“So Kiss Me”**

down by the raging river
under the shady tree
in the middle of the day
            kiss me
under the silver moon light
with fire flies glowing
and dreams dancing
along the milky night
           kiss me
oh oh be my sparkling
forever, whispering sweetly
your lips tasting me
like it was our first
          kiss me
swing swing me into your
guitar-scape melodies
out on the valley green
yellow and wildflower blue
          kiss me
“so kiss me”.... “so kiss me”
more and more
kiss me

Aztec Warrior/redzone 6.24.16
Note: the title of the song by Katie Melua

I'm with drawling from Coke
And you
My heart has knives stabbing through it from every possible angle somewhat resembling multiple isosceles triangles
My body shakes at-7 degrees fahrenheit
My stomach has a feeling like cockroaches and worms are crawling around, playing tennis in my intestines.
I think that sleep deprivation is what has caused me to dream about you while I'm awake
I vomited up blue emotions along with green bile because I haven't eaten in three days
I'm SORRY I blacked out and opened my wrist to a gaping cut
I guess that all the blood was meant to full force me back to reality
The Reality that your gone
I promise I want to live but it's hard when all it has been doing is raining inside my brain
I bite my finger nails and spit out anxiety
I need help before I shrink down into what he made me feel

We're kissing in cars
We must be Five feet away in public places
Stop it!
You can't make eye contact
They will know you love each other
Flirt with that boy Infront of him  
Go home
Now cry, cry , cry , cry
***** at 12:00 am
Try to go to sleep
Cut at 3:00 am
Stop NOW
Stare at the ceiling
Or the blood dripping
Cigarette at 5:00 am
I don't want to love you
7:00 am get ready for school
get out of bed
get dressed, brush hair
brush teeth
Drive yourself to school
D.Q: how do you stop loving someone?

Smoking a cigarette,
With my knees touching the ocean's edge;
A display of life and death-
The shortness of my breath,
Over the vastness of the ocean

All at once
The world seems
So small,
Captured in the filter
Between my finger tips,
And yet,
So big,
I can't imagine
All of the people
Looking into
The same sea as me

That's how it felt to
Fall in love with the right person
At the wrong time

Like certain death
And endless potential
Without gravity,
And anchored to the ground
In the same night

Like roaming aimlessly,
The entire universe
In front of me,
But hitting a brick wall
Before I even got
To see the sun set

I can't tell anymore
What was real
And what was hopeful,
If we are star crossed lovers,
Or two depressed kids
Who couldn't hold it together,
Not even for each other

Is there more to this than
You've let yourself believe?
Or, are you right?
Was it just wrong?
Does the space between us
Even need to exist
To keep us apart,
Or would we be in separate beds
Anyway?

Often these days, I am convinced that I’m crazy. As crazy as my mother, whose fear of loneliness caused her to transform from her fiery, beautiful self into a demon.  As crazy as a storm that in its chaos rips the roots of trees from the ground and destroys the home of families and sometimes families themselves.
I have the dark and light on both shoulders, my inner devil and inner angel. The devil me, with her knotted hair and ***** snarl, whispers words of suspicion and anger, constantly aiming to manipulate and self-destruct. Then there is the angel me, with bright green-blue eyes and perfect white teeth, whispering soothing reminders of beautiful memories and quiet thanks.
We all, every one of us, have our own devil and angel. Why is it that we allow this devil to exist within us, and allow our angel to be thrown to the side? Sometimes our angel wins yes, but still… until one side or the other wins, we Allow a part of us to Want to self-destruct and cause continual suffering. Why is this?