I knew she was out of my league
She was on another level
She was on another wavelength
I was Pony league, she was pro
I was amateur, she was celebrity
She was better looking, more experienced
She was more woman than I was man
She was a ghetto goddess
I was a dork
She was used to guys who beat up guys like me
I was used to girls who wore pink nail polish
The thought of even knowing her never even crossed my mind
Like it was even possible
Yet there we were, alone together,
In a ****** room at a ****** party,
And you thought I was just cute enough
You gave me your number, then demanded mine
This chick made me wish I was anyone but me
Someone more badass, more debonair
She was everything intimidating,
Too much woman for most men, more manly than some men
And for some reason, she wanted me
Our first date, her choice – a pool hall.
She schooled me on the man’s game
Our second date, her choice – Six Flags.
She only wanted to try the scary rides
Each date made me feel less worthy
Yet still she wanted me
Our third date was at her mother’s house
She made me dinner
She made me pasta, my favorite
And then we went to the bassment for a game of pool
Because she was that badass
Halfway into the game. She learned her mother would be gone for the night
So she grabbed a Billy Idol record, and started “Rebel Yell”
Like it was her anthem
As it began to play she said,
“If you can’t make this ******* needle skip, you ain’t hitting it right”
And she took off her shirt
And I almost cried with delight
No one had ever talked ***** to me before
Only in ****** had I seen such scenes like this
Now I was in one
And it was loud and rough, and wet and wild,
It was dangerous, it was merciless
It was a boy’s dream, it was a man’s heaven
Round One was on the pool table
We ripped the clothing from out bodies
Stripes and solids bounced off the floor
Tongues and arms spread across the table
She was a loud lover, and I loved it
Her legs wrapped around my neck
Her hands clinging to the pockets
Like I was the hero in an action film
Breaking the rules, banging the hottest woman
I was a seventeen year old MAN
(Oh and old Billy didn’t make it to the second chorus,
I made that needle skip)
Round Two was in her bedroom
She changed uniforms, into a pink lace shirt
That neither covered up, nor hid anything
Instead, it somehow made her even sexier
And the battle raged on
Into the night, and the morning beyond
The bed was soaked and stained
She flopped on top of me  with a slap of our sweaty skin
And I wore her like a trophy
As we both gasped for air,
I stuttered, “ I could get use to nights like this…”
And she turned to me, and we locked eyes,
“Nah, you’re not angry enough in bed for me.”
“I didn’t know we were suppose to be angry in bed.”
“Yeah, that’s why I usually date older guys...
They’re much more violent in bed… but this was okay.”
You know what’s worst than a bad *****?
A good ***** with a bad ending.

Why?
Why am I?
Why am I here?
Why am I here today?
Why am I here today when so many are not?
Why am I here today when so many far greater than me are not?
Why am I here today, when so many of the people are care about, so far away from me, are in a great moment of peril, and I'm not able to help them?
Why am I here today, when so many of the people I care about leave me to my own demise, telling me to grow up when I'm so far away from everything that makes me who I am, telling me I'm not able top help them, and therefore should not bother?
Why do I bother when the people I care about tell me to grow up?
Why do I bother?
Why bother?

It's okay, I'm suppose to look like Hell,
been sweating out this poison for a couple days
but I have to fight these Phantoms
I'm tired of waking up in pain
Sick of not knowing who I am
I've been here far too many times
running in circles for far too many years
running from every single tear
But I shall run no more.
And if I must, only towards it, not from
No more confessions, only promises
No more apologies, only solutions
no more excuses, only me.
I know, I know, I know
I've said this all before
again, and again,
My empty pledges never get old
only my body and soul do
But don't give up on me
I've been through worse, you know
somehow, I'm still here
and that means something to me
there's something left for me to do
and I need you to be here to see it
So I'll take it slow
Day by day
One breath,
One prayer at a time,
learn from my mistakes,
learn from your lessons,
I know this ride ain't over yet
and so much is left to learn from
But we're getting there
we're moving forward
one day at a time
one right at a time
I'm not where I thought I'd be
It's not where you should be
But it's a step in the right direction
And I don't have to tell you,
That's a better place than I've been in years.

The lights are sharp but dim
The music loud but soothing
I escape to the darkness inside
To yesterday and the day before
I escape to her
She was mine but a memory ago
I smell her perfume
She moves like an enchantress
Her body hypnotic
I smell her sweat
I want a taste
Her eyes glow in the dark
They hide a darkness
She dances to forget
I watch her to remember
I’m not good enough anymore
I creep her out
At least that’s what it feels like
I watch her from the shadows
Pretend she doesn’t make me quiver
Pretend I don’t worship her at night
Every perfect piece of her
Her perfect everything
Perfect for me
I wanna do it like they do in the movies
Covered in sweat and candle wax
Surrounded by music
There’s plenty of other women I want
She’s just at the top of the list
She’s dangerous and crazy
She’s broken like me
My muse for my ***** thoughts
But she doesn’t want to come back
She’s not ready to feel again
I fear I’m the only one crazy enough to try
So I have to play along
And not let it tear me apart
Easier said than done
Easier had than loved.

I pulled myself from the gallows, don’t you ever forget
I pulled myself from the grave, even if I dug it in the first place
What demons I couldn’t pull from my chest,
I choked with a leash until they became mine
No, I’m no demon, but I’ll be ****** if I’m pulled beneath the ground again
And if I must stay alive and be ******, well, we all make sacrifices
And sometimes that means yourself
If I must live scarred, it will be my own wounds from here on out
I bled too much for others, paid for too many of their sins
Now I only bleed for those who did for me
It’s a dangerous pact, but rightfully so,
In a world so infested with back stabbers, face crawlers, and pirates
“Them’s fightin’ words!”
Well I rehearsed it the other way a thousand ways,
And they booed me off the stage for being too “nice”
Thus Frankenstein rises again
the Fourth Act of the living dead
A chorus of dead organs with the brain of a monster
With only a gifted few who know the tune to his heart
Hold your love close, cover it in cold iron
All I ever wanted was to be a lover
But you’ve never let me stop fighting
Long enough to heal my face, or ice my knuckles
One battle after another, sometimes simply to stay alive
And no fight was ever good enough
No amount of blood enough to allow peaceful passage
No amount of tragedy enough for a break
So now I’m most at peace, when the battle rages around me
Well fine, let the drums sound and the bells chime
I’m better when I’m unhappy, it’s welcoming
Tragedy comforting like a warm blanket
My blood boils at the sight of danger
My brain runs on auto pilot when **** hits the fan
I guess I’m just happier when I’m angry
That’s not unhealthy is it?
When I die, will they say “He died unhappy and thus,
He died doing what he loved”?
Nah, they’ll just make my end a tragedy too.
Say they did everything they could
Or he was a monster, not much left of him
Or that they never saw it coming.
That I was the one that didn’t belong
Maybe I never wanted to.
I sure as Hell don't now.

“I’m sorry I called you that. No, I wasn’t thinking about him, stop over thinking it, it’s not all about you!”

2. “Stop it! You’re stretching me out! Yes, I said, ‘get angry’, but not that angry!”

3. “I was caught up in the moment, things got weird… what do you want me to do, apologize?”

4. “Oh ****! You need to go, my husband’s coming home!”

5. “Okay, so now that we got that out of the way, I don’t think we should see each other anymore. I mean, the *** is great, but you’re just not that stable… yeah, that’s why I did it, I thought you were cheating too.”

6. {Laughter}

7. {Silence}

8. “Are you done?”

9. “Well at least that wasn’t weird. No, it’s not that you, I just, you know, heard things. I know I asked you to do it, but I didn’t mean it, that was just ***** talk.”

10. “I love you.”