Our relationship, our rendezvous, began more innocent than most,
We were teenagers, we were harmless, nothing sinister about us
Just looking for a way to break the boredom
It began before we were capable of such sinister selfish thought
Before she was looking for something more dangerous
Before I was looking for another easy exit
There were moments where my intentions were less than honorable
Yet little ever came from it
Even then I understood control, understood direction
Our would be sins were regrettable, never forgettable
I warned you from the beginning, I was something a little different
A troubled boy with a troubled past,
A damaged heart, leftover by a damaged girl
She was the love I should’ve realized when I still had a heart
When I still had love to give
I thought I was still salvageable
But I didn’t hide the damage
I plainly stated “Heavily used and abused, 50 % off”
And I read her clearly the disclaimer across my chest
“Sunshine, I’m the thunderstorm here to rain on your parade,
Babygirl, I’m the kind of boy you need to be afraid of
I’m the devil in wolf’s clothing
Run before I sink my teeth in, and bleed your neck dry
But she had a storm of her own
And she swept me up like a hurricane
And when her eyes met mine, I swear lightning struck
Your kiss like a rogue wave, your heart like thunder
The rain on the window, your head on my shoulder
And then we Titanic’d the windows
We sauna’d the backseats  
We did it, with a capital DID IT
She wrapped her arms around me
And my wooden heart started to crack
And I even started to feel human again
She’d hug me, and I thought I’d might feel sane again
But I wasn’t okay, and it was obvious
Suffering from Post Traumatic Love Disorder
Yeah it’s ******* cheesy, but I like how it sounded
And I was fishing for an excuse
Hunting for an excuse to blame you for her sins
Because when you’re sick, you pass it on
You don’t mean or want to, but misery loves company
I started pointing fingers, and laying blame wherever you walked
I made it hard to love me, hard to like me
One day you had enough and politely screamed “Why…”
I replied “Because I hold grudges, and I don’t care,”
After a few weeks, neither did you
Your bad habits would stink up your bedroom, and mine
You gave me the rope to hang us both
I had all the evidence to execute us
I branded you a witch and me a demon
And burned us both
I left you to rot, and for that I will never forgive us
The pain I know you feel makes me scream and cry
Wish I could take it all, if only to see you smile
I hate myself for leaving, because we’ll never be the same
How dare I leave when I had so much left to say
If being me is such a crime, you never told me
I never asked to be this lonely
But I did force you out
Our failure is my fault only
Now when I’m with her, I think of you
And I hate you for that
You never gave me a chance t be better than him
You never gave me a chance to be good enough
One chance could have been enough
You could have been my everything
I would have given you everything
Now to humble me,
I am forced to witness an eternal insult
A most beautiful, ****, powerful woman
Who could have been a queen
Forever betrothed to a fool.
Now, my heart only beats for war
Like when I burned our castle down

It was a summer of mad mistakes and river crossings
Still young enough to not care about our futures
Yet old enough to know who to blame for our failures
Reckless birthdays, lethal college incursions, weekend exclusives
We stopped searching for answers and began hunting for prizes
In the midst of another wrestling match with the establishment,
We found ourselves stranded out in the heat of summer
And a familiar voice called out from the past
My name echoed across the humidity
I noticed her long legs before anything else, they were hard to miss
Her blond hair shimmered in the tiki torches, her eyes wrapped in black
It was an unexpected reunion, and we did not complain
A plot twist I never imagined, but welcomed with open arms
The kind of surprise I was excited to be surprised about, and I hate surprises
A turn that makes a bad movie suddenly interesting
An antagonist from the first Act, who returns from the dead to help the good guys
She was the punch line to a night of glorious mistakes
The cherry on top… and on bottom (we were both flexible in terms of analogies)
As were we passionate, and in need of something romantic, and *****
And it worked in both of our favors, and we took advantage of each other’s position
And it was glorious. We were glorious
It was a time when I was lonely enough to look for answers, but not so lonely
that I would lock my years away in solitude yet. Opportunity was still on my side  
I was still young enough to hope for the future
She was on a vendetta for a reason why her last relationship ended so badly
Looking for someone other than herself to blame,
To take the rage out on another unsuspecting body
And I was always looking for the next fight
And thus we both played ******* for the first hour or so
Followed by a game of “Hard-to-get” the next
By the third hour the liquid courage had peeled back some of our layers,
And we started to open up, recapping the gap in years since we last had saw each other
Turned out, our paths were more parallel than we’d thought
We were holding similar pains behind our bad boy and girl personas
I was amazed to find beneath it all the same girl I remembered last
Still a good girl despite all she’d been through, still an angel despite her horns
And she smiled when she realized despite all my misfortunes,
There was still a bit of the little wanna be bad boy from our teenage rebellions
We were still the ones we were into so many years ago
It scared us I think, because the next hour was spent on opposite sides of the front yard
There was fear in both our eyes, we were revealing too much way too early
Suddenly the walls went up, we both began to stutter even the easiest words
Pretending we weren’t constantly looking over our shoulders at each other
I was into her more than ever, and all I wanted was to tell her
But now I was afraid to say anything to her, terrified I’d scare her away
I’d rather wonder what if then hate myself for blowing it
But every minute I checked to see if she was still alone

When I saw her sitting cross legged on the driveway,
I knew I it was time to confess to her
So I approached as honestly as I could, and she knew I wasn’t playing with her
When she asked to share a smoke, I knew it was certain
I sat across from her the same way, and the game began
It was equal parts flirting and insulting, poking and prodding for any falsehoods
And the harder we looked, the harder we fell
We were suddenly lost, and for the first and only time,
It felt like freedom. The chemical madness overcame us, and set us free
Gods didn’t have such freedom
We could feel the eyes upon us, we were the secret attraction of the night
It made it even more devious, and we played to their jealousy
Let them watch, let them burn with envy at the two star crossed lovers in the driveway
We had been making out so long, we hadn’t noticed our audience had disappeared
Those who didn’t leave or go to sleep had made their way to the backyard
We could hear laughter… and splashing?
“Are they ******* swimming right now?”
We slipped through the gate to find a testosterone fest beneath the water
Obviously we weren’t gonna let them have all the fun, so we stripped down and dove in
And were greeted with a rather awkward situation
One of the boys noticed our swim suits with disappointment
“Wait, do you guys still have clothes on?”
“… You don’t?”
We were bold, but we hadn’t prepared for that
We politely refused, we had our own game to play
Still we joined in the tidal wave contest amongst one another
Splashing like children at summer camp
One by one the boys surrendered to their exhaustion
Until we were all alone
Suddenly I noticed she looked even better without her clothes
She was wearing all black lace, like the liner around her eyes
Which were daring me to make a move
I pulled her close and she pulled at my boxers
And we both smiled like criminals after a bank heist…

Gynecologist Warning: *** in the pool is dangerous and increases the risks of contracting an STD, as well as potentially damaging the walls of the reproductive organs

The dance is more fun when it’s dangerous… but that’s just my opinion.
Plus it was her idea, and it was pretty awesome
It wasn’t my first rodeo underwater, but it was certainly the best
Particularly when it’s not your pool…
Our only regret was probably that we should’ve started about an hour or so earlier
*** in the pool at night is exciting… *** in the pool at sunrise is asking for it
*** outdoors can go from romantic to perverse once the lights are turned on
And the neighbors would never forgive us if we were the sugar to their morning coffee
So we bolted for the back door, leaving our undergarments behind in the pool
We found an open couch in the abandoned basement, and threw a blanket over each other
We only stopped laughing to kiss again, and our hands refused to let go
It was like we forgot we were naked in someone else’s home
Or knew **** well, and were turned on even more because of it
Nothing mattered beyond the blankets
Nothing mattered but her smile and mine
And everything beneath them
I don’t know when we finally quit, but it was long after the sun had risen
And only after we were too exhausted to kiss any longer
I woke up alone, bare as Adam beneath the covers
Exhausted and exposed, yet nothing close to loneliness
For a moment I felt like a king in a conquered land
I laid back with my arms behind my head
And exhaled with a satisfaction I hadn’t felt in forever
And then the nearest door creaked open,
And the matron of the house entered my throne…
The blanket did little to hide my terror
And the realization of my exposed predicament
“Oh! Morning Karl, would you like some breakfast?”

Let the record stand I wanted only happiness.
I dreamed of a job I could enjoy
A lovely woman to warm my bed and heart
And a circle of family and friends to laugh and confide with
THAT IS ******* IT
And every time I had even a taste of that life
Or even one of those wishes
I was set
I was happier than the richest of the rich
And every time I felt complete
Something was taken from me
Something was ripped from my grasp
And in front of my face
It was dragged away
I dare anyone call me bitter, or selfish
After everything that’s happened
Call me petty
Call me ungrateful
(If I’m selfish, what does that make you?)
I assure you, I don’t enjoy hating myself
There is some evil I deserve I’m sure, but this is ridiculous
Lucky for me, I’m running out of things to lose
The more I try to do things right,
The more they go wrong
I know I’m to blame for most of my setbacks
But I’ll be god ****** if you try to tell me
It’s my fault every time life threw me a pile of ****
And dares me to walk through it
There’s no way you can say every hardship
Every godlike punishment
Every painful wild card
Can somehow be traced to something I did, or didn’t do
I ain’t buying it
And I’ll be god ******
If I’m gonna beg for anyone else’s attention or love again
I just don’t have it in me anymore
Why is every choice I make the wrong one?
If I seem distant
It’s because too much has been pulled from me
By too many who didn’t deserve or appreciate it
What’s left is hidden deep
Locked far, far away.
In fact I’ve hidden it so well
I forgot where I put it
I’d love to shake this angst away
But I’m afraid if I pulled it off now
My skin would go with it
It is what it is, loneliness is a *******
It’s getting harder and harder to hide it
Tell me I’m not lonely, and I’ll tell you a better lie
(Tell me it gets better, even if it is a lie)

Let’s start with how beautiful you are
You’re a firecracker strapped to a bottle rocket,
Tied to a battle axe, wrapped in lace *******
I want you. I wanted you last year.
When I see you, my tongue gets lost in my throat
My hands forget which one’s left,
My body goes limp, and whatever I’m doing
Becomes a mistake
You’re a margarita on a beautiful beach mid morning
With three days off, and the smell of barbecue in the air
You’re a chocolate covered strawberry served with cold egg nog
Next to a warm fire at Christmas
And I am a wreck
I’m a car wreck, baby
You should just drive around,
and let the paramedics sort my insides out
when my heart broke, it shattered like a car window
into a thousand pieces in every direction
and there I let the pieces stay
and we’ve only begun to see the damage
if there’s anything left, I’d give it to you
but I can’t promise there’s anything worth saving
this all started before you
I don’t even know if it can be fixed
I don’t even know if I can salvage
You need something more intact
My last driver was a little reckless
Drove it like she stole it
Drove it like she planned to crash it
Like she planned to die along with it
And between her and some others,
I’m afraid I’m a little spent
And may need some time to mend
You’ve got promise, you’ve got plans
There’s nothing but carnage down my road
I’d only end up damaging you too
Like most of the people who’ve tried before you
This isn’t easy to say, it’s not smart or manly
I want you more than you want me
I’ll regret this for a long time
Hate myself for even longer
But I’d rather run and wonder
Than hurt you. And hate myself even more
The fact that I’m writing this at all is all the proof you need
To know I don’t deserve you, and you’re better off without me
I just really need some time alone.

Your smile, sweet flowers
Electric eyes, a girly smile
Curves for days, sass all night
Dancing to the mariachis
Laughing like there’s no tomorrow
Chasing the children chasing each other
Staring at each other from across the room
Smiling every time
We saw the future together
I wanted it today
You always looked at me different
I always made you laugh
We’d always talk ****, hiding our real intentions
So our eyes did the talking
Wishing our hands could do the dancing
So we waited
We were still young and stupid
Yet we learned so much
But when we couldn’t hide it anymore
Others began to notice
The games became the only game
We were not playing it right
We were from different worlds
From different lives
But we didn’t care
At least, I didn’t
We were warned and threatened
But it was too late
Soon the night was our dance floor
We loved and sang as one
But always in secret
Sometimes, that made it sweeter
Made it more dangerous
Added to our fun
The forbidden made it all the more passionate
And each night when we said goodbye
We kissed at laughed, children committing their first crimes
Runaways clinging to love
But it wasn’t love, you said
Our future can never be
Our families would wage war, our friends would rise up
You’re too you, I’m too me
Our worlds would never embrace, only collide
I’d bite my tongue, pretend not to be hurt
Because I still had you, thought time was on my side
How foolish
All good things end
All great things are torn away
Your brothers threatened violence
Your mother threatened banishment
“He’s not like us”
It was more than fun to me, more than just an adventure
It wasn’t easy for you either,
You just pretended to be stronger
“This isn’t really love”
Speak for yourself.

I knew she was out of my league
She was on another level
She was on another wavelength
I was Pony league, she was pro
I was amateur, she was celebrity
She was better looking, more experienced
She was more woman than I was man
She was a ghetto goddess
I was a dork
She was used to guys who beat up guys like me
I was used to girls who wore pink nail polish
The thought of even knowing her never even crossed my mind
Like it was even possible
Yet there we were, alone together,
In a ****** room at a ****** party,
And you thought I was just cute enough
You gave me your number, then demanded mine
This chick made me wish I was anyone but me
Someone more badass, more debonair
She was everything intimidating,
Too much woman for most men, more manly than some men
And for some reason, she wanted me
Our first date, her choice – a pool hall.
She schooled me on the man’s game
Our second date, her choice – Six Flags.
She only wanted to try the scary rides
Each date made me feel less worthy
Yet still she wanted me
Our third date was at her mother’s house
She made me dinner
She made me pasta, my favorite
And then we went to the bassment for a game of pool
Because she was that badass
Halfway into the game. She learned her mother would be gone for the night
So she grabbed a Billy Idol record, and started “Rebel Yell”
Like it was her anthem
As it began to play she said,
“If you can’t make this ******* needle skip, you ain’t hitting it right”
And she took off her shirt
And I almost cried with delight
No one had ever talked ***** to me before
Only in ****** had I seen such scenes like this
Now I was in one
And it was loud and rough, and wet and wild,
It was dangerous, it was merciless
It was a boy’s dream, it was a man’s heaven
Round One was on the pool table
We ripped the clothing from out bodies
Stripes and solids bounced off the floor
Tongues and arms spread across the table
She was a loud lover, and I loved it
Her legs wrapped around my neck
Her hands clinging to the pockets
Like I was the hero in an action film
Breaking the rules, banging the hottest woman
I was a seventeen year old MAN
(Oh and old Billy didn’t make it to the second chorus,
I made that needle skip)
Round Two was in her bedroom
She changed uniforms, into a pink lace shirt
That neither covered up, nor hid anything
Instead, it somehow made her even sexier
And the battle raged on
Into the night, and the morning beyond
The bed was soaked and stained
She flopped on top of me  with a slap of our sweaty skin
And I wore her like a trophy
As we both gasped for air,
I stuttered, “ I could get use to nights like this…”
And she turned to me, and we locked eyes,
“Nah, you’re not angry enough in bed for me.”
“I didn’t know we were suppose to be angry in bed.”
“Yeah, that’s why I usually date older guys...
They’re much more violent in bed… but this was okay.”
You know what’s worst than a bad *****?
A good ***** with a bad ending.