My loyalty
Is gained
Easily

My trust
Is
A must

My love
Is harder still
Flying like a dove

But when the are given
My word is true
Life will be liven
Thinking of you

But if they are taken
And abused
You would be makin'
A
Mistake
For I'm filled with love
And hate

Quickly we forget
How fragile we all are  
And I fret
Over how you'll take this
Of how you'll react
I want you to know
I
Don't
Care

About your inner demons and self hate
They are keeping us apart
They intervene with fate

But I do care
And
Oh
So
Deeply
Love you

It surrounds me
It's around us
Laying in perfect serenity
Together
We lay intertwined
Our souls touching
My hand in yours
A whisper of breath on
My cheek
Those moments etched in
Memory
The moments before the cold
Moments before darkness
Wind whipping away warmth
Emptiness as my hand lays
Alone
Your soul ripped from
Mine
Now I'm cold
And the darkness...
It took you and
It surrounds me
Alone

The robins chirp as
Bees busily buzz by
The sun gently warms the grass and
A breeze rustles waking trees.
Chipmunks scurry in the cool air.
The creek gently roars while
Squirrels hurriedly run tree to tree
The sun peaks through dark clouds
Promising rain.
Dogs roll through mud
And children splash happily after them

I can't help but smile
At the joyful scene.
It help stirs my hope that
Maybe
the sun can thaw my frozen heart too

I enjoy singing
not in a grand way.
But I hum and sing to
my favorite songs.

Losing my voice is such a big fear.
In more ways than one,
it connects my thoughts
to the world.

I used to believe
my voice wasn't worth hearing.
That being silent would be easier
then being heard.

I don't have anything special.
I can carry a tune
and run words together
But not in a grand way.

I sing because I enjoy it.
I write to feel my emotions, show my perspective.
It's not very magnificent,
but no one else could do it quite
like me.

Went to bed at six
And I slept all through the night
Now I'm awake again

I want you here,
Always be near.
I love you

Silent screams
                           begging for life,
                                                         dying on my lips.



Empty emotions
                         crying for love,
                                                  burning in my heart.



Torn thoughts
                         craving stability,
                                                       leaking out of me.





I'm a mess of opposites
burning inside,
trying to come out of sealed box.
I am nothing
and everything all at once.
I feel found and
lost,
close yet
so far
from everything I crave.
Everything is clear
and yet
nothing makes sense.

do you still read my poetry?
take in every line
search for meaning
and for me
curious what you'll find

do you still think about me?
wonder how i am
read through my rhymes
through my lies
i hope to say you can

do you hate my stupidity?
raging at my hope
seeing my pathetic mess
the ludicrousness
hurt that i won't mope

do you still read my poetry?
get wrapped up in my words
hope to find i'm alright
the truth i hide
is that what i deserve?

do you still read my poetry?
for I still want you to
marvel at the wonders
my little treasures
it's more than you deserve

I'm a brick wall
Not in the sense of stubbornness or
being close minded
But in reference to my outer shell  
With which no emotion can pass through
And to most it means
There is no place where my emotion dwells
Or worse they take a wrecking ball to the strong wall
Hoping to crack my resistance
Only giving more reason to build it higher, wider

They claw at my walls
Not bothering to knock with gentle hands
Delicate touch opening the door
Not barreling through
Looking and knowing there's a wall
To keep my feelings in
Not to keep others out

Sadly no one knocks at a hidden door
So do I make a new door,
Tear down a wall,
Or wait a whole life for someone who might never knock?

things i do
things i say
I try
I try
you walk away
i smile
i pray
I TRY
I TRY
you laugh
i cry
but I do
I smile
I look and see
You are the problem
Not me
I like me
I love me
I learn everyday
that i love me this way

I'm losing myself
I'm just





l                                  t
      o              ­ s

















I'm losing myself...
Just floating in my mind










f
           l                       o
                                             a
                             t
                                      i              n
        ­                                                         g














It's like I'm not me
But I am not someone else
I'm just stuck here in my

M                                   N
                  I                                       D















It's like I can't get
O.                        U.                      T.  

















All I want is some to
        *Hol*D
                                            ­         *me

Walls closing in
Stealing my grin
Betrayed by my feelings
Killing all of the healings
From the past suffocation
Cracking the foundation
Of trust
Creating disgust
For myself and hatred
Because the sacred
Happiness I kept in a box
Was not under chains and locks
Slipping away
Creating decay
Of the house I made  
Now I've laid
And my head has turned dizzy
I've stopped being busy
I know I've fallen back in a rut
And I know in my gut
That I have one place to turn to
So I pray to You

Let me share my light
Let me help you fight
The dark demons inside
Please don't hide

Let me be your guide
Let me know you tried
To let me be bright
When you lose sight

Let me be with you
Let me be true
I want you next to me
If only you could see
You are perfectly free
When you are here by me

.
flicker flicker
the fake candle blinks in a dark room with a loud mind
twisting and turning trying to unwind.

sigh
deep breaths calm down the racing
thump thump
of the petrified heart, just bracing
thump thump
for the worst.

sigh
shallow breathing forces the heart to slow
and she turns off the rinky **** candle instead of blow
it out.

only darkness and the glow of moonlight now.
the loud mind forced to take a bow.

you'll never be good enough
still she hears the whirring of gears
that will never stop in a trillion years,

until she's thought her whole life away.
but what if
.

inspiration is a fickle thing.
it lurks around in the shadows.
sometimes to far in to be seen.

other times it seeps out,
flowing like a babbling brook
straight from my heart.

it leaks out of small things.
the way a leaf blows,
or how deep and loud he laughs.

yet still, it can choke me up,
the flow haulting at my tongue,
draining down my face.

so often the flow stops at my eyes,
soaking up what they see
and simply enjoying the moment.

inspiration is a fickle thing.
phasing in and out like the moon.

only when full to the brim
or dried like a well
do we notice that it's beautiful

And oh so wonderful

Assault my senses
Let me breathe in your skin
Feel your hands pull my hips
Bite my lip as our whole bodies kiss.

I want to feel you explore me
Touch my soul, as our sweaty bodies collide
Awaken my deepest kept secret
As I expose to you my every weakness

I want to pull your hair
Lay my head on your chest.
Listen as your heart slowly beats
As my legs touch yours through thin sheets

Hold me till the morning comes
My skin cold from sweat
Warm me up with a sleepy smile
And mumble "Stay for a while.. "

.
flit flit

                    flit flit

                                          flit

My mind is endlessly flitting from one thought to the next

thoughts of hate cutting deep through my skin,
carving out parts of myself that feel and tingle

No. That's too harsh
flit

longing for the loving touch of another,
Imagining the soft caress of a hand brushing my-

No. Stop imaging what you don't have.
flit

fantasizing what it'd be like to have deep love for someone
talking, arguing, laughing

No. Stop. That will never happen to you
flit

I long to-

No. You can't.
You are pathetic,
Nothing good will come from your life.
You are pathetic.

just a waste of space


flit

i want to bleed this out of me
let it flow through my fingers
watch it all drift away


no; flit


can we move on now?
my eyes are flowing, my soul aches,
can't i remember good things?
i want to be happy,
i want to be alive.
i feel.
isn't that enough?

I want it to be enough
flit
.