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Kevin Eli Apr 2013
I got a call before the news even knew.
Frozen cold sweat and fear.
I stood at my desk able to do nothing.
I watched in horror at the live feed on my computer screen as I knew what she was going through.
She was there, and I wasn't. I couldn't.
I watched helpless in horror as the people scattered from the glass that was shattered.
I could do nothing but pray.
To watch people die is not a vicarious way I would want to ever live.
She tried her best to finish, but the race ended, even though she gave all she could give.

I need to watch this to get out of self.
Why must they die so we can see why?

You feel the same as I do.
Don't deny.
Kevin Eli Apr 2013
Ever wonder whats behind you...?
That scratch, that itch, that feeling that tells you there is more?
That there is something we're missing?
The emotion that makes us push towards something we know we should be doing?
We never know what it is, but it is always there, in every human being.
Is it the "I need more."?
Is it soul?
I could never tell, and I will never know.
Just move for it, wish for it, strive for it, try for it, drive toward it.
GO.
Kevin Eli Apr 2013
This body, Which contains my soul.
Holds my desires, and that ever thirsting fire to feel beyond what my mind can experience. I can sometimes feel what my senses tells me exists beyond myself.
I must push forward and move through the fold. This beauty beyond myself shows no bounds.
To give myself is a sacrifice that must be paid if I am to see the extent of possibility.
No matter what, I must pierce this whole existence, this experience.
I choose to live, I choose to die, I choose to feel and to tell the truth and to lie.
To spin beyond the chance to be here, breathe, live and be alive.
I excite my existence and fight, what I see, and what appeals.
For they are not the same, and I know nobody else is the same.
Give the scream of your life and show you care more than you ever feel.

Shed some light on reality.
Kevin Eli Apr 2013
To choose to listen to the voices in my head or the whisper in my heart.
Blinded by my own hand most of the time.
The roller coaster turned into a merry-go-round.
I knew where I had ended up, but I didn't see the start.
My thoughts are off and running again...

Round and round,
I feel this creeping monster run down my spine and gnaw at my center.
I am terrified of it.
I let it go on forever.

...I finally looked inside and asked,
"What the hell do you want from me?"

"I just want you to know that it's me, which is you.
Just trying to tell you that you need love, that's the truth."

I need to stop crucifying myself to feel alive.
It's selfish.
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Time flows, just like wind, water and our blood inside of us. Just let it go.
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
The band plays
Arms in the air while feet stomp the ground
Girls cross the dance floor like a caravan
The music still plays since I said goodbye long ago
It's the same party, different people.

Thick cigarette smoke stands still on the patio.
A glass of white wine swirled in hand with delight
The joy, the laughter, the old friends say hello
One by one with stamps or wristbands on tight
They all come eventually but some will never go

I remember this circus from long ago
With its memories and moments I so dearly hold
If you ever find the door and need a ride home
Just wait until tomorrow's sun gives enough light to see the road
Don't worry about missing the show
The band still plays
Kevin Eli Mar 2013
Feet lift off the ground
Feeling vibrations and infinite sound
Sense and lose thought within the pulse
Running through air, earth and fire
Recycled spirals
Bends

That
Which is the random
Which is all
Which is now and then
With and without
This

End of this beginning
Twist, introduce and suspend
The motive to move and to drive
Walking with shadow as friend
In this eternity which is the moment
Beginning to end
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