Baby, I'd carry you in my arms.
Take you to a place where there's no harm.
No words that burn. No looks that ****.
Just you and I and this love we share.

Baby, I know things are not easy.
Getting harder everyday you grow hopeless,
but, baby, trust me when I say there's so much more of life you have yet to see.
Please let me be the one to show it all to you.
Please, don't give up hope.
If you do, I'll do too
for my hope is you.
My happiness is you.
My life is you.

Get back on your feet, as weak as they feel.
You can still stand, baby. Never surrender the fight.
As tough as it may be I'll always be with you
to help you get up,
to prevent you from going down,
to fight by your side until we win,
because I know we will.

I'll never let you hit the ground.
No! Not even once.
I'll be the extra strength you need
if you can't find it in your heart.

So trust me, baby. We can do this together.
I'm always by your side,
and, even when you're too weak to stand,
I'll carry you in my arms.

Sitting here in this prison I built,
cold and lonely, I cry for help
for I lost the only key I had to get out.

I'm trapped.
Trapped within myself.
Unable to see the outside world
no one can hear my screams.
They bounce from wall to wall
echoing through the room.

Haunting me.

Taunting me.

The walls are closing in.
My breath is short. Almost gone.
My mind is free.
Free to lurk in my own dark
finding my demons on the way.

My body's weak from starvation.
My will is broken from the cruelty of it all.
My voice can't produce any sound from all the cries for help unanswered.
I'm destined to die here.

Cold.

Lonely.

Weak.

Forsaken.

No one will miss me.

With my last breath I whisper goodbye to this room which ultimately became
my home.

I lay on my hospital bed,
waiting for the anesthesia to kick in.
Feeling dizzy. Turning sleepy.
There's no one there to hold my hand.

The nurses looking at me,
waiting to start the procedure.
Looking tired. Pacing quiet.
My body starts to go numb.

I will soon be out of this world,
at least for a few hours.
Running free. Feel no pain.
My eyes start to lose reality.

I wish I could stay numb
until I have to sleep forever.
Have no fear. Living strong.
So please, Mr. surgeon, leave the anesthesia on.

Everyday, when going to school, I always sat behind you on the bus.
I could hear what you talked about with Megan (boys, pop stars, glitter and pink... you know, that kind of things).
I would listen to know what to talk about with you, what you liked, so you could like me back. Oh, how I liked you.
I really liked you, and, even though we were young (13 to be exact), I knew you were the one.

Years went by. We grew up. You got even more beautiful while I got... well, not better.
Guys would follow you around everywhere you went. How I wish they all disapeared.
I was still too shy to tell you, to let you know what I had been feeling for years, since we first met. And one day I did.
I put on my nicest clothes to school. I put cologne on. I even got you a bouquet of roses, and I went to school convinced to tell you what I felt for you.
Much to my surprise you told me these exact words: "I've been waiting for you to tell me this for years. What took you so long?".
I couldn't believe my ears.
The most popular girl in school, the prettiest, was telling ME that she liked ME back.
I mumbled. I stuttered. I choked on my own words.
Luckily you knew what to do.
You leaned over to me, and kissed me, with those sweet, smooth lips of yours. I was in heaven.
A kiss so warm, so passionate, so full of love. I could never forget that kiss.
So we started going out. We would go to the movies, to the mall, for a cup of coffee or for a nice ice cream.
We didn't care where we were as long as we were with each other. We were happy... oh, so happy.
Until that fateful day.
You were over at Megan's. I was with my friends.
My phone rang, and I picked up just to hear your voice, that sweet, comforting voice I've always liked, turned into an awful, saddened weep.
You kept repeating "I'm so sorry.". I asked what was wrong, but you'd only say "I really am so sorry.". Then you hung up.
I drove over to Megan's, but you were already gone.
You left a message for me with Megan though. "She said to leave her alone. Don't call her. Don't look for her. Don't even talk to her in school."
I was devastated.

Not sure of what was going on I went to your place, and there you were, crying... in his arms.
I should have known from the way you smelled like him. The way you were away when I talked to you.

I rang the bell. When the door opened it wasn't you but him.
I said "Hi. Is Amanda home?", and proceeded to break his nose.
He threw a punch at me, and missed.
I hit him hard in the stomach, and then his head. Out cold... and bleeding.
You were screaming. Panicking.
I walked up to you while you walked away from me.
You eventually got cornered up, and sat on the floor crying, asking "What do you want?".
I crouched, and asked "So, is he a good guy? Does he know how to treat such a treat like you? Is he better than me?"
No response. Only weeping.
I got up, and headed to the door.
He was still waiting for me there, laying out cold on the floor.
He was so vulnerable, so I kicked him in the head. I kicked him so hard his spine actually snapped. He sacrificed himself for love.
I turned around to see you shocked. Horror flooded your eyes.
You were shaky, you couldn't stand, you couldn't speak. You were lost in the situation.
I walked up to you again. This time you did get to say, or actually, scream "Get away from me!".
"Ohh, but I only want to comfort you for your loss. This must be a great hit for you." I said as I wrapped my arms around your neck, and hugged you.
You fainted.

When you woke up, here you were, in my house.
You said you had made a terrible mistake. That I was, and would always be, the only one for you.
I forgave you immediately. You know I just can't live without you.
And so here we are, still together.
We've been through the worst, and now we've only got our love to live because I'd love you even after you're gone.
You'll always be with me.
When I kiss your dry lips. When I touch your cold skin. When I see into your empty eyes I know I will never have to kiss you goodbye.

Jennifer.
My sweet obsession.
My love impossible.
My gorgeous, little sin.

I see you every day and night.
I'm sure not to miss a thing.
I'd give up all the money I have
to be with you, my dear.

I see you every day and night,
but you sure can't see me.
I wish we could meet some other way
other than this cold screen.

I see what you do all day long.
I hear your sweet voice fade slowly away.
I know what you like. I know what you crave.
If you ever got it you wouldn't be the same.

I still don't know the color of your eyes,
or the tone of your sweet lips,
but I can't say I don't enjoy
this twisted, little sin.

So, dear. My dear Jennifer.
Hang on a little longer.
Not even I know what comes next.
It's all for us to wonder.

La vida se me va en las caladas que le das a tu tabaco
Con el fuego me consumo y en humo renazco para desvanecerme con el viento
Atrás queda tan sólo mi perfume oxidado y rancio, impregnando tu ropa y tu cabello
En tu boca se guarda mi último aliento, pesado y asfixiante
En la ***** de tus dedos queda mi cuerpo moribundo, lentamente tornándose en cenizas
Llenas de mi tus pulmones y me expulsas nuevamente con delicada violencia
No reparas en pensar en la última bocanada de disforme humo antes de llevar de nuevo la colilla ahumada a tus labios
El filtro del tabaco no evita que me vaya en él
Tóxica existencia que te fumas en minutos
Y de nuevo yazco entre tus dedos, consumido por completo por el fuego de tu desamor, listo para ser desechado en mi mundana sepultura
De una nueva cajetilla sale un inmaculado cigarrillo

I sometimes feel I'm an annoyance
And sometimes comes very often
And often I feel I'm not good enough
Even though I give my all
All is just a bit too much
It sometimes feels so overwhelming
And sometimes comes very often

Three months have passed.
I can't say I'm still where I was back then,
but I can't say I've moved much further either.
You, on the other hand, are miles away from "us".

You've moved on, and so have I.
Then why do I still miss you when I go to bed at night?
Why do I think of you when I just wake up?
Why do I get butterflies in my stomach when we talk?
Well, not really butterflies.
Maybe moths or larvae since the feeling is no longer pleasant.

You have him. I have no one.
I have nothing but my pillow, my pen and my words.
They tangle up in psychodelic dreams and wicked poems.
None of them making sense, much like me in this world.

Illusion is broken. Hope far, far gone.
Our promises gone with the wind.
I drown in a mask I built for myself to hide from my demons.
If they don't finish me, this mask sure will.
There's no win.

So who wins in a breakup?
The one who moves on faster, or the one who does better?
Maybe the one who does both, and, dear, that's not me
because I've moved on, but *I can't forget how to love you.

So where do I start?

I've bullied you for so long.
Told you you're fat,
then anorexic,
then ugly,
then silly...
The list keeps going on.

Recently I saw the scars on your wrist.
I really never saw them coming.

I didn't think you'd do that.

All the things I said I never meant. That's how we used to play.
I never thought it would have this kind of impact on you.

So please forgive me for all the things I've said.
If I ever hurt you, which I now know I did, please find it in your heart to forgive a blind fool.
He who never saw the damage behind a hurtful game, now regrets all the love he wasted on others.
I wish this is just a phase that ends up soon.

I've bullied you for so long, but isn't that what siblings do?

As this year reaches its end
there's a couple things I wanna say.

This year for me was full of change.
New school. New friends. New city. New everything.
Of course this was hard, but I had my reward:
met some great friends,
went to places I had only dreamed of,
and I even met her. Yes, the one.

I can think of a couple things that let me down,
but for the things I got it's not worth a tear.
Too many good things for too little bad things.
Seems like a fair trade to me.

I still miss my old friends though. My family too.
I miss the laughs, the anecdotes and all the memories we share.
I promise I'll soon be with you all once again,
just wait for me.

And then comes her.
She's the one who made this the best year for me so far.
I wasn't looking for her, but there she was,
ready to come into my life, and make it so much better.
Thank you.

So all in all this year has been kickass.
I might have complained a lot throughout it,
but in the end I was just being a *****.
I loved this year, and I can only hope the next one is as good as this one was.
Ohh, and wish every single one of you to have an amazing year too.

From the heart, I love you all.
Thanks, and happy new year.

You blasted into this world running free to be yourself.
You needed no sanctuary to hide away from this strange world.
Please, remember tomorrow for we will all be sad,
because you're no longer with us. You've traveled to another life.

You were like a prodigal son, but not one of the drifters.
Not another children of the ******, invaders to this realm.
Yet life wasn't easy, it trapped you in an iron maiden,
thus you became the prisoner by the number of the beast.

Now you're gone, but it wasn't the killers who took you.
No murders in the rue Morgue put you in your own purgatory.
Don't think of this as an innocent exile or a total eclipse.
22 Acacia avenue awaits for his favorite client.

No need to run to the hills.
There is no twilight zone.
You lived by your true self
so hallowed be thy name.

Life was never easy for me.
Away from mommy and daddy I grew almost alone,
but then you came to live with us, and everything got worse.

You said mean things to us, specially to me.
You nagged about it all, night and day.
                                                            ­                Did we ever do anything right?
You told me I was worthless,
never loved,
just a burden to all of you.

You laughed about these scars.
                                                          ­             Did I ever tell you it was you who caused them? Wait... I did!
You called me crazy, a ******... mentally deranged.
                                                       ­        Do you understand what depression is? I do now.

During these years my hatred towards you grew and grew.
It got so big I couldn't take it anymore.
I plotted your death many times in my head.
                                             Should I push you down the hill, or should I give you a lethal dose of drugs?
We would all be happy then.

But now you are gone... dead.
No! It wasn't me who killed you. It was nature... a natural death.
I suddenly feel like ****.
         Killing you in my head. Wishing your death just to find myself missing you when you were gone.
I can't bear to think that you died thinking (knowing) I hated you.
I don't hate you anymore.

I guess I grew up. I guess my feelings were wrong.
                                            I miss you.
I wish I could have a few last words with you, but it's too late.
                                             I ****** up.

Now all I can do is be strong (for you).
I know you're in a better place, and I shall be happy for you.
I guess, after all, there's no place for hate in this heart.

I found myself on a cloud.
Surfing the skies with the wind on my hair and life in my veins.
I knew the trip had to reach and end, but I never knew when.

And so the day came when the trip ended.
The cloud just vanished under my feet, and I fell,
and fell,
and fell,
but just as I was about to hit the ground
a strange force kept me from it.

I wasn't moving.
I was just levitating.
Not in the sky anymore, but not dead either.

Numbness surrounded me.
A cold chill invaded my body, and I shivered.
I was gently laid on the ground, and lights went out.
Darkness.
Silence.
Not a sound was heard. Not even the beating of my heart.

Suddenly a bright light pierced my eyes.
When I could see again, a feminine silhouette was drawn before me
yet I could not see who it was.
She lent a hand.
I grabbed it, and she helped me up.

She spoke to me in the sweetest voice.
Singing like a choir of angels.
I felt safe again.

She wrapped her arms around me.
Her skin as smooth as silk, her touch as protective as a mother's.
I was safe again.

She flashed a smile,
but then it all faded to black.

I woke up... alone.
No one near my hospital bed, but something caught my eye.
A "get well soon" card next to some flowers in fresh water.

Again I felt warm, happy, alive.
My journey had reached it's end, but I was safe again.
It was safe to begin a new journey.

Gracias a ti aprendí a escuchar la letra de mis canciones.
Me enseñaste a escuchar más allá del ruido,
a entender las emociones que yacen debajo de una melodía,
debajo de una tierna voz.
Aprendí de ti que una palabra no significa nada,
que los besos no temen al mañana,
que un abrazo vive y muere en el hoy.
Gracias a ti aprendí que una amistad no es lo mismo que un amigo.
Una relación carece de calificativo
cuando dos personas conviven,
ríen,
lloran,
beben
y se enamoran
si, al final, todo queda en el olvido.
Comprendí que mis poemas exponen mis mentiras.
No te amo y te enamoro en rimas.
No te busco y aún así te encuentro.
No te sueño y maldigo al amanecer.
Me enseñaste a no llorar,
a engañarme y a herirme.
Que un deseo es un puñal,
un sueño una granada,
un anhelo un exterminio de mi propia sanidad.
Aprendí de ti a no juzgar a una persona.
Que saber su historia no es conocerla.
Que follar no es estar enamorado.
Que un te amo no es igual que otro.
Me enseñaste a caerme y me enseñaste a levantarme.
Me enseñaste a no quererte y a empezar a odiarme.
Me enseñaste y no sabías lo que me estabas haciendo,
a pesar de comentarlo día con día y verso a verso.
Aprendí de ti que la vida no se acaba,
que la muerte no me acecha,
que mi día es eterno,
que para siempre es un segundo
y que un segundo es para siempre,
que el amor no mata,
que los besos no envenenan,
que no eres para mi...

Gracias a ti aprendí a escuchar la letra de mis canciones.
A distinguir entre voces,
entre coros y solistas,
entre emociones ficticias,
entre verdades y mentiras.

Hoy que es día de los muertos
quisiera recordar a mis amigos,
a aquellos que están perdidos,
que nos dejaron de improvisto.

Alex con sus gritos
a cualquiera impresionaba,
mas poseía un alma noble
y seguro lo demostraba.

La muerte siendo injusta,
traicionera y juguetona
le hizo perder el equilibrio
para no jugar más sola.

Daniela guapa era.
Coqueta y encantadora.
A los hombres enloquecía
en cuestión de pocas horas.

La muerte, por celosa,
le echó una maldición.
Ahora les encanta
desde el mismísimo panteón.

Al pequeño, alegre Ivan
el futbol volvía loco.
El Barça su pasión
y un partido dentro de poco.

La muerte en su equipo
carecía de un defensor,
y pensó en el joven Ivan
para su equipo ganador.

Aunque hoy se encuentren lejos
los llevamos en el corazón,
mas no dejan de ser calaveras,
calaveras del montón.

I killed her... I killed her!
Her blood pouring down my face.
My clothes stained with the crimson reminder of a reunion gone wrong.
My very existence tainted with this horrible crime.

I did not mean to hurt her.
   Yes, you did.
I held no grudges for what she had done.
   Yes, you did.

It wasn't me who pressed the knife against her neck.
I wasn't the one who slit open her throat.
I'm not the owner of her last breath, her last heartbeat.

I did not **** her!
I did not **** her!
I... I... killed her.

Her blue eyes will never see me hurt again.
Her now purple lips will not kiss mine again.
Her cold, white hand will be held by no one anymore.

She's dead, but I didn't **** her.

I swear it was not me.
   The knife's still in your hand.
It was not me.
  She screamed your name as her life faded away.
It was not me!
   You know this is what you really wanted all along.

I'll lay by your side in this puddle of blood.
It is warm, unlike your body.
I'll hold your hand, and never let go.
I'll **** whoever did this to you.

I'll meet you on the other side.
**Goodbye.

Wake up at 7 a.m.
Get in the shower.
Go down 2 flights of stairs, and into the kitchen.
Drink a glass of water.
Open the fridge, and grab a yoghurt.
Off to the dining room,
grab the remote,
turn on the tv.
Same old channel,
same old show.
Have breakfast.
Up the stairs again.
Brush teeth, and grab backpack.
Off to school.
6 hours before I get back.
Eat.
Watch tv.
Grab computer.
Browse same websites as the day before.
Dinner time.
Same old dinner show on tv.
Go back up.
Watch more tv.
Go to bed.
**Repeat.

So here we are, dying a little bit more with every second that goes by.
Wishing we could live longer to see how this world recovers itself from all the wounds we've inflicted upon it... but we know that won't happen.
Dreaming of another tomorrow, where we can laugh and enjoy the sunlight.

We all know how this ends...

But as long as I live I shall fight!
Fight for me. Fight for us.
For nothing is over until the last grain of sand drops.

I may not succeed, but, if I fail, at least I tried.
And, who knows?
Maybe I will accomplish something. Maybe things will change.

We will never know if we don't try.

So here I am, dying a little bit more with every second that goes by, but not giving up.
I will make this place a better place for you, for me... for us.

When I think of her I picture her in my bed.
No, not having *** with me, or with her hands under my clothes.
Not even naked.
I see her just lying next to me, looking into my eyes, and whispering
"I love you".
I don't fail to hold her close to me, kiss her forehead, look her in the eyes and say
"I love you too".

Then I see us on the couch.
She rests her head on my lap as we watch a movie.
I start losing interest, and, out of nowhere, I just kiss her.
I say "Be mine forever".
"I already am", she replies.

Finally I see her as an angel, flying above me and lending her hand.
I grab it, and she takes me away to her world.
A world full of beauty, warmth and magic.
She says "Welcome to our world",
and I wake up.
It was a dream, but I turn my head, and there she is. My angel,
still asleep, so innocent, so pure, so beautiful.
I smoothly kiss her on the cheek, and say with a smile on my face
"This is our world".

Some can call me corny.
Some might say I'm gay,
but I can't help but be
a hopeless romantic.

As I drink a warm cup of coffee on a cold day I sit back and think about us.
How I used to wait for you to get back home so we could spend a couple hours together, chatting our worries away, before I had to leave until the next day.
How we managed to make Skype seem naughty.
How we longed to be finally together someday.

It was never easy living an ocean away, but we sure tried our best to make it work... and it did.
We found love in the strangest place, and we couldn't be happier.
You made me smile. I made you smile. It couldn't get any better than that.
But all good things must come to an end someday.

Nothing lasts forever, no matter how much we promised each other it would.
Things change.
Mistakes are made.
Hearts are broken.
Tears are shed.
In the end it's all a part of life we all dread, but must face sooner or later.

As I gaze at the fire, consuming the wood in a divine dance of death, I realize that it was all for the best.
I wasn't the one you loved in the beginning anymore.
I hurt you so many times it was only right to end it all.

I apologize for all the pain I caused you, and wish you the best in this future without me.
You'll do better this way.

For me, I'll just be happy as long as you are.
I learned to be another me, the best me I can possibly be, and it's all thanks to you.
Now it's time to make my life away from you, even though I'll miss you.
I now know things had to be this way, but I wish we hadn't said goodbye before we met.

La mujer que yo amo
No es quien crees que es
Le escribo poemas a diario
Le dedico las palabras más bellas del diccionario
Mas no entiende el trasfondo
No ve más allá de la superficie

La mujer que yo amo
No conoce el amor
Acepta amores de cama
Amores de cuerpos desnudos
De sudorosas cabelleras
De sucias sábanas y vacíos amaneceres

La mujer que yo amo
Me ama de vuelta
Pero no conoce el alcance de mi amor
No quiere verlo o no se da cuenta
Un trago o un viaje le bastan
Para caer en brazos de otro hombre

Conmigo desahoga sus penas
Conmigo llora su soledad y su miseria
Conmigo habla hasta que los segundos se tornan horas
Pero no soy yo su salvación

La mujer que yo amo
Nunca cae en mis brazos
Aquellos que la han de proteger
Aquellos que la envuelven con el calor de una fogata en un frío y apartado bosque
Aquellos que sostienen las piezas de su roto corazón juntos en su lugar

La mujer que yo amo
No es quien crees que es