And now I've officially lost everything and *everyone

Going to sleep is the scariest thing.
Not because of nightmares
Or sleep walking or whatever else,
But because of the uncertainty.
The uncertainty that a new day will start,
That your life won't be significantly altered,
Or that your loved ones will be the same.

Normal people don't dread sleep though,
But there's just something about cancer
That makes sleep an uneasy task.
Having a mother with cancer will change your entire life.
From dreading the thing you cherished most,
To not knowing how to live your life.

You become used to being woken up for
Middle of the night treks to the ER.
And to think about becoming used to that
Well, that's enough to make you sick.
But you have no choice but to trudge through,
You have to seem strong and stable,
But going to sleep is the scariest thing.

It’s just me... thinking.

I used to sleep close to your heart
you held me tight,
kissed my head goodnight.

You said,

"This is how I would have us sleep
all of our nights."

I stayed because I loved the sound of your heart
beating while I slept.

I would wake up and you would look at me
and kiss me good morning.

One night your hold on me
loosened.

No more good night kisses.
No more good morning kisses.

You said,

"I'm just tired."

I took that as your word.

I stayed because I still loved the sound
of your heartbeats.

Then one night
you turned your back to me.

No more kisses.

This time not a word.

I hold on you still,
from behind,

because I miss the sound of your heartbeat.

It's our number
I've worn it since third grade
You had it sewn to your shirt in high school
It's the date we first kissed
In that ****** bar next to my ****** apartment
24
It's the day that you asked me to kiss you only
You were going to say something by the ocean
But your nerves got the best of you
So you asked me in your car instead
And I said yes in the passenger seat
24
It's the hours a day that I have you on my mind
Always thinking about the taste of your lips
And the way you make me fall in love
More and more each day
And it will be the day that I ask you
To spend the rest of your life with me

In front of the altar to a new life.  
A tear drops in this perfect petal storm.
Holding my hands tight.
You glisten ever brighter - I've been reborn.

You are so exquisite - beyond imagination.
I didn't think this day would ever come.
That day we'd be together forever.
My only one.

Whispering vows into the cedar hallows.
The broken petals fall from the trees of old.
Lining a sacred future forward.
Our sea of gold.

It's hard to be
Original these days
Every word has
Already been spoken
Each phrase
Done to death

Every idea is a cliche
It's all been done before
Yet we claim
Our ideas are our own
Even though
Someone long ago
Thought of it before