naive as a dog,
I opened my heart to my God

my heart was broken, so i inverted reality,
didn't want to die yet, wanted to be good enough for her.

i dreamed in the hive of the sweet nectar of unconditional love

instead coldness dove into this heart, had to throw away that probability.
my blinds could see how fearfully we worshiped her.

no more hope, we abandoned self care.
my safest space became fantasy.
**** was ecstasy,
where this addict could dare.

don't mean to blame my bully for my choices
but something had to be done about the emotional taxing

wouldn't hold her horses,
so we validated her darkness through our habits.
now safer from the devil's approaching,
distance, a decade without her soul poaching.
now free from her torment, i frolic with the rabbits.

success I have created for myself,
free from the inner critic personified as herself,

I transform my pain into art.
I dug out everything that was in my heart.
I now know I really exist,
in this new love bubble FINALLY nothing to fix.

from wholme, i sadly understand my first bully.
mother wasn't taught less than being unruly.
i feel her drowning in her demons truly,
all she could do is clench onto my radiance poorly.

in my own castle panting, still my heart beats for her newly.

the rage slowly burns
resentment for those who won't accept
me, not free, liberated and in goodwill

I can't accept my inadequacies
it's wrong otherwise
I have to control how i show up
no no,
stillness will be the death of me!

idiots, We ARE

icy
dead
imposters
overusing
their
senses

Fragmented, I hid my most precious parts
I won't surrender to the call within,
if i do, the pain of self betrayal will drown me

so i double down on zero pivots from human to soul,
my 5 senses now create a cage instead of a playing ground
when I see others free, the rage and resentment flairs up!
how dare they!
COME BACK INSIDE YOUR CAGE!!!!

the heaviness...oh, the heaviness.
my daily bread.
my sanctuary.

what a joy, to surround myself with i.d.i.o.t.s
pure ecstasy, bowing down to the cage, I belong
fear of being left behind, all alone, ohh I devote to you.
my pain, the living word
proof of sacred worthiness.

genuine pleasure, now extinct.
zero room for the devil's temptation.
my soul droughts from neglect

as I strut together in unison with my idiots!

fully receiving this present wrapped with my 5 senses
spring forces marry summer,
and the birds rejoice, singing praises of the perfection of the is-ness.
the pain, moments of relief all intertwine to expand my capacity.

my capacity to receive more lightness...
love is not heavy but in our experiences we have made it that way
our minds took over and numbed out our soul that is older than the oldest person you know.

this isn't an arrogance game, it is remembering who we all have been from the beginning.
over here, the need to create for an audience and for validation is extinct.
because at our core we have finally remembered who we came here as...
babies, before the conditioning and internalized pain of others
we grew void of our magic
yet that magic never gave up on us.
now through words it blooms regardless of the mind's traps
the mind thinks it knows everything yet the soul descended to taste the mystery.

so here i am back in this seat, looking at my screen, being one with the keyboard as i allow the words to find their place...
with no judgement, or pretense...
just acceptance!

the 7 led me back to my God Given throne
where I didn't have to hide from the evilness of the world.

mother couldn't love me the way i deeply craved
life was so mean to me, i almost lost my wonder...
until the 7 led me back to my power.

i started at the root, where my sense of self had been forgotten.
they mirrored back to me all parts within me the darkness wouldn't let me see.
i found pleasure in doing the small things moment to moment,
my purpose now was to bring unconditional love into these parts alive in me i was now discovering.
all these mirrored parts in these 7 individuals
the happy part,
the grumpy part,
the escapist,
the hiding one,
the most sensitive one,
my higher self and
my inner child.

bringing all these parts within me together into my wholeness was a great threat to the evilness
because once I knew of the combined power of my fragmented parts, evilness could never keep a hold of me.

unbeknownst to me a spiritual attack sent me back into the darkness.
I was waking up too fast into my power, so they put me back to ignorant sleep;
dead to these parts i was
unaware, numb, disconnected
until I found my way back outside in
kissed back to life by an angel...another me.

I got resuscitated back into enlightenment,
reincarnated into the same body after my ego death.

the old story is gone, now, I have space to create more magic.
I am now living lovingly, simultaneously with all these 7 parts of me, but this time happily ever after!

Fear of abandonment
There's someone better than me

Fear of betrayal
I am not good enough, never will

I can not open heart,
I do not want to attact this deceiver
One who cheats love,
A selfish contender...
That wants me and the world.

Low vibrational **** and becoming be gone.
I do not want you,
But wait... why do I keep thinking and feeding you with my fears of abandonment...of not being good enough?

This heavy feeling of not having access to anything better, limiting beliefs imprison me.

All I see and hear are the echoes of others' pain and fears...so I won't open my heart.
I can't do that to myself.

Everywhere, online in comments I see him,
I feel him
Low vibrational selfish ****
His heart is closed too...that's why we keep finding each other
I don't want him yet I find home in him.

Anticipation of the worst you and you don't even exist...yet.

Emotional insecurity, instability,
More abandonment, validation of not being good enough.

More of not being chosen
More mental fights...creating more momentum into chaos that hasn't happened...yet.

I am the door that is letting these demons in.
Why do I keep doing this to the love of my life?
My heart needs a safe space and this isn't it.
Why won't I love myself better?

Shame, judgment for this guilty pleasure of mine.

Split Desire consumes my energy, dull
Between better × healthier and dirtier x sicker
Oh multiple choices, where do I begin?
Which timeline should I resign?
I don't want my heart to be mined,
I want my heart to be considered.

My inner child's heart deserves to be chosen.
I can't choose those who won't too.
If I do, I abandon myself first.
I create insecurity and disloyalty to my little girl's heart first.

Am I still inviting the devil into my bed?

Oh my gosh,  
I close timelines where every cheater + heart deceiver comes + becomes

In my heart, in my presence
they always stink so bad
their demonic future crumbles in my sight.

Their disgusting energy, it is the tissue I wipe all the yucky impurities

Negligible care to engage now
they are energetically falling off like the leaves in autumn,
Now manure for the seeds of love I plant for my future I secure
In my heart,
Fall away all parts of me that cheat + deceive the heart of the one I truly love.
Die.

drive through me leave me bare, abandon me poor

thrive not, heart don't be full
more dis-ease please, get me more out of my essence, moo
me out of my God Given Throne fool,
i belong in the zoo.
show me how bad you can beat me past what I threw
five pieces of glass, my crew
i broke my own heart because i can't stand myself, whew!

i'm now reflecting how best i like my heart, i drool
five pieces of my heart needing some glue.

hive oozing honey stained with poo
i don't know how to nurture my worth so i demand that from you
an impossible feat, i like you prefer a toxic hue.

live deep down, i want more ease and juiciness... but ooh,
that's too much work, i want it on a silver platter, boo!
jive to my disdain you fool,
remind me of my inadequacies like it's in, new
tell me everything wrong with me like i always knew
may my most authentic self never see the view,
die, noone wants to know you, eew!

I am having my very first heartbreak

Not the one gifted by my highschool sweetheart

Or crushes kissing someone else's,

Not to this extent they made me ache

faking my senses

To the point where I believe my existence is a mistake.


Who am i?


The person who i had to be to become more lovable,

More palatable

Their emotional punching bond,

mental spitting pond


Where am i?


within the vacuum of nothingness, bye,

I am swirling into the great rock bottom beyond,

Where my failures are calling me down to die,

But, Giving up my life to appease the devil can...not.


I am having my very first heartbreak

My parents don’t love me for who i really am

But for who they prefer me to wake

To the expense of my authentic self so i self harm

With an emotional and mental intake,

That keeps my realness locked up, so i  forsake

Because how can I enter this world without them behind my back?


Born to be ashamed, i am

Guilty of inadequacies so they request i parent them

Neglected, i abandon my inner child now orphaned

No place within to call home

Everywhere in my heart its cold, not warm

I crave this loss of love, I am ******!

So i lose my dignity to get as little love i can get, slam

i am having my first heartbreak

Because i am lame