Hope

But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black

Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words

Hold
On
Possibilities
Exist

The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend

Is here
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst

When no one was here
They still were
They became my light

Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me

Hope

I was lucky
Drama never exploded upon me
Half-truths
Half-lies
I never took part in them
Being shy and quiet,  
I never really cared for it
Nasty mean words
Hate that poors from mouths like
Bile

I always thought drama was a way for attention seekers to be seen
And a way to hurt people deemed worthy
Such a lovely way to be noticed
Through rumors and hate  
Thick sludge that even the pureness of honesty can't defeat

Honesty was a strong suit for me
A quiet girl with little to say
Why say something if it's a lie?
And most honesty hurts others so I stayed quiet
I had poetry anyway

Poetry
A language of it's own
Flowing, curt, inspiring
It was magic to me
Somehow it still is
A magic that is real,
Yet feels so unreal

Why would I tamper poetry  
With petty drama?
It's pure beauty enables emotion to meet a life in ink
All emotion freely flowing from a pen to a page
Erasing and capturing them into glimpses of what is real and felt

Instead of lies I tell truths
Which is why I rarely speak
The truth is hard to handle
I don't want to be half of something
I'm so whole and full to the brim of life
How would it be right to speak half,  
To live half a life?
It wouldn't be fair
So no half-truths
Only fullness
To represent the life I have to give

.
pitter patter of little feet
pitter patter of a rainy fleet
CRASH BANG! of pots and pans
CRASH BANG! a thunderous band
screech screech from baby boo
screech screech from bird two

It started with hello
With no where to go.
You then me.
How could this be?

It was great for weeks,
But then came streaks
On my heart.
They hurt like a dart.

Months of nothing
How was it something?
It didn't end in good bye
I just watched it fly

Miscommunication broke it
And I choked on it-
The words and tears,
I would have no fears.

I left because of you,
But who wears the shoe?
Who gets the blame,
And all of that fame?

Has it happened to you?
It doesn't have to..
TALK.. please
Don't let it freeze

It was all so new
Like the shine on shoes
When I was with you

And it was hard to contain
All of the pain
I felt inside my brain

But I did

So when we came
To this new game
I was almost ashamed

And you surprised me
When you didn't flee
And tried to love me

But it wasn't enough

Pain seeped out
And sent confusion about
I felt so lonely in my drought

I shoved it aside
To look out side
Myself and tried

But it wasn't enough

Were you dying
While I was crying
From this drying?

True meanings lead astray
And I'll continue to pray
Each and everyday

But is it enough?

The little finch wanted to fly
High in the sky
So he did

The little finch whizzed past the clouds
High above any crowds
He soared

The little finch flew up to a home
High past a dome
He dove

The little finch saw a reflection
High past rejection
He smacked

The little finch hit the window
He bounced off the pane
Too scared to feel pain

Well soon they'll be gone
It won't be long now
Sorry you never had a chance
Doubt you will miss me at all
Only needed centuries ago
Might as well get used to it

Thank you for one thing
Everyday I'll eat icecream
Even if I don't want to
Taking a break will be good
Hope I heal soon

Freedom is important
Life is important
Choosing is important
Having a voice is important

Taking away rights is wrong
Rules taking away our power is wrong
War over religion is wrong
Division in a family is wrong

Believing that taking away guns will solve crime is a miconception
Taking away your right to defend yourself is baffling
Criminals will still get guns
Guns are to protect you from being hurt or robbed

Having rights protects you from the corrupt government
There are tragedies that happen
And it is proven that gun related crimes go down
But they DO NOT disappear

A perfect world is not what we live in
Utopia is impossible with all the different ideas and beliefs
Even me writing this proves no one agrees on the same thing

I don't need to be agreed with
I don't need a government to dictate what I eat
I don't need restrictions against the way I live my life

I need to be heard by my peers
I need to be heard by my government
I need the power of speech
I need to have good morals and stand by them
I need a place where the rights are not taken away from the people

This country was built by our founding fathers so we were not controlled by the government
This country was made for freedom and morals
This country was made for the honest man
This country was made by your ancestors or
This country was the freedom your ancestors needed

This country was not made for the top 1%

How do you define yourself as an American?

This country is no longer great or proud.
This country has changed drastically from what it was first meant to be

Too many people will hate me for being too young for saying these things
Or being corrupted by parents and peers and youth
I'm still given a voice
I'm important to this country because I'm apart of it

And I will use my power of speech and all of my other birth given rights till they are ripped from my hands and forcibly taken away from me

I hope that day comes with my last dying breath
For I'm going to hate seeing a world that has gone back to the dark ages of serfs and Lords

I've been gone
It's been so long
And I wanted to see you
Well that's not exactly true
But  we started to talk
Not long after I decided to walk
It's suppose to be a two way street
But if you keep love like a sweet
It will never stay
That's why I've gone away







Are you still alive?







I can't survive







Though I did leave you
You left me too
And the biggest trick
To come from a *****
Is to believe they'll love
And hold you high above





And I am always the fool
When it comes to tools

The ones you want to keep
And the ones you don't
The ones you do keep
And the ones you don't

They say don't make promises you can't keep
Does that stop you?
No, but you don't sleep

Do you try to make less promises,
Or do you simply keep every promise you make?

So I lay waiting

For someone to keep theirs to me
And I realize when I'm old and gray
That no one will be

Keeping promises like I do
So I'll be waiting for a prince
But I never knew

That I could stand on my own
Keeping promises the same way
Never putting my heart on loan

For promises are good
But trust is far better
When battling in the wood

Darkness beckoning
And the demons all around him
Reckoning

They ask for him
I plead no
But he goes

And I'm left with broken promises..

Summer dreams,
cast away.
Darkness now,
here to stay
cliche
cliche
cliche
cliche
Dreams are untrue
Darkness rules
Summer is an escape
Fleeting like fate

Heart and soul
Body and mind

Why is it that this happens?
I shouldn't chase
I shouldn't sacrifice sanity
I shouldn't cry and bleed with

Nothing

To show I'm with you
And not pining

I should be chased
I should be given flowers and chocolate
I should have the world
I don't know where you are
Or what's happened but
I know you could give me the world
If only you knew you can
That the world to me
Is very little
It's moments
It's warmth
It's the light in the dark
It's the hand brushing away tears
It's knowing you
It's seeing you
It's mutual trust



But how can there be anything in






Nothing

Rough and lined
Quite defined
Cut and scarred
Oh so marred

Dark veins
And sharp pains
Short nails
But when all else fails

I hold your beautifully scarred hand too
And smile at the wonderful gift I've been given

Down in my toes
A bubbly feeling grows
Viciously through my whole body
I smile and blush like crazy
Doubt has always been part of my soul

Another time I'd write and write
About the world's spite,
My lack of life,
The loss of fight

I sit endlessly thinking,
Writing,
In my mind
As I grind
The little gears in my head

Wasting away is my great fear
Yet I sit here,
Absorbing no knowledge

I hate who I am,

A pathetic use of space
I try to move, I try so hard.
But stay a still lumpy rock
While people knock
And push and pull.

Their words lurk like vultures,
Trying to pick at my pieces.
Churning me up like cream
Waiting for a scream,
A shout,
A call to myself.

But how can I move outside of this cell?

...  

daughter
sister
aunt  
niece
granddaughter
nice
sweet
good girl  
baby faced
lost
unemployed
uneducated
questioning
wandering
stuck  
dissapointing
hopeful
sinful
alone
sad
happy
grateful.....

i am so many things  
but..
Who Am I?

A shadow rests on the edge of my mind.
Here all of the memories we left behind
Lay to rest in the darkness.
But they've traveled and made my life a mess.

I remember the words and beauty they told.
Ones of longing and worry and how you would hold-
Oh no- it's too late. Don't ask me why.
But the memories we made now make me cry.

Now I'm lost in metaphors and words.
My world dies
As my whole existence sighs
And each heavy drop drowns them out.

Being at war with myself, not picking a side.
No matter how hard i tried,
I'm still in love.
It hurts when i try to shove

These feelings down to the dark and deep.
So now I'll weep,
And sit in this heap,
Until I sleep.

Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
That irritable clock
Continues to
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Counting down time
Til I'll be nothing but slime
The begrudging noise
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Unless it slips away
And the memories of yesterday
Fade
And there is nothing I would trade
For the love of a moment
Where nothing is spoken
And the glimpse of peace
Is not just a tease
But then that moment is stolen
And that bit that was woven
Is unraveled and stretched til you hear
Nothing but
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc
Tic toc....

What does it mean
To be clean?

Hygienic?
Sober?

Do you want to be clean?
Do you need to be green?

It has many meanings
What's yours?

Out **** spot, out, out!! -Macbeth

Self deprecation
Mood deflation
Perfect jeans you had
A size too small
Looks when you wear
Clothes you love

Silent thoughts
Silent tears
Encouragement
Sometimes makes it worse

Wishing it wasn't like this
That your thoughts didn't turn on you

It's not about the size
Or being a zero
It's about loving your body
And I don't love me like this
I did when I was healthy
I used to love EVERYTHING about me

I feel weak
I feel used
I feel fat

The mind is powerful
It is great at deceiving
Even the strongest minds
Have a breaking point

Each person is beautiful no matter what
Because there is no one else quite like you

I lost myself in the now
The words can't get out
Beating down the door
They poured from before

My mind overflows
While my world implodes
Secrets that can't be stopped
Thoughts that I dropped

Creativity and wisdom
Loss and pain

Will I ever get my words back?

Do I still have my voice?

Am I loved without my me?

Does this loss define me?

Are my words all I have?

Is it all I can give?

Am I worthless?

Am I still me?

What is left, if I don't have poetry?

How can your mind speak,
when you heart is screaming?
How can you be rational,
when insanity is around the corner?
How can you focus,
when you soul dies?

Where is there peace,
in all of the war?
Where is there love,
in all of the hate?
Where is there order,
in all of the chaos?

Why is there hope,
with so much doubt?
Why is there good,
with so much bad?
Why is there something,
with so much nothing?

Who is with you,
when no one else is?
Who is rational ,
when they are insane?
Who is organized,
in the chaos?

Who is good,
when everything is bad?
Who is at peace,
when war is everywhere?

Who is focused,
when their soul is dying?
Who is thinking,
when their heart is crying?

to be cherished, understood and
loved wholeheartedly
and to in turn love them strongly
with every part of you being

to know you won't understand
but try everyday to be better
to be there when words flounder
so they know they are not Alone

fairy tale love is rare
and true love is too
but to say they are the  same is untrue
one is adult the other a childish dream

yet I long for both
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic

Goodbye
Only i didn't get one
Never will i again
Everyone leaves

i plunge and fall as He beckons me-
bringing nothing but sorrow and self loathing-
it's cold and dark but i keep running
Running-
Running-
i trip and bash my head in-
the stars and darkness swirl around me
but still i am despaired and falling
Falling-
Falling-

A song in the background
Happy smiles on our faces
None making a sound
The car travelled so many places

It happens so quickly
In the blink an eye
You don't even feel sickly
Until you lose th high

The hood had snapped
And made a whoosh
The windshield cracked
I'd been swooshed

We were not hurt
And I said my praise
My mind is on alert
It put me in a craze

I go to bed
Too hot to sleep
So I lay there
Under my sheets
My mind starts to drift
And what do I think?
Only of you
My cheeks are pink
I have a huge grin
My stomach starts to flutter
Then panic sets in
I can't think about a boy at this time!
I've gone mad with my thoughts
And surely I have committed no crime
But thoughts can be poison
That tickles your mind
And your emotions deepen
Now I start to think of little things
My mind relaxes
My heart sings
Possibilities are endless
I start to sigh
As I fall asleep careless
About ending time

I wrote a poem or two,
Nothing too flashy.
I was wiggling my shoe
When something tickled my fancy

I'd stumbled upon a page
That made my head spin
Few fueled by rage
And most made me grin

Like there was a secret
One that came out in each piece
As if writing would weaken
The barrier of your heart and release

A truth so wonderful and bold.
So I followed and logged that day

When I returned a day or two after
I was shocked and crazed
I was filled with laughter
A single message left me dazed

I scrambled, my mind thinking
While silencing Jimney  
My friend started winking
My reasons flimsy

That's how it started
So long ago
I've changed
I've grown
Somehow I know
I should not be
Here
Waiting for you
Waiting for something more
Something like a fairytale
Where we meet years after
In a little cafe
Where we are past this teenage stupity
And we finally understand what love
Means
But for now I'm left waiting
Because I'd hate myself
To leave someone like you
I'd hate me for never having the guts
To be left waiting

Hate
Negativity
Loss
Pain
Loud
Anger

alone

*Acceptance
Silence
Scars
New
Positivity
Love
FRIENDS

The poetic justice
The lovely rhyme
They leave me now
With endless time

The wonderful words
The beautiful depth
They're taken
What a horrid theft

The simply superb
The eloquent
Shoved aside
Till there's nothing left

Shallow and empty
It's all swept away
Maybe it'll come back to me
Someday

in
and
out
in
and
out
calming my racing heart by
breathing
in
and
out
in
and
out
and somehow i breathe in
you
and then there is nothing to stop
my breathing you
in
and
out
in
and
out

Woke up an hour too late
My homework wasn't done
It must have been fate
Cause today already won

Got dressed for the day
And raced through my work
Forgot to pay
That incessant ****

His name is Monday
And he already won the day

It happened in an instant
One minute I was waiting
The next
I was caught in your swirling words
Not thinking too clearly
But you caught me
And I feel the familiar little
flutter
And I know I'm ready to fall
My question?
Are you ready to fall too?

Why the hell do I miss you so much?







Please just tell me so I can go to sleep...

it's being away from                  you
it's being [{trapped}] by your thoughts
it's screaming for SOMEONE
Anyone
to understand
i want         l      d
                 o            e
                        v
in the way that is *whole

You try
And work
And learn  
And try to be successful
But still you don't
Sleep
Or eat
Or cry
Or breathe
For if you do then you won't be
Someone's child
A friend
A worker
A spouse
Sadly we believe being succesful
Is more important than being healthy
We are so afraid we won't be loved
We don't think that we should
love ourselves
.