then
8:00 pm
It had been years
Years had passed since I had seen the boy
That I had almost forgotten

Something was different
Maybe it was him or maybe it was me
But this time
There was no forgetting

Going to sleep that night
I knew I wouldn't wake up alone-
Like all the times before him
I trusted him
And I don't trust anyone

time passes
9:00 am
I am not myself
My heart is heavy and I'm not sure why
It's been like this for days
I've* been like this for days

I was hurting him
Because the sadness I felt consumed me
I became an empty shell
I pushed him away
To save him from the mess that was me

As I refused
To let myself feel happy
He started to walk away
Someone else came along and
He left me

nye
Who remembers the time? We were drunk.
I'm doing better now
Alcohol and friendship helps with sadness
My phone goes off
It's him
My heart stops

He wants to meet
So we do
I've missed him, but I cannot show it
Because we were no longer an option

I **** up
Which is typical.. if you know me
I wish I would've just kissed him
What was I thinking
Now he hates me

now
1:00am
I've gained forgiveness
But I will never be
With the unforgettable boy
I've tried my hardest
And all I receive is friendship

I think he is better
Without me anyway
I am chaotic and toxic
Dragging him into that would be selfish

But I've never had anyone
Treat me like I was made of paper
I've never wanted to explain to someone
In everyway possible
How much they mean to me

soon
No time
We will stop talking
The books I write for you
Will stop filling your phone
But you will always be
The one who got away
And that will be the end of this beautiful tragedy

The black kettle is going off in the kitchen
I can't bare to get off the couch and open the swinging door
He won't be there
Sitting at the old, scuffed wooden table with a cup of coffee

There will be no unread newspaper sitting by the bread
I won't find a ***** dish in the sink to clean once he's gone for the day
The spot where his work boots once sat by the door looks bare
It even smells different

I know it hasn't been long
But I already miss the smell of tobacco and gasoline
I miss the clutter that filled my now organized nightstand
I miss the comfort of having someone sleep by my side

But I was never good to you
And you weren't good to me
You said you would never love again
So why am I still scared to go in the kitchen
While you're someone else's man

Creeping through the darkness
Fog fills my lungs and blurs my sight
My gaze sets on a blazing beast
Eyes cut through me like a sharpened knife
I tried to cast my hypnotic spell
Until his antlers pinned me down
Tore open my bleached skin and stained me wine
By dusk my head was dizzy and light
My vision doubled so I closed my eyes
My palms reached for my wounded limbs
Feeling empty that the pain had disappeared
One night is all he took under the almond tree
Then the Blazing Beast abandoned me

The thick amber bark held up the golden leaves to breath
Ribbons of light peek through the branches and onto the concrete
Putting one foot in front of the other I skip into what seemed like another world
The comfortable breeze blowing the strands of my hair into unnatural positions
A tune better than any I've heard before played in my ears
When I realized this was too good to be true

I took off my rose colored glasses to a sight I couldn't believe
A grey sky reflected shadows off of bloodless trees into shapes my mind couldn't fathom
The road was a dead end and my feet were rooted into the ground
The music stopped and the voices started
My voice ran dry and my screams were mute
This place was destroyed and there was no way to get out

I have so many emotions I need to express about you
But nothing I write is worthy enough
Perfection doesn't even skim the surface of what I think of you

I typically wander into the tropics of my skull
Where the need for adventure lies
And the thoughts that keep me alive are caged up
I hear if you stay away for the tropical parts of your mind
Your dome turns as thin and fragile as paper
And all the thoughts that keep you sane-- die

To the left was my mother
To the right was my father
Both turning as blue as the ice that lay beneath me
My vision goes black
When it comes back I see the white of my breath traveling above my nose
They were gone
Dust from ******* caught my lungs
My cough echoed into the dusk of winter
I pulled at my curls as I usually did
Little golden locks follow my white knuckles until they start to fall out
I had no idea what to do
Men in suits passed me as if I wasn't even there
I cried and cried for help but they didn't seem phased by my tears
I kissed mother and father goodbye on their pink frozen cheeks
The man yelling orders stood far away
I climbed over mountains of broken brick to reach the man in the uniform
Running right into the ironed crease of his khakis
I felt nothing
So I opened my squinted green eyes to see I had passed right through him
My family destroyed in the streets made it to the kingdom in the sky
& I was stuck in the middle yelling at men that couldn't even hear me cry

Maybe it's the way her monarch hair reflected sunlight
Fluttering as if it were really a butterfly
Or maybe the constellation of freckles that painted her ivory skin
Perhaps the larger figure
Or that one tooth that didn't quite sit right

But no amount of hair dye can make my hair fly
My body they call a canvas will never quite catch the sun's attention
The slimmer body I hold will never be as curvy
And the train tracks
They aligned my crooked smile that he always loved on her

Now we never speak of the girl that was best friends with the sun
We pretend she never existed to keep from fighting or crying
He says he loves me now more than he ever did before
And I believe him
But only because the sunkissed girl ran away

And I was all that was left