Tyres scratching the gravel
Skin taking over from the cool breeze
Clothes rubbing me back into existence
Everywhere I should feel warm
your cold heart stains
I can't lose you
Something I never had
Here we are
Dissolution
At the boundary that makes you you
And me chosen, without you
Yes, you gave birth to me
But guess what?
I had to rebirth me twice
Your love wasn't good enough
It turned out Mine was!

autumn
beauty
sun flowers
bend
and
sway
but
bow
their
crowns
along
the
way
in
the
presence
of
God

I was raised as a mother,
Never as the daughter.
A burden they carried,
Never the healer.

I was the giver,
Never the receiver—
And for one single mistake,
I became the villain.

Spiders everywhere
Drowning in terror
Safety was never my birthright
Monkey mind corned into a frenzy
No space for my human to live in peace
Autonomy revoked
Voice muzzled
There's no more, me
can't wash away this dirtiness
Can't wait to numb my heart again
Aren't these thoughts mine?
Why do they hate me so?

Borrowed.
This is why we go to church.
To bleach out this brain stain
My DNA whispers demons
Collected through this body's amalgamation
They hide in the darkest nooks of the corridor of time
Waiting to encroach one more time
Oh, pure innocence.
I lament.

I can't speak the truth that feeds on my wounds
I can't say because I survive on his provision
My voice doesn't matter, who will value me
I weep inwards, salting this bitterness
I go crazy because I can never be truly free

I loop in his betrayal
To my heart
my mind
my soul
...
my body
I was evicted out of the only safe harbour I had

Grandma said no grandpa!
Our bodies and voices are being harvested by our own!
They are yours, for your pleasure only
At our expense you've found your glory
Inherited this suffering because you did anyway

To survive, we gaslight ourselves

I can't bare to continue to live with this truth
So I breathe from lies
I put on my glasses to bypass this irk
My kids need me
My kids need to survive this monster
Let me be brave
Let me be brave just enough to live on these lies
Because their lives depend on it!

Watered out into this cold, cruel world
My parents are still trying to survive
Can I blame them for wanting not to?
I don't either.
Want to lose what I love.
Home.

What's the cost if what I love harms me?
Isolate again insearch for home.
Where my soul can finally rest.
My human can thrive without love's conditions.

My mind loses its grip.
Who I had to be is no more.
My heart numb.
Overwhelmed.
Trying not to care.
Making myself invisible.
Still yearning for deep relief.

I've tried creating a home in falsehood
Belonging to causes & thoughtforms.
Soul is now their prize, imprisoned.
These mental bars amplify the internal echo.
My ancestors' screams through every DNA strand.

You can't fully experience what you don't give yourself first.
Overflow all that energy they want from me from within.
Protect our essence.

Your wholeness is home.