I awoke under a canopy
The vicinity was uncanny...
I remained inane, in need to retain the venues address,

I rolled off the bed,
Impeccable marble bruising my once undistorted mindset

I stumbled onto my feet noticing the luxuriant substances surrounding my loss of balance
Rootlessly searching from one room to another finding ones that only emulated the previous

An amorphous shadow appears before me
I immediately vilify the object

"Why are you holding me captive?"
I ask knowing I am no damsel in distress
Its stolid voice rejects the question's request of knowledge

Intelligence full of compunction fabricated by nadir of the time

I am lulled by the shadow's signs
I hope it will not be onerous to set aside the vestige of my frustration
Replacing it with prestige for the mysterious constrain of the situation

I annex the didactic without further noise
It has hushed me with persuasive manifestation of reasonless roaming
Until we reach a glass door

I assume it to open clearly, but to the touch I'm falling
Into distant realities

I come to realize I am standing on sand,
Observing the gray of the window to the soul of a moonlit stranger I will never know

Holding the hands of a madman whilst eyes of affection hold me

Runny noses and black roses
Unquestionable devotion
Unrequited notions

Filled to the brim with unfathomable emotion

A hoax intertwined with me screams
I bask in laughter
The demented bliss holds me

Bathing in remnants of of love that never could

Holds me unlike my belief you would
I crave affection, but
I was left in desolation with my diamond reflection

So when all my dust transforms to glittering gold
I want you to know:
I do not love you anymore.

I plucked you out of fear
I would never call you by possessive name

Crimson to black
My nose runs for all I will never get back

I hope this bird flies tonight
I crave love no more
My heart is empty

My dust is fools gold
What's over my rainbow?

"I love you, just go to sleep"
You **** my soul

I am not sorry... for saying so

Nothing will make the pain go away
I think it's time to move on
Yeah me too
Let's write a poem
Will do
It should be about the internal
What's going on inside?
Tell me what's in your head?
I don't know, there is a storm where everything is red
A storm?
Yeah it's made of sand and it twirls around
Like pretty sparkles on the ground?
No, it swirls and swirls all around me ...
And?
And it doesn't end you think it's fine but you don't understand
That sand is everything I've tried to avoid
Is the sand the void?
A void is not full and this is an occupied place
How so?
It fills me
Then how do you breathe?
I don't breathe I choke and I heave
Gasping for air?
The sand of despair?
Then an army appears
The ones that fight for hope?
The ones that watch me burn in smoke
This imagery is swallowing me
Yep so I keep on thinking I'll keep it to myself
People get tired of sadness wether from within or someone else
The army of bandits whispers beautiful things
But there must be treason set in place
Well of course what other way could it be
Your mind would never be complete without the demons guiding
The red sand blows and as you lie on the ground
The General takes his gun in his hand
He presses the barrel to my head
I think he will pull the trigger
I'll be dead?
Think of all the ****** red
As he squeezes the handle the pressure builds up
I ****** it away and do it myself
But nothing comes out
Over and over again in a never ending cycle I relive this
The death of hope
You let it all go and nothing happens
What's my reason to live?
The fear that consumes me and makes me paranoid like this
My mind is starving and soon I'll become bones
I lie about my mental state and everyone knows
I'm not in denial I know I need help
What prevents me from getting it?
The denial of someone else
The General who held the gun to my head
He said
"Though you think you are weak,
You are nothing near, and your disposition will change
I will place you in a new condition and I won't stop
Until the uncertainty makes your own hand attempt
To **** you again
And then you will know
Nothing ever truly dies
And the tears won't help
But you may still cry
And I think we both know that if you were truly weak
Your hopefulness would never plead
And you wouldn't be here living with me
Cause the bullet would fall through
In full head on collision with you"

A bubble inside,
Beauty of voids over scars,
Replaces my heart

'Cause that is the only thing that makes me happy
Besides everything else
In spite of me

I'm attracted to the things that hurt me the most
I love when the pain burns
Burns your memory into my mind

'Cause I forget everything
But I do not forgive enough

The boxes of ******* are piling up in
front of my door

I can not take anymore

Walking past the memorial that was
created while I was in a heap

Trapped in my own mind wishing
the one burning was me

How could I forget such a thing

That night I went back to sleep

So now I sing
but I am at a loss for words

All I hear is sirens
In the grand scheme of things
I have no control

Is that scary to you?
Am I afraid of me?

I am facing my ashes
Time passes
This is everlasting

but everything is temporary
None of it is real

And I feel it through the lost lullaby
the birds sing in the morning

'Cause these warnings
are the nightmares that will not let me sleep

These are the thoughts that imprison me
Late nights drinking coffee
I think back to the times I held my peace

I think back to the times
chicken nuggets were the only things
concerning my nose

****** Crossroads

No one knows I am stuck
in this lost lullaby

If you want me to love you...

Fly me into the sky

I'm just getting lost in your dark blue eyes

I resonate in the feeling knowing it's only for tonight.

The blue was the sorrow, and the sky was the hope in all that woe.

I can't flee from you
Feel free from you
Cutting up my knees
Frolicking through the trees
A grin crossed my face
I pirouetted with the sun
I appreciated the iota of things
I realized that to me beautiful was broken
I was a token of a messy art
I realized I was too fragile to remove the dart from my heart
It poisons me and the demons are raging
Plunged in mind
They'll only dream leaving me
I'm in a nightmare you call life
I call myself a ghost cause I've been drained of strength
I'm like noodles being strained
I told myself I'd try to be happy
But all I feel is pain
Tailspin met a whirlpool
The whirlpool met a bigger storm
The storm met the ocean
And I was borne