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Lauren Ehrler Jun 2018
I dreamed of you again.
We laughed,
and loved.

You held me so tightly,
with strong,

Yet touched me
so tenderly,
and gently.

I awoke and realized it wasn't real

I'm left with a hole
so deep,
and painful.

Longingly I wait to fill
this abysmal,
heart clenching

Maybe I'll stop longing
and find
my beautiful
self instead.
. .
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2019
. .

this is what I feel


No love
No passion
No hate



and I don't know how to fix It

this thing that isn't me

this nothingness
that consumes me

i yearn for more

just something



the nothing
Lauren Ehrler Mar 2019

good girl  
baby faced

i am so many things  
Who Am I?
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
I've been gone
It's been so long
And I wanted to see you
Well that's not exactly true
But  we started to talk
Not long after I decided to walk
It's suppose to be a two way street
But if you keep love like a sweet
It will never stay
That's why I've gone away

Are you still alive?

I can't survive

Though I did leave you
You left me too
And the biggest trick
To come from a *****
Is to believe they'll love
And hold you high above

And I am always the fool
When it comes to tools
Lauren Ehrler Jan 2017
Well soon they'll be gone
It won't be long now
Sorry you never had a chance
Doubt you will miss me at all
Only needed centuries ago
Might as well get used to it

Thank you for one thing
Everyday I'll eat icecream
Even if I don't want to
Taking a break will be good
Hope I heal soon
Good riddance!!
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2018
"fall for the eyes, they will never fade"

but what of a smile?
how he slyly grins
after freely teasing me.
or after his booming laugh,
how his whole face radiates joy.
his bemused smile after I see him
sneakily steal snacks before dinner.
but most of all, its him beaming
after I accomplish the smallest tasks:
every clumsy ballet recital,
every modest theater performance,
every time I step out of my small world,
and everything in-between.

Thank you for smiling with me Dad.
I love you for that.
My Dad is more of a serious man and because of that his smile and laughter are contagious. I don't always agree with him but I love him no matter what. Thank You Dad! And every dad who loves their children.
Happy Father's Day.
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
sunshine and
high heels
thrumming music
how do you feel?
pulverized hearts and
love smashed to smithereens
a silver bullet
stops the wolverine
but nothing can stop my love
by any means
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2018
do you still read my poetry?
take in every line
search for meaning
and for me
curious what you'll find

do you still think about me?
wonder how i am
read through my rhymes
through my lies
i hope to say you can

do you hate my stupidity?
raging at my hope
seeing my pathetic mess
the ludicrousness
hurt that i won't mope

do you still read my poetry?
get wrapped up in my words
hope to find i'm alright
the truth i hide
is that what i deserve?

do you still read my poetry?
for I still want you to
marvel at the wonders
my little treasures
it's more than you deserve
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
The robins chirp as
Bees busily buzz by
The sun gently warms the grass and
A breeze rustles waking trees.
Chipmunks scurry in the cool air.
The creek gently roars while
Squirrels hurriedly run tree to tree
The sun peaks through dark clouds
Promising rain.
Dogs roll through mud
And children splash happily after them

I can't help but smile
At the joyful scene.
It help stirs my hope that
the sun can thaw my frozen heart too
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
thumpthump, thumpthump
thumpthump, thumpthump
strong beats
through thin sheets
helps me sleep.
lets me keep
you with me
and our steady heart beat
thumpthump, thumpthump
thumpthump, thumpthump
Lauren Ehrler Oct 2016
It was all so new
Like the shine on shoes
When I was with you

And it was hard to contain
All of the pain
I felt inside my brain

But I did

So when we came
To this new game
I was almost ashamed

And you surprised me
When you didn't flee
And tried to love me

But it wasn't enough

Pain seeped out
And sent confusion about
I felt so lonely in my drought

I shoved it aside
To look out side
Myself and tried

But it wasn't enough

Were you dying
While I was crying
From this drying?

True meanings lead astray
And I'll continue to pray
Each and everyday

But is it enough?
Thoughts of an unloved soul....
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
things i do
things i say
I try
I try
you walk away
i smile
i pray
you laugh
i cry
but I do
I smile
I look and see
You are the problem
Not me
I like me
I love me
I learn everyday
that i love me this way
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
The blue bike
on the side of the road.
The sky blue bike,
ready to fly.
That's when I asked,
How? Why?
The blue bike crashed,
flying too high.
Now it's abandoned,
waiting there  alone.
Waiting for someone to pick it up,
willing to fly with it again.
So I took the battered blue bike,
and began to fly.
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
calming my racing heart by
and somehow i breathe in
and then there is nothing to stop
my breathing you
Lauren Ehrler Aug 2018
I'm a brick wall
Not in the sense of stubbornness or
being close minded
But in reference to my outer shell  
With which no emotion can pass through
And to most it means
There is no place where my emotion dwells
Or worse they take a wrecking ball to the strong wall
Hoping to crack my resistance
Only giving more reason to build it higher, wider

They claw at my walls
Not bothering to knock with gentle hands
Delicate touch opening the door
Not barreling through
Looking and knowing there's a wall
To keep my feelings in
Not to keep others out

Sadly no one knocks at a hidden door
So do I make a new door,
Tear down a wall,
Or wait a whole life for someone who might never knock?
Lauren Ehrler Dec 2016
Down in my toes
A bubbly feeling grows
Viciously through my whole body
I smile and blush like crazy
Doubt has always been part of my soul
I guess I finally found my voice again... Even though I shouldn't here is another......
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
What does it mean
To be clean?


Do you want to be clean?
Do you need to be green?

It has many meanings
What's yours?

Out **** spot, out, out!! -Macbeth
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
Summer dreams,
cast away.
Darkness now,
here to stay

Dreams are untrue
Darkness rules
Summer is an escape
Fleeting like fate
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
A song in the background
Happy smiles on our faces
None making a sound
The car travelled so many places

It happens so quickly
In the blink an eye
You don't even feel sickly
Until you lose th high

The hood had snapped
And made a whoosh
The windshield cracked
I'd been swooshed

We were not hurt
And I said my praise
My mind is on alert
It put me in a craze
For the many accidents that happen everyday.
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
The poetic justice
The lovely rhyme
They leave me now
With endless time

The wonderful words
The beautiful depth
They're taken
What a horrid theft

The simply superb
The eloquent
Shoved aside
Till there's nothing left

Shallow and empty
It's all swept away
Maybe it'll come back to me
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2016
Self deprecation
Mood deflation
Perfect jeans you had
A size too small
Looks when you wear
Clothes you love

Silent thoughts
Silent tears
Sometimes makes it worse

Wishing it wasn't like this
That your thoughts didn't turn on you

It's not about the size
Or being a zero
It's about loving your body
And I don't love me like this
I did when I was healthy
I used to love EVERYTHING about me

I feel weak
I feel used
I feel fat

The mind is powerful
It is great at deceiving
Even the strongest minds
Have a breaking point

Each person is beautiful no matter what
Because there is no one else quite like you
There is always someone who has self doubt and untrue thoughts. This is truly about myself
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
Let me share my light
Let me help you fight
The dark demons inside
Please don't hide

Let me be your guide
Let me know you tried
To let me be bright
When you lose sight

Let me be with you
Let me be true
I want you next to me
If only you could see
You are perfectly free
When you are here by me
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
i plunge and fall as He beckons me-
bringing nothing but sorrow and self loathing-
it's cold and dark but i keep running
i trip and bash my head in-
the stars and darkness swirl around me
but still i am despaired and falling
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
Her eyes sparkle
Her cheeks have streaks
From the diamonds she cries

Her tears are more beautiful
So unlike salt water
They shine showing the joy seeping from her soul

She is the epitome of riches
So gorgeous and sad
With her diamond tears

They always mean so much more
For she rarely cries
Her diamonds clinking onto the ground

She is so precious
Far more than the diamonds
That fall from her eyes

I wish I could stop the spilling diamonds
So she could keep that beautiful sparkle
In her soul
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
It's been a while
But I'll give it a try or I'll
Die trying

Hand in hand
Together we stand
In a little town I know

We smile and laugh
As if by chance
You finally were mine

Surrounded in a haze
In that delicious phase
Of pure and utter bliss

We walk down streets
I could hardly breathe
As your hand squeezed mine

I look to your face
But it seemed out of place
For I can not recognize you

I'm happy all the same
Every bit tame
Unlike the last dream I had

But perhaps it wasn't you
It seemed so true
When I dreamt it that night

I swore I woke smiling
Desperately filing
That dream into memory
To the one that never was not the one that should've been
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2016


Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
The little finch wanted to fly
High in the sky
So he did

The little finch whizzed past the clouds
High above any crowds
He soared

The little finch flew up to a home
High past a dome
He dove

The little finch saw a reflection
High past rejection
He smacked

The little finch hit the window
He bounced off the pane
Too scared to feel pain
For the little bird who hit my window. Thankfully he flew away. Hope you are safe little finch...
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2018
flit flit

                    flit flit


My mind is endlessly flitting from one thought to the next

thoughts of hate cutting deep through my skin,
carving out parts of myself that feel and tingle

No. That's too harsh

longing for the loving touch of another,
Imagining the soft caress of a hand brushing my-

No. Stop imaging what you don't have.

fantasizing what it'd be like to have deep love for someone
talking, arguing, laughing

No. Stop. That will never happen to you

I long to-

No. You can't.
You are pathetic,
Nothing good will come from your life.
You are pathetic.

just a waste of space


i want to bleed this out of me
let it flow through my fingers
watch it all drift away

no; flit

can we move on now?
my eyes are flowing, my soul aches,
can't i remember good things?
i want to be happy,
i want to be alive.
i feel.
isn't that enough?

I want it to be enough
Trying to confront all of the horrible things the mind can come up with.
Lauren Ehrler Aug 2018
Soft hair
Freckled skin
Shut lips
Quiet steps
Sad eyes
Curled toes
Shaky hands
Dull clothes
Scarred soul

Overall: lost
A little series of poems I'm doing looking at myself from a different perspective.
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
the grey hoodie girl walked on by
to the store.
i don't know why.
a cop car passed for
the smoke stack had fire
pouring with someone screaming "play it again!"
she walked past with burning desire
to be like the wren
flying - Free -
Oh just let her *be
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
It started with hello
With no where to go.
You then me.
How could this be?

It was great for weeks,
But then came streaks
On my heart.
They hurt like a dart.

Months of nothing
How was it something?
It didn't end in good bye
I just watched it fly

Miscommunication broke it
And I choked on it-
The words and tears,
I would have no fears.

I left because of you,
But who wears the shoe?
Who gets the blame,
And all of that fame?

Has it happened to you?
It doesn't have to..
TALK.. please
Don't let it freeze
Finally got it out right..
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
I want you here,
Always be near.
I love you
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
You're distance
Overwhelmingly hurts my
Under appreciated feelings

Are you blind?
Not quite like I am
Deaf and mute

Is it ever love?
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
to be cherished, understood and
loved wholeheartedly
and to in turn love them strongly
with every part of you being

to know you won't understand
but try everyday to be better
to be there when words flounder
so they know they are not Alone

fairy tale love is rare
and true love is too
but to say they are the  same is untrue
one is adult the other a childish dream

yet I long for both
I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2016
It hides in the darkness
And lurks in the shadows

The sun can block it out
But not keep it away in the night

Sometimes the moon is my only solace
But it leaves

Then I'm left alone

The demons whispering
Become shouts

It leaves me deaf
And blinded

The light stolen
By the hateful thieves

With that light

But it lingers in my mind
Even when it's pitch black

Even when the shouts make me deaf
I hear the words


The little birdie
My little angel
My wonderful friend

Is here
They snuck in
And were beside me
They were with me
Even through the worst

When no one was here
They still were
They became my light

Even now as I'm in the dark
I know they are here
And it gives me

Lauren Ehrler Nov 2016
Wind beats a weathered home
While snow falls on warm lashes
Toes curl in old boots trying to wake numb toes
Finally a lone car parks
She steps out and walks into the little café with a ding ding
He looks up from his empty cup
Their eyes lock
He looks away from those enchanting eyes, blushing
A small smile passes her lips as she orders
He can't stop watching in awe at this curious girl
She's polite and talks with the busy barista
All too quickly her bitter coffee comes
She only gives a wave and is out the door with a ding ding
Barely thinking he bursts out the little café
He looks left then right, but she's already gone
As she left in that lone car he thought, what could have happened?
What if he was two seconds sooner?
How different would their story be?
But now it's just the story of an almost...
And there are so many of those
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2018
inspiration is a fickle thing.
it lurks around in the shadows.
sometimes to far in to be seen.

other times it seeps out,
flowing like a babbling brook
straight from my heart.

it leaks out of small things.
the way a leaf blows,
or how deep and loud he laughs.

yet still, it can choke me up,
the flow haulting at my tongue,
draining down my face.

so often the flow stops at my eyes,
soaking up what they see
and simply enjoying the moment.

inspiration is a fickle thing.
phasing in and out like the moon.

only when full to the brim
or dried like a well
do we notice that it's beautiful

And oh so wonderful
Lauren Ehrler May 2018
Assault my senses
Let me breathe in your skin
Feel your hands pull my hips
Bite my lip as our whole bodies kiss.

I want to feel you explore me
Touch my soul, as our sweaty bodies collide
Awaken my deepest kept secret
As I expose to you my every weakness

I want to pull your hair
Lay my head on your chest.
Listen as your heart slowly beats
As my legs touch yours through thin sheets

Hold me till the morning comes
My skin cold from sweat
Warm me up with a sleepy smile
And mumble "Stay for a while.. "
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
I go to bed
Too hot to sleep
So I lay there
Under my sheets
My mind starts to drift
And what do I think?
Only of you
My cheeks are pink
I have a huge grin
My stomach starts to flutter
Then panic sets in
I can't think about a boy at this time!
I've gone mad with my thoughts
And surely I have committed no crime
But thoughts can be poison
That tickles your mind
And your emotions deepen
Now I start to think of little things
My mind relaxes
My heart sings
Possibilities are endless
I start to sigh
As I fall asleep careless
About ending time
Lauren Ehrler Aug 2016
A shadow rests on the edge of my mind.
Here all of the memories we left behind
Lay to rest in the darkness.
But they've traveled and made my life a mess.

I remember the words and beauty they told.
Ones of longing and worry and how you would hold-
Oh no- it's too late. Don't ask me why.
But the memories we made now make me cry.

Now I'm lost in metaphors and words.
My world dies
As my whole existence sighs
And each heavy drop drowns them out.

Being at war with myself, not picking a side.
No matter how hard i tried,
I'm still in love.
It hurts when i try to shove

These feelings down to the dark and deep.
So now I'll weep,
And sit in this heap,
Until I sleep.
Lauren Ehrler Sep 2016
Woke up an hour too late
My homework wasn't done
It must have been fate
Cause today already won

Got dressed for the day
And raced through my work
Forgot to pay
That incessant ****

His name is Monday
And he already won the day
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
"The flower that blooms in adversity
Is the most rare and beautiful of all."*

I climb to the top
I won't ever stop
I may be a woman
But I don't belong to a man

I am not the same
Or even sane
But I have fought
Because I've been taught

Never lose sight
Of life
Take the knife
Keep it near
To turn on peers

I've learned to defend
Against those who pretend
To be friends
But stab you in the end

I've fought so much
To die by my own touch.
I will fight my battles
And make the world rattle.

I'll stay true to me
Instead of flee.
I know the movie  isn't true to the legend but... still beautiful. It's inspired me to be myself instead of someone else
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2016
Heart and soul
Body and mind

Why is it that this happens?
I shouldn't chase
I shouldn't sacrifice sanity
I shouldn't cry and bleed with


To show I'm with you
And not pining

I should be chased
I should be given flowers and chocolate
I should have the world
I don't know where you are
Or what's happened but
I know you could give me the world
If only you knew you can
That the world to me
Is very little
It's moments
It's warmth
It's the light in the dark
It's the hand brushing away tears
It's knowing you
It's seeing you
It's mutual trust

But how can there be anything in

Lauren Ehrler May 2017
oh yes
it s the best
on n off
up n d
turnin words
up side wrong
thanks brain  
  you re the best
tots luv u
but I really do like u
thnx 4 keepin me
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2018
I enjoy singing
not in a grand way.
But I hum and sing to
my favorite songs.

Losing my voice is such a big fear.
In more ways than one,
it connects my thoughts
to the world.

I used to believe
my voice wasn't worth hearing.
That being silent would be easier
then being heard.

I don't have anything special.
I can carry a tune
and run words together
But not in a grand way.

I sing because I enjoy it.
I write to feel my emotions, show my perspective.
It's not very magnificent,
but no one else could do it quite
like me.
I've been sick for two weeks and haven't been able to sing or talk without sounding like a mouse.
Lauren Ehrler Mar 2018
flicker flicker
the fake candle blinks in a dark room with a loud mind
twisting and turning trying to unwind.

deep breaths calm down the racing
thump thump
of the petrified heart, just bracing
thump thump
for the worst.

shallow breathing forces the heart to slow
and she turns off the rinky **** candle instead of blow
it out.

only darkness and the glow of moonlight now.
the loud mind forced to take a bow.

you'll never be good enough
still she hears the whirring of gears
that will never stop in a trillion years,

until she's thought her whole life away.
but what if
Lauren Ehrler Apr 2017
Rough and lined
Quite defined
Cut and scarred
Oh so marred

Dark veins
And sharp pains
Short nails
But when all else fails

I hold your beautifully scarred hand too
And smile at the wonderful gift I've been given
Lauren Ehrler May 2016
pitter patter of little feet
pitter patter of a rainy fleet
CRASH BANG! of pots and pans
CRASH BANG! a thunderous band
screech screech from baby boo
screech screech from bird two
Lauren Ehrler Jul 2016
Wind blows through my hair
The grass soft against my feet
Everything seems fair
Even constrained in my seat

I have plenty of food
I'm safe and warm
Even if it's crude
I'm part of the norm

I'm sent to a place
That is padded ceiling to floor
I play with my dress' lace
While I sit there and bore

This is my punishment for speaking
I acted out to Him
The one who's been 'tweaking'
Me since life turned grim

Awful things happen here
But I'm grateful too
That I don't live with fear
The one I once knew
This punishment is minor
I've had it a time too many
For asking about her shiner
And counting to twenty

If I continue rebelling
And I do worse
Then spelling
I'll ride off in a hearse

I've been taken to a big crowd
I'm out of that room
That's when it went loud
And I heard a BOOM

That's the day I was found
The day I was me
I heard no other sound
But those of glee

I never understood
What I hadn't been told
And now I think how could
My parents never want to hold


That was the day I was taught a word
One of beauty and glory
A word that I heard
That is its own story

A story so sweet
Saying I didn't need 'em
That I could meet
A world of freedom
Lauren Ehrler Jun 2016
The ones you want to keep
And the ones you don't
The ones you do keep
And the ones you don't

They say don't make promises you can't keep
Does that stop you?
No, but you don't sleep

Do you try to make less promises,
Or do you simply keep every promise you make?

So I lay waiting

For someone to keep theirs to me
And I realize when I'm old and gray
That no one will be

Keeping promises like I do
So I'll be waiting for a prince
But I never knew

That I could stand on my own
Keeping promises the same way
Never putting my heart on loan

For promises are good
But trust is far better
When battling in the wood

Darkness beckoning
And the demons all around him

They ask for him
I plead no
But he goes

And I'm left with broken promises..
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