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You want me caged and collared, and I get it,
but such prisons work both ways
You see the wild animal in me?
Imagine it tearing you from the inside out
that’s every indecision, all of my mistakes
you call me dangerous, but there’s not much left
it’s more afraid of you - I’m more afraid of you
too busy attacking myself to bite you
you’re too busy hating yourself to blame anyone else
You have cycles? Well I have seasons
either way - who is the weak one, really?
Depression sessions in season, all sad Summer long!
(But you’re right - I am more dangerous)
I always was, you always knew it
I am broken/shattered/a thousand pieces,
broken pieces of a thousand broken mirrors
holding them so tight, blood leaking through my fingers
the sting, like all those times I bit my tongue
can’t trust my gut, because it always hurts
this sickness, for too long getting the best of me
clogging my arteries, raising the pressure
blogging my downfall, watching my balance crash
my mind getting slower, my memories fading
you can smell the desperate on my clothes
loneliness leaking, seeping out of my pores
my chest is burning up, head filled with pain
but just one more night, and I'll feel better
I’m fine, don’t look at me with those eyes

A picture that haunts my heart,
traps me ten years ago, five years ago,
a lifetime since,
but that life is over,
and you cant move on from it.
It was far from the life you wanted anyway, but you miss it, its not getting any better,
it only gets harder from here, most people just up the dose and read to the last page, like they didnt already know,
how it was gonna end, why bother
they just stopped writing halfway through.
I feel like I'm still in the prologue, afraid thats all I'll ever write that makes sense.

These are the events that occurred on October 2nd, 2015
these are the facts, the series of events from start to finish
sadly, it's my fault... she's just another excuse
love is meaningless without a hurt to give it life
without the pain of their absence, the sting of watching them go
she draws analogies to a virus I once had
she reopened the injuries of one before her
one that I blamed for too many of my disabilities
but let's stop there, another confession for another time
let's get back to this one
stay with me... I know it's a lot to take in

Well, it was my birthday, and I knew I'd be miserable
so I planned accordingly, what happened happened
I didn't know what to expect, so I expected the worst
something felt off that evening, we both felt it
sadly no one else did, they let us suffer
hell, they couldn't even remember my ******* birthday
what a moment, what a memory to share
when those whom you believe in most, stop believing in you
so I stumbled out without saying a word of goodbye
out into the night of my birth, wanting to die
then the phone rang, as it always did in my worst moments
but it wasn't them, it was you
seriously? did your ****-His-Life-Again radar just start pinging?
the most twisted thing, is she's not nearly as evil as she leads on
it's 70% *******, and I always knew it, its part of what I liked about her
she was covering up as much as I was, it was a secret that bonded and broke us
we were both ****** up, but for different reasons

Behind the scenes, the young damaged darling crept out
along came a spider, crawled up inside her, now her heart was a festering wound
try as I may I could never stop the bleeding
and the pain only numbs when she's hurting someone else
I was a closet *******, so we fit really well... at first
but I got tired of palming a blade in bed so, you know
I must've been pretty out of it for you to talk me into it
not the first time, not the last time either, just easier to forget
I had escaped you, I was free of your grasp
had moved on, found someone better for me
someone who didn't try to make me into something else
you never knew how to take no for an answer
once you smelled the blood on my tongue...
TRUST, you don't need to remind me of all the mistakes
I'm very aware of everyone you know about, and everyone you don't
but to taste you again, feel you again,
to feel what I once felt before
I was weak, and I wanted, I wanted to... Feel
we picked up right where we always left off, naked and angry
it was through you I learned the difference between *******, and making love
where I learned the difference between love and... whatever we were
I spent more time naked with you than any other person in my life
and not just the **** times
I shared everything with you, things I couldn't afford to give away
so EXCUSE ME if it's a little difficult to get over it
not that I'm not the guilty party here, but accessory much?
so once again you got the best of me
so good ******* riddance, pardon my bitterness
because I haven't found anyone better since
and it's starting to worry me that I never will
I guess that's the price of vengeance - a whole lot of anger, a whole lot of nothing
you were my most heartbreaking fourth quarter
and my heart breaks, because you won't say anything
I was a quick fix, an asset
and you'd just wipe away the blood, and walk away,
pretend it never happened
yet your name's still tattooed on my shoulder
I'll always love her, and I'll always hate her for that
and with that, another chapter closes, yet no end in sight.

you know what's ****** up? My mom reads these...

If god is in LA, he’s on Skid Row
Not the Hills, or Santa Monica, not the Valley either
He’s not hanging from the rear view of your six figure transport
Tell me again how that Jesus piece got you that Rolls Royce
Like it was piety that gave you fame and fortune
Confess your sinless life if he has already given you everything
Was that why last year happened? And the year before?
Instead of saving the world he was helping you climb the ladder?
He can’t feed starving countries, but he grants you immortality?
Most people of the world **** in a bucket
But somehow you heard his voice before them
You needed God to tell you how to be a better person?
Had to read his words to learn right from wrong?
Like, it wasn’t obvious already?
I’ve read the words of God, in many languages
I know more about your God than you do
If he’s more focused on enriching your life
Maybe that’s why this place is so damaged
If he’s in this world, he’s got bigger concern than your millions
If he spends more time with you than those who suffer
Than God is not a very good one
And if your car costs more than a house
Than you’re not a very good believer

I was just writing about you,
So it feels like I just saw you
It's been years, I know
But when I think about you
Remember our better days
It doesn’t seem like forever
I often talk to you
Late at night in the dark
You had better places to be
At least that’s what I tell myself
So you don’t seem so far away
Pretend you’ll be here tomorrow
To forget that you’re long gone
When I share our memories
I make you out to be the hero
Because that’s what you were to me
Maybe you know, or you never will
I just hope you’re okay with it.