how to say your name without choking how to embrace without clenching how to love without bleeding how to **** without detaching how to say goodbye without wincing

Orange squeezed, tea brewed, bacon fried
Self showered, beard shaved, robe wrapped
Wife kissed, tea brought, eyes rubbed
Juice sipped, toast munched, day discussed
Sugar stirred, tea drunk, watch checked
Kids rattled, cornflakes spooned, plates emptied
Mum fussed, kids grumped, teeth cleaned
Noses wiped, shoes on-ed, lunch packed
Stragglers awayed, byes waved, friends greeted
Office called, PC packed, car started
Wife snuggled, door closed, journey begun.

~

as pages turn 
his memory greets her... 
the filtered light 
of saddened beauty, 
yet, without would be 
but crushing darkness,
his footsteps welcome, 
an entrance crossing 
lightly o’er the 
threshold of her mind; 
his visits she could 
not bear to miss. 
and though it wets 
her cheeks with weeping, 
though it fills 
her pail of tears
from sorrow’s ever 
deepening abyss,
this, her rose of hope 
its beauty precious
its fragrance borne 
on petals crushed.
each page she turns 
his memory greets her
with each his visit 
she prolongs;
and moments sweet 
she dare not rush;
dispels her darkness
when nights are long.

~


*post script.

he visits on pages that fill her life... 

the photo albums,
the turning calendar, 
books that bear his footnotes... 
cards and letters beginning with the words, “Dear Mom...”

ever so slowly, she is learning to welcome, 
even find comfort, in his visits
among the pages.

To think i actually cared at one point.
It's pathetic, you've always been that.
Like a child scraping their knee, talking about booboos for days.
To say i loved you at one point.
It's pathetic.
The word i love most because it describes anything we had once.
The word, who's face so stunningly glorious.
You laugh and smile in my presence.
At the thought of me?
At the thought of someone who actually cared for you?
Is pathetic.
I despise your prensence.
Sickness
The Plague you spread.
Death
The love i had
Caring
The things unsaid
Loving
Never to be done again
You
A Thing i experienced.
You're lost love.
I'm sorry that things went to hell.
Because this Thing that i feel isn't burning desire anymore.
Nor is it hatred.
It's nothing, an empty pit of darkness with one ray of glancing light.
I asked someone how you're doing today.
I looked for you today to give you the mix i held onto.
So **** me?
Maybe you should think about the way you go through people.
The way you go through life
So unsatisfied.
I'm not going to have anymore idiotic "Poem Wars"
I have eyes to see.
You needed
You need
more
love
care
pain
and everything i couldn't stand to give.
My sanity is back.
I realize, i didn't Love you.
Honestly,
I just think.
Honestly,
I just liked your music and your thighs.

Lost in my mind
With emotions running the game
I can't figure out my thoughts
Because they're never the same.
Lost in a world
Loving the thought of that one
Who can't stand the thought of relationships
And decided that we were done.
Lost in my feelings
Not angry, but dazed and confused
Because she still likes me
So I just don't know what to do.
Lost in my heart
Feuding between two sides
One wanting her more than breathing
The other just dying to get by.