it’s sad,
the things you’ve been through.
it’s sad,
it be the ones
who
claim they
love you.
but
don’t let it change you.
i’ve seen what all that pain do.
-

i cannot bare,
i need a home.
i need you here,
i’m all alone.
my bed is cold...
and plus
these lonely nights
are getting old.

i took your criticism,
turned it to a win.
you can control the world,
but not what’s here within.
i am too soul,
because of that i always win.
my heart gets cold,
the world is darker than my skin.

too much of this,
not enough of that.
too much focus
on what you lack.
face what you fear,
don’t turn your back.
be still,
when enemies attack.
-
this is a new era.
maybe if you knew better,
you would do better.
-
it’s all the same.
be careful of the things you say
& what you entertain.
perception makes the sane,
seemingly insane.
a quiet storm,
before it turns into a hurricane.
rarely see a rainbow in the sky
after the rain.
-
it makes you think.
when you connect the dots,
you’ll find that you’re the missing link.
make your next move in a silence
or your ship will surely sink.
true elevation is my destiny
& i am at the brink.




-

my ambition
combined with intuition;
you existing
thrives on my existence.
my drive and my persistence
derived from inhibition.
yet when i speak,
you never listen.
-
too independent,
too intelligent,
too much,
you run scared.
make you aware,
you see irrelevance in
what you once feared.
your ego is my step-child.
push me away,
projectile.
you run and hide.
you run from truth.
you won’t confide,
detached your roots.

no envy,
no anguish,
no hard feelings;
ill give you space.
how am i supposed to understand how you feel
when you don’t say?
not a reader of minds,
i am not superhuman.
you need me
but im dying,
beautiful ruins.

inherit mystical powers.
a small town girl,
with special magical powers
to heal the world.
a simple bow to the moon,
a tricky wave of a wand.
abrasive strength in her eyes,
one word &
sorrow is gone.
no poverty,
not a trace.
no crime,
no separate race.
for everyone there’s a place.
abundant love,
there’s no hate.
what a world.

be not influenced by the forces that try to dim your light.
your dna consists of forces that demand you shine bright.
don’t you ever play small,
though sometimes you may fall.
get back up & keep going,
the world needs you.

tough as nails,
you’re so inspiring.
the way you bottle up emotions & hide your pain behind the strength you gained from running away. every single time.
you occupy yourself with a facade of who you wish to become, i think it’s working..
is it working? i don’t think it’s working.
maybe it is working,
maybe you just need to stay positive.
it’s simple.
all you have to do is listen to a million motivational speeches & tell yourself that everything will be ok eventually.
but will it?
try shutting everyone out of your life,
mask all of your feelings.
did that work?
have you tried drowning in your emotions & re-visiting your past?
maybe if you actually speak about what’s going on in your head.. wait, no!
a victim should never play the victim, not a good look.
be silent.
show emotion.
be strong.
raise hell.
never let them see you frown.
uhhh?
why are you so hard?
do you have emotions?
have you tried crying?
have you tried venting?

sit your innocent little,
14 year old body on my lap.
not so sure where i will take you,
let me draw you out a map.
down the roads of mere destruction,
little bird just sing a song.
lay still,
lay silent.
i promise i won’t be long.

innocent little, 14 year old
broken & disturbed.
you cried for help,
your cries were loud
yet still nobody heard.
you’ll be okay,
just keep a secret,
14 year old girl.
i changed your life,
i changed you,
i changed your outlook on the world.

it’s like a never ending maze. & maybe i **** at making the right choices, maybe i am a ******* *****-up that does things in heats of moments completely neglecting logic. maybe i am still haunted by my past, running rampant because i so badly want to escape that person, those feelings.
trying to stay sane is a full time job that does not pay enough.
my attempts to find a love is near impossible.
i will never be good enough, will i?
i am but a girl, traumatized by disadvantages that stole my innocence way too early.
it’s hard explaining why you’re ****** up in the head while trying to outrun the demons that drag you back into hell.
so i close my eyes,
i close my heart,
i close my mind.
i was always the victim.
i always stayed silent.
i never fought because i could never win.
i no longer fight because i will never win.

i am from the place of the stars and the moon.
where planets,
they bloom like a flower.
i am far away,
still i feel so at home.
awaiting a count down to my final hour.
i won’t be here,
in a light year.
but ill leave a memory,
oh so faint.
you’ll see sparks of certain memories that you may have never seen.
questioning reality
or a lucid dream.

you are a star,
one of many but your light stands apart.
you hold a beauty that this world has never seen.
you are the love that heals & mends the broken heart.
for every nightmare,
you are the sweetest dream.
the most fearless of fairies,
a balance of darkness and light.
you are a mixture of the seasons,
the most mystical sight.
you are essential to existence,
so divine,
so convincing.
a challenging goddess of the wise.
i see the fate of the world in your eyes.
you are destiny,
here in disguise.

remember yourself for all that you are,
a beautiful child of the cosmos,
filled with strong feminine energies that can change the world.
goddess of love, light & acceptance.
angelic force of peace.
wild, chaotic & creative.
vibrant & earthbound.
beautiful with a mind made of stars,
& a body of the universe.
you CONQUER!
young on the earth,
old in the galaxies.
living two worlds but separated by a shimmering veil.
aware.
always safe in the arms of yourself.
become who you are meant to be.
embrace your female energy.

as my old wounds are healing,
new wounds have opened up.
& i cannot help but feeling
like i am out of luck.
-
i am falling in the daze of skinny luv.

may we meet our hearts desires & make bonds we can’t forget,
may we conquer all obstacles, & live a life we won’t regret.
may we create a space that’s warm and safe for generations to come.
may we stop the madness,
dismiss the sadness,
may we all just live as one.

silly little girl,
thinking that someone could love you.
beyond all the slightly faded scars and battles that you went through.
silly little broken girl,
thinking someone will ever care.
they all just see a broken piece with loneliness so clear.
silly little broken girl.
just run away,
maybe you’ll find someone to love,
somewhere, someday.
don’t you stay,
they’ll never hear the things you say.
they’ll just trample you,
push you aside,
say that you’re not good enough.
they’ll say that you were fun to try,
maybe next time you’ll have better luck.

no need to prove your worth to the weak that cannot comprehend.
there’s no need to put up a wall,
there’s no need to pretend.
stand boldly in your truth,
stand strong and raise hell.
don’t you cry out for help.
don’t lose yourself.
-
don’t allow a love so shallow to try to drown you.
watch the people that are fake,
they’re all around you.
only the depth is profound,
a love that cannot be found.
it’s higher, in a new dimension,
i’ve been searching the ground.
-
if true love is what you seek,
you’ll find it at your lowest peak.
because those that love you when you’re weak,
are the ones you’ll want to keep.

you.
like an inconsistent phase.
you either love me timelessly
or leave me aching for days.

i do not see a sober day,
i cannot see what’s in my way.
i am on 10,
im out of space.
im not okay.
-
drugs drugs drugs
replace the feeling of needing to be
loved loved loved.
it is embarrassing to say i need a
hug hug hug
but im okay.
i don’t need anyone.

she’s too strong,
she’s too much,
she’s too tough to love.

she’s too hard,
she’s too broken,
she’s not enough.

she’s imperfect,
she’s wild,
she’s lost in the wind.
she’s insane,
sending signs of chaos from within.
-

silently fighting the demons from my past,
a constant fight in my mind,
a battle i can’t outlast.
it’s so amusing how hurt can hurt for so long.
how it has proven me weak,
even when i feel strong.