I am having my very first heartbreak

Not the one gifted by my highschool sweetheart

Or crushes kissing someone else's,

Not to this extent they made me ache

faking my senses

To the point where I believe my existence is a mistake.


Who am i?


The person who i had to be to become more lovable,

More palatable

Their emotional punching bond,

mental spitting pond


Where am i?


within the vacuum of nothingness, bye,

I am swirling into the great rock bottom beyond,

Where my failures are calling me down to die,

But, Giving up my life to appease the devil can...not.


I am having my very first heartbreak

My parents don’t love me for who i really am

But for who they prefer me to wake

To the expense of my authentic self so i self harm

With an emotional and mental intake,

That keeps my realness locked up, so i  forsake

Because how can I enter this world without them behind my back?


Born to be ashamed, i am

Guilty of inadequacies so they request i parent them

Neglected, i abandon my inner child now orphaned

No place within to call home

Everywhere in my heart its cold, not warm

I crave this loss of love, I am ******!

So i lose my dignity to get as little love i can get, slam

i am having my first heartbreak

Because i am lame

I am frustrated with myself
Y won't I change myself?
I do all the work on myself
But I still am not getting the results I want from myself

Who I am now is not enough to be self
I need more of myself
To expand into more of myself
but still I can't bring change through myself

I am age deaf
Deaf to the inevitable success brewing in myself,
Something mischievous is working against my self
Maybe an elf
That doesn't want to be a shelf
Holding onto parts that remind me of the inadequacies of my knife
I can't cut through to release myself
I desperately want to rebrand myself
So I can differentiate from my past self

I am tired of proving this new self
Her existence stranger to her own self
All she wants to be is high on life it self
Which always reflects back her divinity in herself

Ooo the pains of being so focused on myself
I can't get enough of all this attention on myself
From myself
All my problems a delight to marinate on oneself
Isolated from the world's problems watching from the topself
I have to solve my own problems before I can focus on your self

Ooo but my lonesome can't stand figuring all this out by myself
I guess that's y we split up and branched out to explore our self
So we can share different possibilities to free my self
And your self
So we can remember the freedom of being non self.

So goodbye not self
I tried but I can't bring myself
To act in your behalf
With you I can't laugh
I'd rather be the staff of my higher self
My lowerself is betting on the neck of this giraffe,
You don't give an F,
But you will when you realize you're nomore 12.
These cycles won't break themselves.
So let's rev
And meet our best self

It's OK to lean into help
You don't need to pay for this soul hotel
Drink up from this well
So confusion you expell
Clarity your gut smells
Your present self is perf
You just gotta remember your true self
God herself within you dwells
So give up the struggle, time to rebel

No need to repel
What is true in this melt
Your soul awakens to help your human compell
You already have the wealth
Like the clothes you've been dealt